Project Runway, Season Five, Episode 4

Manolo says, does the Manolo (as ill as he is) need to patiently explain to the producers of the Project Runway, that persons who take up the designing of clothes are not, in general, persons who know much about athletics (other than perhaps ice dancing)?

Indeed, as far as the Manolo could tell, only Emphatically Not Gay Joe and Angry Gay Mormon Kevin had any personal experience with sports, and in Kevin’s case that experience was gymnastics, (a.k.a ice dancing for people who do not like the cold).

And so, it was with this hidden but predictable liability that the designers were set to producing make believe costumes for the U.S. Olympic team, who would presumably sashay proudly into the stadium, or in the case of Stella, pop the synchronized wheelies on their red, white, and blue custom Harleys.

By the time of the final runway show, all the Manolo could think was “cluelessness”. Indeed, the best summation was when Micheal Kors said that it was as if the instructions had been “delivered in the foreign language”, undoubtedly one with many stray consonants and glottal fricatives, like Finno-Ugric, or Klingon.

Clearly, the last time many of these designers had ever seen the athlete, were in the final seconds before some laughing, low-browed jock shoved them into gym locker and slammed the door, as what most of them produced had not the least passing resemblance to what any self-respecting Olympic athlete would wear.

For some unknown reason, many of the designers settled on the 1940s femme fatale chanteuse, or else Rosie the Riveter, as their design inspiration, with Jennifer, who was rightfully sent away as the loser, settling on Jacquelyn Smith for Kmart as hers. Ayyy, but that was one terrible outfit.

Equally terrible, but in the different way, was that of Jerell (whom the Manolo has taken to calling Miss J. Alexander, Junior. And, by the way, what is it with the Idi Amin Dada garrison cap, Generalissimo J?) This outfit, all retro frou-frou and polka-dots, would have been fine for meeting the Queen Mum for tea at Harrods, circa 1936, but was otherwise inexplicable.

The less said about Daniel’s purpley-blue cocktail shift the better. Plainly, that boy is on the edge of the nervous breakdown. (It is like Chekhov’s dictum about stage guns, if Tim Gunn, our National Treasure, is mentioning the nervous breakdown in episode four, you can be sure it goes off in episode five.)

As for the winners, they were okay. Emphatically Not Gay Joe did the proper athletic thing, although not especially well, but props for the zippers. Korto, the default winner, produced another flowing pantsuit for the big-legged girl, as if she expected Hillary Clinton to lead the U.S. team into the stadium, in which case you would need sleeves. And Terri did the smart jackety thing, although the outfit looked more suitable for the jaunty Fourth of July with the Boston Pops, rather than the Olympics.

And the final word of the day: “tanorexic”, as in “Blayne the Alka-Seltzer Mascot is the tanorexic fool who is heading for early melanoma.”

14 Responses to “Project Runway, Season Five, Episode 4”

  1. wannabe August 8, 2008 at 3:01 pm #

    The Manolo may be ill, but if the sick produces the sic, well then, stand in some drafty doorways brother. This was genius. Hilarious and all too on the mark.

  2. Miz Shoes August 8, 2008 at 4:00 pm #

    “Korto, the default winner, produced another flowing pantsuit for the big-legged girl, as if she expected Hillary Clinton to lead the U.S. team into the stadium, in which case you would need sleeves. And Terri did the smart jackety thing, although the outfit looked more suitable for the jaunty Fourth of July with the Boston Pops, rather than the Olympics.”

    Howling! Brilliant!! The Manolo is not the only person who remembers the large, piano legs of our former first lady. And Miss J, Jr??? Priceless.

    Feel better, sweetiedarling

  3. eric3000 August 8, 2008 at 4:43 pm #

    I can understand all the gays not watching a lot of sporting events. But what self-respecting homo would miss the oportunity to see Bjork in a giant dress that covered an entire stadium? The opening ceremonies of the Olympics are about the gayest thing on the planet.

  4. Miss Janey August 8, 2008 at 6:41 pm #

    Miss Janey is happier these days reading The Manolo’s hilarious recaps of PR than she is actually watching it.

  5. Long Island August 8, 2008 at 10:26 pm #

    I agree Miss Janey. I am watching PR because the viewing show makes the Manolo’s post all the funnier.

    PR should give the Manolo a cut of the profits.

    Feel Better Manolo!

  6. Susanna August 9, 2008 at 12:41 am #

    As the Jennifer departed, she was still banging on about her “surrealism.”

    Huh?

    “Generalissimo J.” (snicker)

  7. valawhoo August 9, 2008 at 9:04 am #

    Although apparently Ralph Lauren did design the US athletes’ opening ceremonies’ outfits… which looked oddly like they were all in town to compete in cricket, circa 1930.

  8. Jonathan Silber August 9, 2008 at 12:43 pm #

    Manolo’s observations about the “Project Runway” are more entertaining — and instructive — than the show itself.

  9. Melissa B. August 9, 2008 at 1:01 pm #

    Jennifer seemed nice enough, but her supposed “surrealism” never showed itself on the runway. I don’t even have words to describe or explain her incredibly strange choices for this challenge. Actually, the Manolo’s word, “cluelessness,” works pretty well.

    I’m glad you are now well enough to blog on this episode, Manolo — your recaps and Tim Gunn’s growing annoyance with this crop of sub-par talent are the most enjoyable things about this season! Does anyone else feel like Bravo really rushed to produce Season 5?

  10. pam August 9, 2008 at 4:20 pm #

    Up Korto
    repping west africa yay!

  11. "The shoe-obsessed" Wayne August 9, 2008 at 10:00 pm #

    This is why I’m not a fan of most “reality TV”: most of the contestants (wannabes) are given ridiculously stupid stunts to prove how clueless and/or untalented they really are, except in this case, how GAY they really are.

  12. karlbloggerfeld August 11, 2008 at 5:31 am #

    “Indeed, the best summation was when Micheal Kors said that it was as if the instructions had been “delivered in the foreign language”, undoubtedly one with many stray consonants and glottal fricatives, like Finno-Ugric, or Klingon.”

    um, i love you.

  13. wannabe August 11, 2008 at 11:13 am #

    Dear shoe-obsessed Wayne,

    Though I don’t disagree with the premise that reality shoes are stupid, I must note for the record that I am not the wannabe of which you speak. And I’m not quite certain I follow your logic vis a vis the “demonstration of the gay.”

  14. bookgirl August 12, 2008 at 3:59 pm #

    Well, I think someone should produce a reality dating show with Manolo as the prize. By show of hands, who wants in? ;P