Winker Jeans

Manolo says, behold! Perhaps the single worst ass-o-centric fashion idea since Victoria’s Secret printed the work “Pink” on the back of their shorty-shorts.

They are called Winker Jeans.

There’s something just a bit disturbing about this: Jeans that wink as you walk.

They’re Winker Jeans, nicknamed Winkers. The imprinted eyes on the butt wink at anybody following the wearer. And how thrilling, they’re made in America, the brainchild of William Jones, a retired father of five and grandfather of seven who lives in Everett, WA.

You can smell the excitement at the company headquarters, whose website declares, “Patent pending,” and hot diggity, “Licensing Is Available!

Jones says that the idea came to him when, naturally, he was checking out a woman as she walked past him. Nice. Grampa’s a dirty old man.

His range isn’t limited to just eyes, though. The imprints include ducks that seem to quack, an owl that blinks, a Lion King jungle scene, and a scene slates that you snap on the set when the direct yells, “Action!”

Cost for a pair of jeans: $569 each.

$569!! Is that in American dollars? Ayyyyy!

Thankfully, these are too expensive to be purchased by those who would likely wear them, although, if the price comes down substantially, look for them in the Wal-Mart nearest you.

P.S. Many thanks to the Manolo’s internet friend CBHutton for alerting the Manolo to this abomination.

18 Responses to “Winker Jeans”

  1. daisyj. August 26, 2009 at 3:33 pm #

    The price tag does come as a relief, and something of a surprise. If there ever was an item of clothing that was destined to be paired with a kitten sweatshirt and pompom socks, this would seem to be it.

  2. Cat August 26, 2009 at 4:55 pm #

    That is . . . I just . . . I got nothing. I’m speechless.

  3. Minky August 26, 2009 at 5:11 pm #

    And those ladies are really working it!

    “Gotta pick up the kids at school and get my medication. Sigh. At least my ass is winking.”

  4. La BellaDonna August 26, 2009 at 5:25 pm #

    La BellaDonna says, “This is why people wind up in Retirement Homes, sir.”

  5. Miss Dove August 26, 2009 at 5:56 pm #

    I don’t think that any company in the pants business should be using the phrase, “you can smell the excitement”.

  6. raincoaster August 26, 2009 at 5:59 pm #

    Have you BEEN to Everett, Washington? The cultural highlight is the discount shoe warehouse.

  7. Robyn Marie's Shoe Closet August 26, 2009 at 7:44 pm #

    That is so gross. Seriously.

  8. Jodi August 26, 2009 at 9:16 pm #

    Does anyone remember the 80’s movie “So Fine” with Ryan O’neal? These pants look a lot like the cutout pants in that movie.

  9. RJ Flamingo August 27, 2009 at 2:10 am #

    Seriously, Manolo? You made me sit through three and a half minutes of that? On purpose?!? As a recognized arbiter of fashion, you neglected to mention the obvious: Aside from the fact that those things are seriously hideous – not to mention, *creepy* – what woman in her right mind wants to walk down the street having people stare at her fat ass, trying to figure out what they’re looking at?!? Oh, wait. I just answered my own question.

  10. P Adhikari August 27, 2009 at 9:12 am #

    Manolo I was having a bad day till now, not any longer!Amazed at what this little piece of marvel called brain can do!

    P Adhikari

    http://www.fashionfifthavenue.blogspot.com

  11. MonkeyParts August 27, 2009 at 11:42 am #

    the most depressing thing – and there’s a lot to be depressed about here – is that these jeans work best if your butt has some “chunky overhang” and the pants are a little too tight in the crotch.

    yi.

    I might be able to “work” the winkers, but that’s REALLLLLY not something I want people noticing.

  12. Pam Walter August 27, 2009 at 11:59 am #

    Even if I could afford these, I don’t think my butt cheeks are what I would want people to focus on.

  13. Vicki August 27, 2009 at 12:48 pm #

    Good grief. You don’t have to watch the clip to know that gramps is a butthead.

  14. catfriend August 27, 2009 at 3:11 pm #

    At last!! The perfect pants to wear with the Crocs!

  15. Livia August 27, 2009 at 10:12 pm #

    Have they sold one yet?

  16. desertwind August 29, 2009 at 3:44 am #

    P U !!!!

    Get that excitement outta my face.

  17. jeanne August 29, 2009 at 12:52 pm #

    Whoever wears these is just advertising that they are butt heads. And because they are real butt heads they will think this is cool. With every little wiggle and wink they are just screaming, “Kick me, I’m too stupid to know any better.” I would love to see some really stupid people wearing these. What a joke they would be!!!!! Not cool, just down right assinine.

  18. Avantika January 10, 2010 at 1:59 am #

    i think grandpa has way too much time on his hands. at least he was able to turn some innocent butt observation into a viable (use of this word is questionable) business.