On the Occasion of Katie Holmes Filing for Divorce: The Death Grip of Super Masculinity

By Manolo the Shoeblogger

Manolo says, the world of those who do not have eyes to see was rocked today when actress Katie Holmes filed for divorce from her husband of six years, the Tom Cruise.

Of the course, for those of us who are attentive to the matters of body language, it was perhaps easy to see that all was not well from the beginning, for indeed, as the “romance” played out in public through 2005 and 2006, the Manolo noticed something strange, something he referred to as the…

Death Grip of Super Masculinity!

As the Manolo said at the time, it was as if he were “trying to choke the Xenu right out of her”.

The Patented Kung Fu Grip of Manly Love

Elevator Shoes and a Strong Pimp Hand

Yes, Tom Cruise’s pimp hand was strong…

I din't mean to hurt you, Baby. You know I love you. It's this temper. Why you gotta be like this. Come on, now, Baby.

Although, occasionally, the other one was not…

The right hand does not know what the left hand is doing.

All of this was evidence of what the Manolo referred to at the time as, The Romance of the Century (& Part 2). The great love affair that played out in the public sphere, and on the couch of the Oprah Winfrey.

And now, it ends in divorce.

But that is okay, because it frees Tom up to be with the person he really loves…

I love this man!  He's magnificent!

P.S. Also from 2006, The Prisoner of Xenu


10 Responses to “On the Occasion of Katie Holmes Filing for Divorce: The Death Grip of Super Masculinity”

  1. Lisa from SoCal Says:


  2. Livia Says:

    She’s put in her time. She has earned her freedom.

  3. Charlie Martin Says:

    She got too old. Tom doesn’t want a grey beard.

  4. venus velvet Says:

    TMZ is saying it’s about getting Suri away from the Scientologists.

  5. 1389AD Says:

    I suspect that Tom Cruise and some other celebs who got into Scientology did so because they thought it’d help them stay in the closet.

    Doesn’t work that way.

  6. toadold Says:

    The important thing is that now she will be able to shop for shoes and wear the nice high heels and dresses when she appears in public. She needs to look over the offerings of the Manolo’s advertisers and the Manolo’s recommendations. The nice spike heel into the instep for a grabber should be done with a well constructed shoe.

  7. Fat Man Says:

    Tom Cruise + John Travolta, the first gay scientologist wedding.

    Won’t that be something.

  8. sly damsel Says:

    That death grip is something; like he knew on some level that this woman would never really be his and he was trying to force her to be his anyway.

  9. Rich Fader Says:

    Tom and John? Eh, maybe. I doubt it. Definitely not Tom and Steve. I suspect Tom’s first love is Tom.

    Speaking of which, the movie that’s going to happen sooner rather than later (as much as I personally think John and Rielle need to go away and leave us alone) is the John and Elizabeth Edwards/Rielle Hunter biopic, with Tom playing the role he was born to play, the guy whom he already resembles so much it’s eerie, the guy he really only needs blond hair and a Carolina accent to play…who else but the Breck Girl. Melissa McCarthy as Elizabeth. Rielle Hunter? I don’t know. Reese Witherspoon?

  10. Dawn Says:

    If Suri leaves with Katie, whose shoes will Tom borrow?

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