Readings from the Book of Hasselhoff

Manolo says, daily readings from Don’t Hassel the Hoff. Today, page 98.

When the divorce papers arrived at my home, I invited Mom and Dad and eight friends to a party at La Cage aux Folles, the nightclub on La Cienega Boulevard where people went to get super-loaded while watching drag acts. The female impersonators had great fun getting the Knight Rider up on stage and singing Judy Garland songs to him. When I stepped off stage, the maître d’ said, ‘Mr. Hasselhoff, Mr. Liberace would like to buy you a drink.’

I looked over and saw Liberace lit up like a Christmas tree in the middle of a group of young blond men. He waved at me.

‘Ask him if he would like to join our divorce party.’

‘I’m such a big fan, David,’ he said. ‘Who’s getting divorced?’

‘I am.”

‘Well, I’m available — let’s party.’

Liberace was drinking gin and tonic and smoking Carlton cigarettes. He was sixty-seven years old and had had a lot of plastic surgery; he very gracious and very sociable.

‘I can see you are upset about the divorce,’ he said.

‘I’m a little sad.”

‘Oh God, darling, put it behind you — life goes on.’

The Word of the Hoff!

13 Responses to “Readings from the Book of Hasselhoff”

  1. Noga August 23, 2007 at 2:28 pm #

    Querido Manolo:

    Are you reading the book backwards? I do that sometimes myself … for a veriety of reasons :-)

  2. Manolo the Shoeblogger August 23, 2007 at 2:33 pm #

    The Manolo has read this book several times, from the cover to the cover.

    What he is doing now is simply opening the book to the random page and transcribing one of the passages contained on that page. In so doing he hopes to prove beyond the reasonable doubt that the Don’t Hassel the Hoff is one of the greatest books ever written.

    Thus far, the Manolo would have to say that it has been the complete success.

  3. Elvira August 23, 2007 at 2:39 pm #

    I have been amused by the life of the Hoff up to this point, but Hasselhoff and Liberace partying together is an indescribably hilarious image.

    I am now contemplating buying the book. Maybe I’ll give a copy to each of my friends and relatives for Christmas! (We can never plan too far ahead.)

  4. cheeky August 23, 2007 at 3:07 pm #

    His writing is nothing if not overly descriptive and oddly specific.

  5. bienchen August 23, 2007 at 3:24 pm #

    Manolo: The Word of the Hoff!

    Loyal Readers: Praise be the Hoff!

  6. Atomic Bombshell August 23, 2007 at 3:27 pm #

    Good advice. I needed that. Thanks, Liberace.

  7. Joan August 23, 2007 at 4:41 pm #

    ‘Oh God, darling, put it behind you — life goes on.’

    Amen!

  8. Marta Acosta August 23, 2007 at 6:54 pm #

    This is possibly the best story I’ve ever read. It has poignancy, regret, hope, humor, and probably some other really important stuff.

  9. Nora August 24, 2007 at 6:13 am #

    Atomic Bombshell – you ROCK.

  10. Phyllis August 24, 2007 at 7:06 am #

    Praise be to Hoff!

  11. Peregrine John August 24, 2007 at 10:40 am #

    Well, that does it: I’m getting this book tonight.

  12. Miss Janey August 24, 2007 at 1:04 pm #

    THIS is the best story yet from the book of the Hoff. Partying with Liberace- Fabulous!

  13. Chairman of the Bored August 25, 2007 at 12:03 am #

    ‘Mr. Hasselhoff, Mr. Liberace would like to buy you a drink.’

    Who knew?
    Everyone I guess.