Kristen Stewart, Anti-Glamour

Nice Hair

Manolo says, behold, the highest paid actress in Hollywood!

$34.5 million dollars for looking drippy in Balmain and Ed Grimley’s hairdo; $34.5 million for affectless performances that could be better done by the department store mannequin with the midget inside.

At least the mannequin-midget would look good in the clothes.

Speaking of which, the Manolo does not wish to be harsh, but girlfriend does not know how to wear the clothes, indeed, she seems uncomfortable in anything that does not have the drawstring. Slouching, scowling, muttering her way down the red carpet, at one movie premiere after the next; woe be to the designer who thinks he has found the perfect celebrity showcase, for Kristen Stewart’s anti-glamour makes everything look bad.

But, on the plus side, unlike the last highest paid actress, she will not be stealing Brad Pitt away from his woman.

And now the few examples, to prove the Manolo’s point…

The color of the gunny sack.

This dress would be lovely, if it were not dun colored, and if Kristen Stewart were not wearing it.
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Would rather be at home, sulking on couch with bag of cheetos

Frankly, the Manolo does not wish to know what is going on here. Let us just say that he hopes Kristen Stewart is wearing clean underwear, and leave it at that.
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Kristen Stewart wearing colorful, shapeless, pleatherette bag

Ayyyyy! Color-block pleatherette!

9 Responses to “Kristen Stewart, Anti-Glamour”

  1. Blythe Mucke June 21, 2012 at 11:26 am #

    See the Vanity Fair with K.S. on the cover? Glamour issue addressed therein. Timely post by The Manolo! Natch!

  2. ShoeCloszet June 21, 2012 at 11:31 am #

    Sadly, enough I thought the same thing when I saw the picture of Kristin in Balmain. The dress is just laying on her. She doesn’t look polished.

    • Manolo the Shoeblogger June 21, 2012 at 11:36 am #

      In her favor, the Balmain outfit is cut wrong for her shape, and slouch.

  3. long island June 21, 2012 at 11:46 am #

    I don’t think anything could help that color block dress but those white shoes are so very wrong.

    However, I am sure I will be totally alone in my opinion here but there is something very likeable about her and her boy vampire friend. I get the feeling they don’t take the whole twilight thing very serious.

  4. Andyshoes June 21, 2012 at 12:09 pm #

    OMG.

    In the Balmain I think she looks the a character from this film, with the addition of spray-on hair.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coneheads_(film)

    I can find no comparison for some of the other outfits.

  5. Spooky June 21, 2012 at 12:23 pm #

    The dead-eyed gaze is sort of strange and off-putting seen on someone who is objectively quite pretty. But you pair that with what seems to be a sort of nihilistic approach to personal style–how she presents herself, mostly–and it just…flops. She could at least stand up straight!

    The in-demand bit could possibly be because she’s getting hired to capitalize on her Twilight-related popularity, in which case they’re aware that she can’t really act, but teens will go to see her anyway–at least until the next craze comes along. So presumably, her being the highest-paid actress is very temporary.

    Either way, if she’s dressing herself, it makes me sad–and if she is being dressed, it also makes me sad. Sad…and amused.

  6. Gemdiva June 21, 2012 at 11:10 pm #

    The Balmain looks like something that hung on the back of an easy chair in my grandmother’s parlor.

  7. LIsa from SoCal June 22, 2012 at 12:33 am #

    I’ve heard that the muttering and the dead eyes and the slouching etc all explained as “She has anxiety problems on the pressure cooker of the red carpet.” To which I respond, that does explain the terrible acting on set, or the fact that color blocked skirt makes me scream and pull at my hair.

    I have anxiety problems, and I understand, I really do, but the way to deal with it is NOT–definitely not–to go dressed like a clown when lots of people are looking. I prescribe Reese Witherspoon’s stylist. Relatively comfy, relatively pretty, relatively conservative cocktail-length dresses to get her to feel comfy and low-key, but still pretty, instead of trying to do the whole super-glam Nicole Kidman thing. You have to want people looking at you to wear the first outfit (with the Ed Grimley hair–I had forgotten about him. I’m so excited, I must say). And I’m not sure how tall she is, but she’s not tall enough for that dress. That has nothing to do with confidence and everything to do with handlers who know how to pick out clothes.

  8. ChaChaHeels June 22, 2012 at 9:45 am #

    Someone also has to tell her that because she’s an actress, she has to act like she’s pleased to see everyone who is so kind to pay good money to see her make whatever appearance she is making. Just act like it! Stand up straight, smile, be kind, give autographs…then, when you are out of public view, go to the nearest washroom and do whatever self-abuse you have to do to express whatever it is you’re really feeling that you’re letting yourself indulge in now, in public, where it is not appropriate.

    That’s all it would take, nothing more.