Manolo says, ayyyy! Poor Chris, the Manolo was not ready for you to leave. Indeed, he found you to be among the most tolerable of this season’s personalities, especially when compared to the perpetually weepy/bitchy/whiney/annoying/moderately- untalented Ricky.
Chris, you were the sweet and charmingly funny grown-up person, and the Manolo devoutly wishes you had done better. Your outfit was not great, but it was by no means the worst, and your challenge (to make shoulder pads acceptable) was among the most difficult of all. The mistake in this case was to decide in favor of the 80s evening wear shoulder pads, instead of the much more trendy, 1940’s pencil skirt and shoulder pads. You went for Alexis Carrington when you should have aimed at Jane Russell and Barbara Stanwyk.
And so you were frog-marched off stage by Heidi, with the mocking jackal’s voice of Donna Karan (with her phoney-baloney, fake sincere smile) ringing in your ears.
Oh, how the Manolo wept bitter tears for 3.6 milliseconds, the exact amount of time he devoted to your made-for-television plight, before he returned to loathing Ricky.
As for the contest, this has the orange-stained hands of Michael Kors all over. Take three outdated and awful trends and revamp them in something anodyne that can be sold to the unsuspecting masses of fashion dunderheads. Brilliant!