N.B. In honor of the Manolo’s six years of shoeblogging, the Manolo has decided to repost this week some of his favorite pieces.
Back before the Project Runway, the shark did jump, the Manolo regularly commented upon the episodes of the show. Among the most popular of these comments was the fairy tale inspired by elf-like capering of Christian Siriano, who eventually won the whole contest. This post first appeared on February 15th, 2008.
Manolo says, Once upon the time, there was the poor tailor who was in danger of having his head chopped off if he did not complete the fabulously fierce outfits for the evil queen,
and her court…
…jesters, Toothy Orange Bottom and Brunhilde Valkyrie.
The tailor worked for many days without sleep, cutting and sewing, sewing and cutting. But, as the deadline approached, there were as yet fifteen yards of organza to be worked into the designs he had chosen, and the unhappy but honest tailor became worried and began to despair.
Even his acquaintance, the wise wizard who lived down the block, could only offer platitudes.
“Make it work,” said the wizard most unhelpfully, as he left the tailors shop.
“Ayyyyy!” shouted the tailor, “I am doomed. The Queen will have my head!”
The tailor collapsed into his chair near the fire, put his head in his hands, and wept the bitter, bitter tears, knowing that all was lost. After many minutes of sobbing, he fell asleep, certain that the morning would bring his execution.
It was then, while the tailor was sleeping his uneasy sleep, that the most miraculous thing happened.
First, there was the faint sound of tiny bells, followed by the strong scent of Aqua Net and Elizabeth Taylor’s “White Diamonds”, and then, with the audible pop, the tiny little fashion elf appeared out of no where!
Flouncing around the room, scattering fairy dust and candy kisses.
He flounced here, and he flounced there. Around the tailor’s shop he went, until at last he came to the tailor’s table, where he picked up the fifteen yards of organza, and began sewing!
The little fashion elf worked at the miraculous speed no mortal could match, sewing and cutting, his little fingers flying across the material like the herd of tiny gazelles, producing the straight-leg pants, and frilly shirts, and black vests, and poofy-poofy-poofy sleeves galore.
All the while he worked, the little fashion elf was cackling madly, and congratulating himself on his superior ability, and talking smack about all of the other elves back in work room.
“Ha, ha, ha. I’m the fiercest elf of all, bitches!”
Within the few, short, furious minutes the littlest fashion elf was finished. All of the clothes were done to perfection, even the marvelous hat, (which the Evil Queen had not ordered, and would never wear, having given many hundreds of florins to the Duke of Fekkai, to color and style her perfect hair.)
When he was finished, the tiny elf stood up, laid out the marvelous new clothes for the tailor, snapped his fingers three times, and…poof!…vanished into nothingness.
In the morning, when the tailor awoke, certain that this would be his last day on earth, there were the marvelous, miraculous clothes laid out on his workbench.
“Ayyyy!” shouted the tailor, “it is the miracle! Someone has made the fiercely androgynous clothing for the women, clothes which makes the wearer appear to be the sort of Spanish hidalgo! Surely the demanding Evil Queen and her court, always fickle and eager for novelty, will appreciate this!”
And so it was off to the palace, where the tailor showed his new clothes to the Queen and her companions. Everyone loved, loved, loved, the clothes. Even the old king, slumbering on his throne, woke up and took notice.
“I like,” he said, “I can tell, you love, because you put so mucha love into this. It is highest.”
No one really knew what the King was saying, because he was old and foreign, and had drunk too many glasses of his royal wine. But they all smiled anyway, confident that what the little elf had produced was among the best things they had seen in many seasons.