Manolo says, it is Monday, and you are back at your desk furiously burning up the internet in your Cyber Monday quest to purchase as many of the bargain-priced gifts as possible. And it is all because, this year, as God is your witness, you will not wait until the last minute to do your shopping.

Still, your tendency to wait until the last minute is nothing compared to that of your brother, who famously does all of his shopping on Christmas Eve, usually after the normal stores have closed, at the Seven-Eleven or the Quik-Stop, which accounts for the many unusual gifts you and your children and parents have received over the years. (Indeed, who can forget the Christmas in which you unwrapped the brand new oil filter wrench? Or the Christmas in which your children received bags of Slim Jims and cans of the mint flavored snuff?)

Of the course, you suspect that this is one of the many reasons why your brother Bob remains unmarried well into his early forties. Yes, he has plenty of girlfriends, including the exotic dancer who accompanied him to your niece’s christening. She was the one with the shorty-short skirt with the handkerchief hem which very nearly exposed her lady-bits when she sat down. (Gary and your teenaged son still mention her “impressive rack” when they think you are out of ear-shot.)

Sigh.

Oh well, back to the shopping.

Ayyyy! Gucci! Gucci! Gucci!

Gucci! Gucci! Gucci!