Manolo in the Daily Dot

Manolo says, in case you missed this, last week, the Manolo wrote the small piece for the Daily Dot website about the pernicious effects of the fancy food blogs…

It is all because of the deleterious effects of the food blogs that early this morning you had to make the special trip to that hipster butcher shop, you know the one with the nice young men who have the arms full of tattoos and wear the ironic handlebar mustachios. Unfortunately, because of the food blogs, you had no choice. You had to pick up the organic, pastured, free-range, eighteen-pound heirloom turkey, which had been ordered directly from the farmer for your big Thanksgiving meal.

When you got to the check out counter, you were afraid to look while the Betty Boop-a-like girl in the polka-dot kerchief rang you up, so you just handed over your debit card and pretended to examine the copy of Adbusters. It was one hundred and nineteen dollars and change. More money than you had paid for the past six holiday turkeys combined, all of them honest Butterball toms who had given their lives in noble service to gluttony and national pride.

You had not wanted to spend so much money on the bird, but two years ago it was your brother’s turn to host the family festival, and his wife (who is the adjunct professor of sociology down at the junior college) served the organic free-range turkey, which everyone, including your husband Gary, praised as “the best bird ever.”

What made this all so galling is that your sister-in-law has her own silly food blog, (silly, despite the fact that it was nominated for the James Beard Award for Excellence in Pornographic Food Photography, which it thankfully did not win) which means that on Friday morning the entire interwebs were treated to the large picture of Gary, fork in mouth, being transported in orgasmic ecstasy to the ethereal plane of turkey delight. Tweeted and retweeted by the followers of your sister-in-laws blog, this photo of Gary had become, by the end of the weekend, its own meme, prominently featured above the fold on the Buzzfeed with the variety of captions, the majority of which were variations on the theme “Ermahgerd Terky!”

And now you must go read the rest of the piece.

3 Responses to “Manolo in the Daily Dot”

  1. marvel November 27, 2012 at 11:55 am #

    The Bentley was a nice touch.

    I don’t get the deconstructed pumpkin pie. There is no chocolate in pumpkin pie. I do not believe it is possible to improve upon a food so perfect as pumpkin pie. Unless it’s to add just a little more whipped cream on top.

  2. long island November 28, 2012 at 11:37 am #

    I enjoyed your article. I recognized a bit of my own behavior regarding cooking. The turkey is now chosen a bit like buying a Christmas tree. As a family we drive out to a local turkey farm to pick up the bird. However we don’t pick out a living bird, our bird has already been “harvested”. In my defense the local turkey farm birds cost nowhere near $112! I suppose we cut out the hipster middle man in need of supplementing their tattoo fund by going directly to the Turkey source.

    Am I the only one who looked at the deconstructed pumpkin and thought it looked like a fancy S’mores?

  3. NDC November 28, 2012 at 7:57 pm #

    Late to the feast but no less appreciative. Manolo, this was a wonderful addition to the Missus & Gary Diaries, replete with the envies and strivings that have imbued this saga with humor and insight.

    If only we were flies (! a canard to the housecleaning) on the wall to witness this 21st Century reimagining of the holiday dinner and the participants’ faces and forks as they dig in.

    All the best,

    NDC