Prada for the First Monday of Summer

Manolo says, it is Monday and you are back at your desk and mightily ungruntled.

Indeed, it may be said that now is the summer of your discontent, made gloomy winter by that son of the so-and-so, whom you have been dating for this past month.

Oh, it all started out well enough; him tall, moderately handsome, tanned, and somewhat hairy in that outdoorsy way that makes dirty cargo shorts and Keen sandals seem sexy, especially when you are standing behind them in the Whole Foods Market.

Next thing you know, you are at the coffee shop lying about your politics and discussing the relative merits of recumbent bicycles with him over tall glasses of iced chai.

And for the first week everything goes swimmingly, even if the thought of tofu-vegetarian lasagna makes you gag, and you frequently worry that he might detect the scent of your usual lunch ( cheesesteak, “Whiz, wit“) lurking beneath your body spray.

By the end of the second week, however, you have discovered the awful truth, that his low-impact, ecologically friendly lifestyle is actually camouflage for the deep and abiding parsimoniousness; the pinchpenny cheapness so mean that he has never bought salt, sugar, ketchup, or mustard for home use, relying instead on the giant cache of pilfered condiment packets which reside in his cabinets, ever ready to season his “famous” lentil stew.

At first you think this trait is funny, because his eyes have this unusual purpley-blue color that reminds you of mountain lupin, and fogs your better judgment. But then, this past Friday, you realized that not only had you gone Dutch so often that you could apply to Amsterdam for citizenship, but that he had the bad habit of “forgetting” his wallet at home.

Even this would not be so awful, except that he was also, at the same time, revealed as the sanctimonious bore, forever going on about “out of control American consumerism”, (although when you mentioned Thorstein Veblen, whom you find terribly amusing, his lupin-blue eyes went blank with incomprehension).

But it was on Saturday, while he was ranting away about the “malign influence of fashion”, that you finally snapped, and told him exactly how much your Jimmy Choo sandals cost–“More than you’ve spent on personal hygiene products in a decade, Tofurky Boy.”– which left him gibbering in amazement and spluttering in anger.

Okay, so perhaps that was uncalled for, even if it did make you feel immediately better.

And now it is Monday and you are consumed with remorse for the three-and-the-half weeks you wasted on this crunchy loser and his skinflint ways.

But then you remember that nothing washes away the bitter taste of romantic disappointment like shoes, beautiful and riveting shoes, like these simple summery, golden Linea Rossi Sport sandals from Prada.

Prada Womens Shoes - Spring/Summer 2008 - Linea Rossa Sport  Manolo Likes!  Click!

13 Responses to “Prada for the First Monday of Summer”

  1. Katie June 23, 2008 at 8:07 am #

    Manolo, you are brilliant. This is just what I needed to read, and make me laugh, this morning. Thank you.

  2. deja pseu June 23, 2008 at 9:03 am #

    ah, the Manolo has captured in a single droll post my entire college dating scene. Seems as if nothing’s changed in thirty years, exept that the local organic co-op was bought out by Whole Foods.

    And those sandals! Ah! Lovely and not crunchy at all.

  3. Christine June 23, 2008 at 10:12 am #

    Thanks to the Manolo for the most hilarious post. Suddenly my grey Monday seems golden!

    And those shoes are to die for!

  4. VK June 23, 2008 at 12:21 pm #

    I heart Manolo. This made me smile and laugh. Perfect shoe-antidote to the hyper-pseudo-crunchy-granolaness so common to southern California.

  5. Ann June 23, 2008 at 12:29 pm #

    Well done, Manolo. Reminds me of Martin Mull’s movie Serial, a terrific satire of the crunchy crowd’s predecessors. The shoes are fabulous, too. What more could we ask?

  6. Poochie June 23, 2008 at 12:50 pm #

    Wow! Did you have that stored up all weekend.

    I can’t even begin to list all the things that I find hilarious in this post. It would be a cut and past of the entire entry.

    A terrible and awful vision you painted there.

    I must go find solace in my closet of shoes.

    Luv
    Poochie

  7. Bridey June 23, 2008 at 1:07 pm #

    Like deja pseu, I have dated this man! Tall, blue-eyed, bearded, and beautiful, and with granola for brains. Fortunately, I work from home, so I can laugh out loud without arousing the curiosity or derision of anyone but the cat. This is brilliant.

    And they’re great shoes, too!

  8. SusanC June 23, 2008 at 1:08 pm #

    Ah, I think the Manolo has spent time in San Francisco and seen the hippy bohos within, those who rant about the consumer excesses of others while riding their $3000 custom mountain bikes. (Yes, it’s okay to have a $3000 custom bike, but only if you lay off the tirades.)

    And I’m glad it has been noticed how cheap Mr. Tofurky often is. Dated their ilk a couple of times then married a MidWesterner.

  9. Danna June 23, 2008 at 1:28 pm #

    Mwah, I love the Manolo, thanks for the Monday laugh. Just so you know…if you happen to be eating peach yogurt and reading the Manolo at the same time, it does indeed hurt to have the peach yogurt snorted out through the nostrils.

  10. Chaser June 23, 2008 at 1:50 pm #

    Oh, don’t forget about the hours you spent pretending to think the poetry of the Robert Bly did anything other than stimulate a gag reflex.

  11. belle June 23, 2008 at 8:37 pm #

    Manolo, brilliantly hilarious.
    It sound’s like my college dating too…until I met Mr. Institutional Investor and got serious. Deja, back in the day, you didn’t happen to date a tall, blue eyed, bearded, granola chomping, birkenstock wearing PHD guy named Drew at Stanford, did you? Good God…what was I thinking….

  12. Matthew Kimel June 24, 2008 at 1:47 pm #

    haha, my roommate never buys salt, sugar, ketchup, or mustard etc…he has the funniest (saddest) collection you’ve ever seen.

  13. Mad Cartoonist June 25, 2008 at 12:23 pm #

    Hilarious!!! Apparently, you were a “fly on the wall” during my ill-fated winter romance with Mr Cheap-o, anti-consumerist, environmentalist-for-show.

    He also “forgot” his wallet every time we went out and was also too cheap to buy food (or even blankets for his bed). Booze and pot, an iPhone, a racing motorcycle, and a hot tub he considered essentials, though! Also the Prius and the Rolex that his rich Daddy had bought him. And his house, which his Dad also owned.

    I finally dumped him when he scolded me for “using too much water” while I was washing his dishes for him. And while he was filling up his hot tub at the same time.