Bloggerfeld!

Honestly, ja, who else deserves 12 obsequious pages in the New Yorker? Derek Jeter? Ha! It is to laugh.

Look how I am adored!

Over the next three hours, the model tried on a series of garments that Lagerfeld had spent the previous six weeks conceiving: embroidered tweed skirt suits, tulle dresses festooned with camellias, and skintight flannel-Lycra pants. Each garment provoked swooning cries from his retinue:

“Oooo, la, Karl!”

“Trés jolie!”

“Superbe!”

Lagerfeld accepted the praise with a shrug. “I do my job like I breathe,” he said, in his customary manner” rapid, declamatory speech made more emphatic by a heavy German accent. “So if I can’t breathe I’m in trouble!”

And I can always breathe, Meine Lieblings.

Here is a photograph which accompanied the article!

I am the supreme man of action, and this photo catches my essence well, no?

Did you miss me, my little biotches?

Yes, it has been a full year since I was last here, and Manolo’s place is still a dump.

Don’t worry, I will clean things up and bring the sparkling freshness of Karl! to your sad little lives.

Ja, Uggs. What else?

Perhaps you do not know this, but I am personally responsible for their popularity. Ja, it was I who introduced these marvelous boots to my trend-setter/jet-setter friends in Hollywood, like Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Brittney Spears, and my close friend Shannon Doherty.

I know you must be thinking…Mmmmmagnificent.

Ja, where is your little funny-saying t-shirt now, shoe boy?

Here is a properly respectful multi-media homage to my greatness, specifically to my magnanimity in deigning to attend New York’s provincial fashion week, which was, if I may say so, pearls before swinehundt, my friends, pearls before swinehundt.

One of my many important high-society friends recently asked me a question.

“Karl,” she said, “what is the deal with the iPods, you have 70 of them, how can you listen to them all?”

So, I answer her.

“Ja, it is true,” I said, ” I own seventy iPods. But what most people do not know, however, is that all of them are programmed with nothing but the collected works of Klaus Nomi. ”

You can never have too much Nomi. The man was a genius.

So I was telling Heinrich the other day that I had devised a foolproof plan to rid myself of that pestilential little man Manolo, and that this plan would involve first taking over his disreputable Shoe Blog.

Et voila!

Is it not amazing what a handful of Belorussian computer hackers can accomplish given enough incentive?

I am so happy!

I feel like a little schoolgirl!

Ja, Manolo escaped, but do not worry. It is only a matter of time…

This blog is now under new management!

Let us perhaps say that it was the result of a “hostile” takeover.