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Signs That Things Are Not Well in the World

Monday, March 21st, 2011

N.B. The Manolo’s friend, The Legatrix, who always makes the Manolo laugh, offers us nothing but portents of doom.

The Manolo has been gently scaring us straight with his series of blog posts, The Death of Civilization. In that spirit, I offer you a variation on a theme.

You see, I have a theory. Okay, I have several theories, but this is the one doesn’t involve Soviet vodka, rhesus monkeys, and Vaseline.

Certain fashion trends portend widespread cultural decline. I don’t care whether it comes riding in with the Visigoths or on a wave of Stagflation, nothing says “stock up on canned food and good books because the Kardashians are in charge” like bad fashion trends.

Case in point: the Bad Perm.

Julia Titi Flavia

Julia Titi Flavia

This is the kind of hair you have when your dad just sacked Jerusalem, shacked up with a Jewish Princess, and decided to fix you up with your uncle. Oh, and Rome has just been through four emperors in one year. (On the up side, none of them was Nero.)

And we all know that no good came of the Seventies except for Donna Summer. And fondue parties.

Barbara Streisand goes perm

Babs!!!!!

But lest you think the bad perm is a singularly female vice, consider Charles II of England. Sure, Chuck, you may primp that mane to make it more difficult for the executioner to find your neck, like he did your dad’s, but do you know what that coiffure really is? It’s a cry for help. London is burning, everybody is coming down with the Plague, and you’ve got more mistresses than you can possibly afford.

Charles II, By the Grace of God, King of England, Ireland, Scotland, and Jheri Curl

Odds fish what an ugly fellow I am.

At times like these, there’s only one thing to do: put on your tight pants and get a little Super Freaky.

I'm Rick James, Bitch.

Rick James has a Sexual Luv Affair for you.


Tawdry

Friday, January 14th, 2011
Sting and Trudie Kissing

The Sting and His Missus, Tongue Wrestling

Manolo says, part eleventy-hundred in the on-going series, the Death of Civilization

“When we see each other, it’s romance. I don’t think pedestrian sex is very interesting,” Sting says in the February issue of Harper’s Bazaar. “There’s a playfulness we have. I like the theater of sex. I like to look good. I like her to dress up. I like to dress her up.”

Don’t peg Sting as the romantic type, either: “We like tawdry,” he said.

Mission accomplished!

(more…)


The Crocs Mammoth

Friday, August 17th, 2007

crocs_mammoth.jpgcrocs_mammoth1.jpg

Manolo says, yes, these are exactly what the appear to be, the death of civilization as we know it.

Formerly, one could take comfort in the fact that the odious Crocs could not be worn in the depths of winter. Now, with the introduction of the fake-fur-lined Crocs, such bare solace is gone.

P.S. Many thanks to the Manolo’s internet friend Linda for alerting him to this abomination.


Foreboding..

Monday, May 15th, 2006

Manolo says, the Manolo he has of late been feeling unsettled, nervousy, on edge. There is the atmosphere of dark foreboding, as if something terrible were about to happen.

The portents they have not been good.

The pets of the neighbors of the Manolo they have been skittish; the dogs they have whined and snapped, and the cats they have hissed without provocation. And now the carrion birds are roosting in the trees near the house.

Each day it has dawned darker than the last.

Worst of all, yesterday, the Manolo thought he had heard the muffled sound of thundering hooves, as if the massive hoard of ravening Mongols were riding fast down upon our peaceful hamlet.

And now, with the news of this day, it all becomes hideously apparent:

Destruction! Death! The End of Civilization as We Know It!

Worse! The Eruovision, it has Returned!

Ayyyyyyyyyyy!

The last time, the devestation it was as complete as the ten plagues that were visited upon Egypt by the angry God.

The Plague, Day 1, The Plague, Day 2, The Plague, Day 3.

*sob*










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