The naming of the stuffed toy does not prevent La BellaDonna from agreeing with you that yes; the more more more emphasis that is placed on the wedding, the shorter the marriage. The more the bride is about the wedding, the less she may be about the groom. It is the good question for the bride to be asked: if she had to get married in front of the justice of the peace, wearing something she already owned, with no one else there, would she still get married? If the answer is not “yes,” she owes it to her fiancé to release him and keep looking until the answer is yes; he deserves the marriage to someone else, for whom the answer, it is yes.

The cutting of the hair, it has the psychological significance. It is often the substitute for the more serious mutilation of the self, and it is the sign of the serious disturbance. This is not so much the “cutting and dying of the hair to change the identity” like the superspy, but more the chopping off and destroying of the old identity: “That person no longer exists.”

Bill the Man, he has made the very very astute observations. The Prince Charming, he will have his work cut out for him.

La BellaDonna has seen the many men, and also the many women, suffering from the Messiah Complex, dedicated to saving and protecting the spouse/child. It is the “marriage” that functions, after its own fashion, but only as long as neither party changes his or her role. Then it is the debacle.

What really weirds me out about it is that she cut her hair! Who does that? Who just lops off their hair and jumps on Greyhound to Albequerque? Sounds like a conspiracy to commit fraud… who cuts their hair off like that? What if she hadn’t run out of money? Then she named that stupid teddy bear. What woman over 16 years old names stuffed animals?

Acceptable coping mechanisms exist, even for women who run too much.
Shoes, she should have shopped for shoes…. she could have flown to NY for shoes, then at least she’d still have her hair and her friends would just think she was spunky but had style.

Don’t believe me? Go to this link and look at Teddy peeking out from under her afghan:

http://apnews.myway.com/image/20050430/MISSING_BRIDE.sff_NMJS110_20050430180646.html?date=20050501&docid=D89QJC4O1

But, you know, lets face it. She’s a girl. It goes with the territory. It wouldn’t work for men because we are held (and hold each other) to a different standard. No one wipes our teary weepy eyes and clucks sympathetically at our pleas for understanding. (thank heavens for that! There is somehing nice about being an adult!)

Thirty-two year old men facing marriage for the first time, aren’t handed teddy bears by the police to make them feel better when they ditch the bride at the altar. We men get no sympathy when we complain about how our mommy pressured us to do the wedding this way or that way.

Bottom line: we are guys. And thank God for that! As a guy, promise me: if I ever get that bad, just put a gun to the base of my skull and pull the trigger.

So what about the guy, her fiancee? Is he nuts for sticking with her? Nah. I don’t think so. His is the classic guy’s role. He has found a wounded bird, a fragile leaf, blowing in the wind, desperately in need of his manly protection to save her from the cold heartless world. She will effectively be his first child. This world is filled with so many, many men like him. And, with his family’s money and some servants, he can take care of his fragile little girl for the rest of her life. He will be her Prince Charming. Every little girl’s dream.

As for the argument that we should pity her because she may have felt pressure to have the crazy, over-the-top wedding — Phleez! The woman is 32 years old. Succumbing to this type of peer pressure should be left behind after junior high.