Manolo says, it is Monday and you are back at your desk unable to fully concentrate on your working, and it is all because of your husband, Gary, who has officially gone insane.
Frankly, this has been building for several years now, beginning in the early 1999 when Gary acquired the life-sized plastic skeleton at the yard sale.
For the first several months, Bony Bob resided behind the bar down in the Gary Cave, clutching the empty bottle of Schlitz, the half-smoked cigar clenched between his teeth.
However, when Halloween arrived that year, Gary brought Bob up the stairs, seated him in the lawn chair on the front porch and put the block of dry ice in the bucket of hot water beneath him. It was the simple but effective decoration, and many were the compliments that year, which, of the course, was all the encouragement your man needed.
The next year, Bony Bob was moved out to the lawn, into the ersatz graveyard made of styrofoam tombstones and cotton spiderwebs. The year after, marked the acquisition of the professional fog machine and the stuffed vulture. And 2003 saw the installation of the temporary sound system, from which issued, alternately, the ghostly sounds and the manic laughter (both recorded by Gary in the basement).
In 2005, Gary added sophisticated animatronics so that Bony Bob and the vulture, now named Petey, could move and talk. That year, your Halloween candy bill topped $200.
And then things got crazy, and now, planning for the Halloween begins in June, when Gary “conceptualizes” the display using computer drafting tools and scale models of your house and lawn. Of the course, he does not share his plans with anyone until the unveiling, and indeed, right now your front lawn is shrouded behind the 12′ screens he erected last week.
Last year, your house, which had the nearly full-sized pirate ship on the lawn, Cap’n Bony Bob at the wheel, Petey next to him, made the front page of the local paper, and was featured on the News at Six.
And so naturally, Gary vowed to outdo himself, but you have begun to get worried, because you have not seen him for three days, just heard the furious construction noises and noticed the giant pile of empty beer cans in the recycling bin.
“Gary, honey,” you shouted over the screen this morning, “don’t you think you should come in and take break.”
You know what you need now? Shoes, beautiful, unusual, very trendy shoes…
Like these Valentino Studded T-Bar Lizard Pumps which all of the girls in Paris (where Halloween is not such the big deal) are wearing.