The Pop Apocalypse: Balkans Epicenter of Tragedy!

By Manolo the Shoeblogger

Manolo says, the disaster that is the Eurovision it continues to crush the spirits of the European peoples, none more so than the residents of the little countries that were formerly part of the Yugoslavian Federation.

How these simple peoples must suffer under the traumatic indignities of …

…leggy Bosnian squeezebox players…

…salacious Macedonian dry humping…

…Croatian gynecological exams.

This disaster it has spread the neighboring Albania, where stunned locals now stand around fondling their goat skins while youthful crooners mangle pop standards!

This it is enough to make one long for the return of the Tito.

P.S. Previously: Foreboding, The Pop Apocalypse, Part One, The Pop Apocalypse, Part Two.

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20 Responses to “The Pop Apocalypse: Balkans Epicenter of Tragedy!”




  1. La Retrosessuale Says:

    “This it is enough to make one long for the return of the Tito.”

    Tito the Jackson or Tito the Dictator? Meh- La Retrosessuale she take either over this mess.




  2. ushie Says:

    You know, when we all fretted over the modest bathing suits, we were all actually worried about the wrong thing. Eurovision, spectre of all that is Wrong.

    (That Croation babe really…you know, I have no words.)




  3. desertwind Says:

    The desertwind has such fond memories of her misspent youth in Europe. Mind-altering substances and the Eurovision Song Contest on telly! The perfect night’s entertainment.

    Oooooh, was that a flashback?




  4. Annalucia Says:

    Miss Croatia….Ayyyy! And look at the cameraman down in front of the stage; he is pointing his camera directly into….into…well, into those parts not meant for public display. The Annalucia cannot help but wonder how many heart attacks occurred among the unfortunate viewers at home.

    And Miss Macedonia, her blouse has a mind of its own, and that mind it is a dirty one: it has lassoed one of her breasts.

    The Annalucia she is hoping that the Eurovision is in fact a deliberate spoof of the song contest, with points given for the most outrageous costumes and behavior, and little attention paid to the music. Is there in fact music? Or do the contestants merely strike poses while holding accordions and microphones?




  5. Kirstine Says:

    Wheee, the Finnish monsters won! All hail the European sense of humor (yeah, most of us thinks it’s hilarious).

    Next year, those of you who have access to BBC Prime on cable, enjoy your song contest there. The commentator is always Terry Wogan, brilliantly dry and sarcastic.

    PS: Towards the end of her exa..er, performance, the Croatian chick took off the rest of her skirt.




  6. Tara Says:

    I’m getting quite a good laugh from the press reports of Eurovision. Lordi’s song is being repeatedly compared to ABBA’s Waterloo (both are, apparently, the most “rocking” songs ever to play and win Eurovision).

    I love it that the monsters won. I needed this laugh.

    Alas, I get BBC America. I can laugh and shudder at “Little Britain” but I can’t get Eurovision.




  7. furlagirl Says:

    That’s the trouble with the Russian army, never around when you need it.




  8. scriptgrrl Says:

    Guess what? This cheese-fest is coming to America (as reported by Variety):

    ATHENS — Americans may finally see what all the fuss is about. Even as Europe was falling into the gaudy embrace of the Eurovision Song Contest for the 51st consecutive year, a deal was being crafted for an American version.

    L.A.-based independent production company Reveille’s deal with the European Broadcasting Union will mark the first time the Geneva-based network of national broadcasters has licensed the format for use beyond European shores.

    By buying the format, Reveille and producer-broadcaster NBC will bring the grandfather of all song contest formats into direct competition with its fabulously successful offspring, Fox’s “American Idol.”




  9. Chairman of the Bored Says:

    …Shouldnt that be just A.POP.CLYPSE as in apopclypse?
    I suggest a new movie on this theme featuring J. Federline, et al. We’ll call it Apopclypse WOW!




  10. Gringo Says:

    Ironically, the winners of this year’s Eurovision Song Contest proclaims “It’s the A-Rock-alypse!” and speaks of the “day of Rockening” before belting out the chorus: “Hard! Rock! Hallelujah!” It’s very entertaining :)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FYGcHyZSEA&search=finland%20lordi




  11. Kim Says:

    Holy crap.




  12. karla Says:

    Aaaiyeee! It was indeed a most cheeseful night. Good thing I was drunk.

    The most perplexing of the acts, to me, was the Spanish girl band, all wearing red and rolling around on red office chairs and singing something about “duty free”. DOOTY FREE! DDOOOTTY FREEEE!

    Why?




  13. la petite chou chou Says:

    Ayyyyyy! It looks like my comments come a wee bit late, but OI! The red dress/skirt girl.




  14. Attmay Says:

    Sending the Eurovision to the US…doesn’t that constitute a declaration of war?




  15. MightyLambchop Says:

    Ms. Croatia is the star of an amateur sex tape that reportedly was stolen from her home about three years ago. It was quite the scandal.




  16. shoeblogging Says:

    whats up with miss croatia! holy smokes




  17. Ivy Says:

    If anything is wrong with Miss Croatia it’s the fact that she is reaching a certain age, when you have to do more and more outrageous things to keep yourself from slipping into the unknown. Before the ‘porno scandal’ she was just another mediocre Croatian pop singer.




  18. MarkD Says:

    The next thing you know she’ll be having herself crucified on stage in an attempt to get atention…

    I think we’ve seen all of this already.













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