Project Runway 4, Episode Eleven

Manolo says, Once upon the time, there was the poor tailor who was in danger of having his head chopped off if he did not complete the fabulously fierce outfits for the evil queen,

and her court…

…jesters, Toothy Orange Bottom and Brunhilde Valkyrie.

The tailor worked for many days without sleep, cutting and sewing, sewing and cutting. But, as the deadline approached, there were as yet fifteen yards of organza to be worked into the designs he had chosen, and the unhappy but honest tailor became worried and began to despair.

Even his acquaintance, the wise wizard who lived down the block, could only offer platitudes.

“Make it work,” said the wizard most unhelpfully, as he left the tailors shop.

“Ayyyyy!” shouted the tailor, “I am doomed. The Queen will have my head!”

The tailor collapsed into his chair near the fire, put his head in his hands, and wept the bitter, bitter tears, knowing that all was lost. After many minutes of sobbing, he fell asleep, certain that the morning would bring his execution.

It was then, while the tailor was sleeping his uneasy sleep, that the most miraculous thing happened.

First, there was the faint sound of tiny bells, followed by the strong scent of Aqua Net and Elizabeth Taylor’s “White Diamonds”, and then, with the audible pop, the tiny little fashion elf appeared out of no where!

Flouncing around the room, scattering fairy dust and candy kisses.

He flounced here, and he flounced there. Around the tailor’s shop he went, until at last he came to the tailor’s table, where he picked up the fifteen yards of organza, and began sewing!

The little fashion elf worked at the miraculous speed no mortal could match, sewing and cutting, his little fingers flying across the material like the herd of tiny gazelles, producing the straight-leg pants, and frilly shirts, and black vests, and poofy-poofy-poofy sleeves galore.

All the while he worked, the little fashion elf was cackling madly, and congratulating himself on his superior ability, and talking smack about all of the other elves back in work room.

“Ha, ha, ha. I’m the fiercest elf of all, bitches!”

Within the few, short, furious minutes the littlest fashion elf was finished. All of the clothes were done to perfection, even the marvelous hat, (which the Evil Queen had not ordered, and would never wear, having given many hundreds of florins to the Duke of Fekkai, to color and style her perfect hair.)

When he was finished, the tiny elf stood up, laid out the marvelous new clothes for the tailor, snapped his fingers three times, and…poof!…vanished into nothingness.

In the morning, when the tailor awoke, certain that this would be his last day on earth, there were the marvelous, miraculous clothes laid out on his workbench.

Clothes of Miraculousness!

“Ayyyy!” shouted the tailor, “it is the miracle! Someone has made the fiercely androgynous clothing for the women, clothes which makes the wearer appear to be the sort of Spanish hidalgo! Surely the demanding Evil Queen and her court, always fickle and eager for novelty, will appreciate this!”

And so it was off to the palace, where the tailor showed his new clothes to the Queen and her companions. Everyone loved, loved, loved, the clothes. Even the old king, slumbering on his throne, woke up and took notice.

“I like,” he said, “I can tell, you love, because you put so mucha love into this. It is highest.”

No one really knew what the King was saying, because he was old and foreign, and had drunk too many glasses of his royal wine. But they all smiled anyway, confident that what the little elf had produced was among the best things they had seen in many seasons.

P.S. Many thanks to the truly super fantastic Tom and Lorenzo, of the Project Rungay Blog, from whom the Manolo borrowed the picture of the fashion elf.

P.P.S. The Manolo will be back later with the more traditional comments upon this episode.

29 Responses to “Project Runway 4, Episode Eleven”

  1. Handmaiden February 15, 2008 at 3:08 am #

    Reading about the “tiny little fashion elf” then clicking to read the rest and having that picture of Christian pop up CRACKED ME UP! So funny!

  2. theDiva February 15, 2008 at 6:44 am #

    clapclapclap

  3. eowyn_2 February 15, 2008 at 7:16 am #

    “No one really knew what the King was saying, because he was old and foreign, and had drunk too many glasses of his royal wine. ”

    ROFL. The Manolo is genius. I very nearly snorted muesli all over my keyboard when I read that.

    But seriously, I liked the old king. If he didn’t have anything nice to say, he just didn’t say anything. How refreshing!

  4. UhLisa February 15, 2008 at 8:04 am #

    This was so…I…there are no words. I needed this first thing in the morning. Many thanks!

  5. carrie February 15, 2008 at 9:04 am #

    The Manolo has provided much amusement this dreary Friday morning! Many many thanks

  6. Mable February 15, 2008 at 9:34 am #

    Brilliant!

  7. tyrelle February 15, 2008 at 9:50 am #

    I love this!!!! i love love love this!!!! you are right, all is perfect, even the marvelous hat.

    *applause*

  8. Atticus February 15, 2008 at 10:07 am #

    Brilliant, started my morning with a laugh! And my facebook status is now “…is the fiercest elf of all, bitches!”

  9. Atticus February 15, 2008 at 10:36 am #

    The Manolo, he has truly outdone himself. (Though when the tailor went to sleep, I thought the tale was going to be about Chris.)

  10. gemdiva February 15, 2008 at 11:04 am #

    Bravo Manolo & many thanks for bringing laughter and joy to an otherwise YECCCH day. You rock!

  11. Bridey February 15, 2008 at 11:32 am #

    Heavens. I’ve only seen the show once and I knew immediately who the fashion elf was! (And I think I might be hooked…..) Hilarious!

  12. angelhair February 15, 2008 at 11:57 am #

    So wonderful! I’ll read this again, probably several times, because it’s just so perfect and makes me smile.

  13. NDC February 15, 2008 at 12:18 pm #

    Loud chortling from my office. What an inspired recapitulation of part of the Fashion is/as Art Episode.

    Really well done, ManoloTheShoeBlogger, and, echoing the others, especially welcome on a trying day.

    All the best,

    NDC

  14. Danna February 15, 2008 at 12:29 pm #

    Hilarious!!! Thank you Manolo, for that insightful and very funny Fashion Fairy Tale. I nearly snorted coffee out my nose.

  15. Klee February 15, 2008 at 1:15 pm #

    Loved, loved, loved…this story. A ray of sunshine in a dreary day

  16. Damozel February 15, 2008 at 2:03 pm #

    Yes, it is perfect. I don’t think you’ll ever top the piece about the Evil icon of the fashion industry and his slavish minions—but this is just as good.

  17. Lilithcat February 15, 2008 at 2:25 pm #

    Once upon a time (Episode 4), the scribe promised, “Christian. If you use the word “fierce” one more time in reference to anything that is not related to either a) Viking warriors, or b)exceptional geophysical events, such as hurricanes or tsunamis, the Manolo will hunt you down and kill you, slowly.”

    Why is the elf still suffered to live?

  18. Eilish February 15, 2008 at 3:09 pm #

    OMG, what a smile you have put on my face!

  19. suzq February 15, 2008 at 4:27 pm #

    I can tell-a you put so mucha love into your elf-a-story.

  20. Heather February 15, 2008 at 4:38 pm #

    Hurrah!!! Great recap!!! When I first saw Christian, I told my BF that “he is my little elf”. I had no idea that EVERYONE else would use that title!!!

  21. Lilly Munster February 15, 2008 at 5:59 pm #

    (which the Evil Queen had not ordered, and would never wear, having given many hundreds of florins to the Duke of Fekkai, to color and style her perfect hair)

    I beg to differ, her hair is damaged from overbleaching and and the color is horrible, especially with her orange tan skintone. Yuk.

  22. Lilly Munster February 15, 2008 at 6:00 pm #

    (which the Evil Queen had not ordered, and would never wear, having given many hundreds of florins to the Duke of Fekkai, to color and style her perfect hair)

    I beg to differ, her hair is damaged from overbleaching and and the color is horrible, especially with her “orange tan”skin tone. Yuk.

  23. Thombeau February 15, 2008 at 6:32 pm #

    “Toothy Orange Bottom”!!! AHAHAHAAAHAAHAAAA!!!

  24. Daniela February 16, 2008 at 10:17 am #

    Muchos besos, my dear friend! This was truly the most superfantastic recap of this week’s episode!

    “… many florins to the Duke of Fekkai”

  25. Paige February 16, 2008 at 11:48 am #

    Bravo! Bravo! Bravo! A standing ovation!!!!

  26. olivia February 17, 2008 at 1:51 am #

    Manolo’s recap is truly fabulous and entertaining. Surely much love has gone into this review and he has shown much talent. Thank you for all you do.

    A long-time fan who regrets not posting sooner.

    livia

  27. Kate Cavendish February 17, 2008 at 11:41 pm #

    Wonderful entry. I had to go watch the episode on YouTube to make sure that the king wasn’t Robert Evans.

  28. shuzluva February 19, 2008 at 8:15 am #

    Thank you for this refreshing and hilarious look at PR. Bravo, The Manolo!

    P.S. I’m still looking forward to your more “traditional” review!

  29. Kristina March 6, 2008 at 5:30 am #

    Alas,the ELF was feral,fleet of hand the quickness of his needle, the flurry of his creative genius he did not realize every piece was exactly like the other. He was exhausted and fell asleep on a huge ruffled collar. He was awakened by Posh Elf(his patron) “once again you created the fiercest collection in the world!” Queen Hiedi was soooo pleased, oh she knew his collection was the same look over and over, but he amused her and would be a cute accsessory at her next party.FIERCE!!!