Bloggerfeld!

Honestly, ja, who else deserves 12 obsequious pages in the New Yorker? Derek Jeter? Ha! It is to laugh.

Look how I am adored!

Over the next three hours, the model tried on a series of garments that Lagerfeld had spent the previous six weeks conceiving: embroidered tweed skirt suits, tulle dresses festooned with camellias, and skintight flannel-Lycra pants. Each garment provoked swooning cries from his retinue:

“Oooo, la, Karl!”

“Trés jolie!”

“Superbe!”

Lagerfeld accepted the praise with a shrug. “I do my job like I breathe,” he said, in his customary manner” rapid, declamatory speech made more emphatic by a heavy German accent. “So if I can’t breathe I’m in trouble!”

And I can always breathe, Meine Lieblings.

Here is a photograph which accompanied the article!

I am the supreme man of action, and this photo catches my essence well, no?

Did you miss me, my little biotches?

Yes, it has been a full year since I was last here, and Manolo’s place is still a dump.

Don’t worry, I will clean things up and bring the sparkling freshness of Karl! to your sad little lives.