Archive - July, 2011

Manolo the Columnist: Lightning from Stuart Weitzman

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

I need help with a major wardrobe decision. Over the past year, I’ve lost nearly 80 pounds, and have finally reached my goal weight of 135. Naturally, I need an entirely new set of clothes. The weirdest thing, however, is that my feet have also shrunk, between a half and a full shoe size. They’ve even gotten narrower! So I need new shoes. I want something sexy and strappy and suitable for dancing the night away. Please help.

Lisa

Manolo says, the Manolo’s friend Lisa is to be congratulated on her accomplishment, as losing the unnecessary weight is truly one of the hardest things in the world to do.

Indeed, the Manolo, himself, has long struggled with his own poor genetics and powerful appetites. He was not blessed with the long, thin, elegant silhouette which has been the fashion in the West since the medieval times. Nor is the Manolo one of those people who can subsist on barley water and bran rusks, preferring in the stead, savory roasts and vegetables in the cream sauces.

And thus, if asked to describe his own current figure, the Manolo would answer, “somewhat thickish around the middle” (although the judges would also have accepted “Falstaffian”).

Sigh.

Thank goodness for the custom tailoring and the male foundation garments!

Look! Here is the Lightning from the Stuart Weitzman, the sexy sandal with which to dance away the night.

Lightning from Stuart Weitzman

Whose Shoes Wednesday…The Answer!

Manolo asked, whose shoes?

Maria Bellos Shoes

Manolo answers, it is the Maria Bello!

This was one of those rare instances where none of the Manolo’s internet friends was able to identify this week’s personage of note.

The Giant Pakistani Shoe!

The Giant Pakistani Shoe!

Manolo says, ayyy! Hameed the shoemaker looks so comfy!

Many thanks to the Manolo’s internet friend the Legatrix for finding this.

Whose Shoes Wednesday

Manolo asks, whose shoes?

Manolo Blahnik Strappy Suede Sandals for the Monday

Manolo says, it is Monday and you are back at your desk slaving away for man, the weekend the fast fading memory.

Sadly, most of these weekends are not even worth remembering, given over as they are to the demands of the lawn care, and the house care, and the car care, and the laundry care, and all of the niggling little cares that weigh down the suburban homeowner.

It was not always thus. Once, when you and Gary were first married, you had the romantic dreams of walk-up flats in Paris and long trips to the Greek isles, where you would squeeze the juice out of life together.

Now, on the Saturdays, it is up early and off to the garden store, where you spend several hours shopping for the new edge-trimmers, and the pesticides, and the black spot resistant roses, which is sad because neither of you really enjoy the gardening.

Then, as you are heading out, you notice that Gary has gotten busy loading hundred-pound bags of colored stone (mostly reds and blues) onto your shopping cart.

“What are you doing,” you ask.

“Xeriscape!” shouts Gary, “We need to xeriscape the whole damn thing. Front yard, back yard, side yards. Hell, xeriscape the living room.”

“What are you talking about?’

“Low-maintenance, low-water landscaping. Xeriscaping. Saw it is Sunset while I was waiting at the oil change place. Tear up the whole yard, lay down colored stone and plant cactuses. Prickly pears, and barrel cactuses, and maybe some giant saguaro.”

“Gary, honey,” when he gets like this you have to gently talk him down, “we live in Ohio.”

It is moments like this that make you realize that shoes are nature’s own Prozac.

Manolo Blahnik Strappy Suede Sandals

Look, what could be more soothing and satisfying than strappy suede sandals from the Maestro Manolo Blahnik?

You know, maybe some colored rocks in the side yard aren’t such the bad idea.

Manolo the Columnist: Alexa from Lauren by Ralph Lauren

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

It’s wicked hot outside. Can you recommend some inexpensive sandals that will keep me both cool and looking great until fall arrives?

Mary

Manolo says, ayyy! It is the Great Deadly Unprecedented Heat Wave of 2011! Or so the peoples are screaming at you from every broadcast media outlet.

Indeed, when you woke up this morning, that normally avuncular fellow who does the weather on “Wake Up, D.C.!” was weeping hysterically that his patented “RealFeeling Heat Index” (the secret combination of heat, humidity, dew point, and temperature readings taken from the surface of the sun) would soar to the unheard of temperature of 317 degrees in the shade, which will shortly not exist because all of the trees in your neighborhood will “spontaneously burst into flames by noon”.

And yet, the few minutes later, while you are enjoying the soft-boiled egg, you flip to the more level-headed weather report in the Post, where you find that the actual temperature for the day will be 103 degrees Fahrenheit.

Yes, it will be hot and nasty and humid and terribly unpleasant, but then what did you expect? This is the Washington, D.C. in the summer. When has it not always been thus?

Take the advice of the Manolo: turn the air conditioner up and the television off. Pour yourself the big glass of iced tea and settle into your reading chair for the long afternoon of pirate-themed romance novels.

Here is the Alexa from Lauren by Ralph Lauren. The moderately priced sandal with the classic good looks that will keep you both cool and looking cool until at least October.

Whose Shoes Wednesday…The Answer!

Manolo asked, whose shoes?

Mila Kunis Shoes

Manolo answers, it is the Mila Kunis!

Congratulations to the Manolo’s internet friend, the Laura K., who was, for the second week in the row, the first to identify personage of the moment.

Whose Shoes Wednesday

Manolo asks, whose shoes?

Ask the Never teh Bride

Manolo says, now is the chance to ask our friend Christa (a.k.a. Never teh Bride) the embarrassing questions.

Miu Miu Glitter & Suede Bow Peep-Toe Ankle Boots For the Monday

Manolo says, it is Monday, over halfway through the summer of your discontent, and frankly you feel as if you are trapped on the treadmill of life. Five days the week it is exactly the same thing, up and out the door to work, up and out the door to work, up and out the door to work… lather, rinse, and repeat.

Sadly, the weekends offer little respite from the repetitive drudgery of the week. On Saturday you must take care of the house, and do the laundry, and the shopping, and perhaps mow the lawn. Then Sunday, it is up and out the door to the church, followed by Sunday afternoon, the saddest part of the week, tainted as it is by the foreknowledge of what awaits you on the Monday morning.

Worse, on Sundays you are always made aware that this discontent you suffer is in vaguely immoral.

Indeed, in the church on Sunday morning, as you listened to the report from the mission team in South Sudan you knew just how lucky you were to be you. Any of those South Sudanese would instantly trade their flyblown huts and dung fires for your 2008 Toyota Camry, your colonial 3/2 in the suburbs, and your 40-hour-the-week job at the ImTechCom, Inc.

And yet, knowledge of your good fortune does little to make you feel better about how your life is going. Such is the modern world, no? Discontent and good fortune marching hand-in-hand.

Well, at the least there are beautiful and unusual shoes to take us out of ourselves for the briefest instant…

Miu Miu Glitter and Suede Bow Pumps

Unusual shoes such as the Glitter & Suede Bow Ankle Boots from Miu Miu, which surely must be the work of divine providence.

Manolo the Columnist: Ripple Metallic Sandals from Jimmy Choo

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

What would you recommend for the junior associate at a law firm in the District to make her feel better about her life choices during those 10 or so hours a week when she’s not breaking her back at work? You know, something fun and feminine that reminds her that she’s not just a paperwork machine?

Becky

Manolo says, unfortunately, the life of the junior lawyer is not as glamorous as the various television courtroom dramas have led us to believe.

Instead of the tense cross-examination of hostile witness, complete with the frequent shouting of the word “Objection!,” most young lawyers spend their days and nights searching stacks of obtuse legal documents for the stray commas.

It is the tediously boring, labor-intensive work, which must be performed with great accuracy, as the other side will have their own army of young lawyers doing exactly the same thing.

Indeed, the work is so demanding and the pressure so intense that one associate in California recently died at her desk from exhaustion, overworked by the demands of her job.

At the least, the job is moderately well-paid, even if one has little time to spend the paycheck, which is why the Manolo recommends the Ripple Metallic Leather Sandals from the Jimmy Choo. Beautiful and elegant, these shoes are too fancy to wear to work, which is the whole point, yes?

Ripple Metallic Sandals from Jimmy Choo

Whose Shoes Wednesday…The Answer!

Manolo asked, whose shoes?

Meryl Streep Shoes

Manolo answers, it is the Meryl Streep!

Congratulations to the Manolo’s internet friend, the Laura K, who was the first to correctly identify this week’s personage of note.

Page 1 of 212»