Look how I am adored!

Over the next three hours, the model tried on a series of garments that Lagerfeld had spent the previous six weeks conceiving: embroidered tweed skirt suits, tulle dresses festooned with camellias, and skintight flannel-Lycra pants. Each garment provoked swooning cries from his retinue:

“Oooo, la, Karl!”

“Trés jolie!”

“Superbe!”

Lagerfeld accepted the praise with a shrug. “I do my job like I breathe,” he said, in his customary manner” rapid, declamatory speech made more emphatic by a heavy German accent. “So if I can’t breathe I’m in trouble!”

Here is a photograph which accompanied the article!

I am the supreme man of action, and this photo catches my essence well, no?

Yes, it has been a full year since I was last here, and Manolo’s place is still a dump.

Don’t worry, I will clean things up and bring the sparkling freshness of Karl! to your sad little lives.

Ja, Uggs. What else?

Perhaps you do not know this, but I am personally responsible for their popularity. Ja, it was I who introduced these marvelous boots to my trend-setter/jet-setter friends in Hollywood, like Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Brittney Spears, and my close friend Shannon Doherty.

I know you must be thinking…Mmmmmagnificent.

Ja, where is your little funny-saying t-shirt now, shoe boy?

One of my many important high-society friends recently asked me a question.

“Karl,” she said, “what is the deal with the iPods, you have 70 of them, how can you listen to them all?”

So, I answer her.

“Ja, it is true,” I said, ” I own seventy iPods. But what most people do not know, however, is that all of them are programmed with nothing but the collected works of Klaus Nomi. ”

You can never have too much Nomi. The man was a genius.

Et voila!

Is it not amazing what a handful of Belorussian computer hackers can accomplish given enough incentive?

I am so happy!

I feel like a little schoolgirl!

Ja, Manolo escaped, but do not worry. It is only a matter of time…

Let us perhaps say that it was the result of a “hostile” takeover.

Manolo says, don’t break the hip, Grandpa.

Manolo says, please, hold the applause until after I am dead.