And here we see miss Aubrey O’Day at the premiere of her new Oxygen reality show All About Aubrey (a program I can only imagine is going to be both titillating and inspiring). 

Oh heavens, where to begin. First, I applaud her for the effort to draw attention away from her face ( made entirely out of fondant these days) with an “eye catching” outfit, something she tossed together at the very last minute by scrounging through a Frederick’s of Hollywood sales rack.

But those shoes…

Unless someone is planning on making a parody of the Spice Girl’s “Wannabe” music video, I feel that shoes this obscene and this pink should be banned for any feet that don’t plan on being wrapped around a pole for a few hours.

N.B. The Manolo has asked his friend Trisha Marie to help him from time to time.


American Apparel founder and CEO Dov Charney is apparently facing a $260 million dollar lawsuit this week alleging that he pressured a former teenage employee to engage in lewd sexual acts with him in order to keep her job at the fashion retailer. It’s gotta be the shocker of the year that the man who markets his business by taking back alley photographs of sex starved teenagers in spread eagle positions while wearing nothing but underwear in order to sell his products would turn out to be a creep. Is it just me, or should the mustache have been the first clue?

Sex scandal aside, they do have some great high waisted shorts.

N.B. The Manolo has asked his friend Trisha Marie to help him from time to time. This is the first of her contributions.

Manolo says, if by winning you mean losing…

Manscaping!

Manolo says, you know it was the boring Academy Awards when the best thing the Manolo can find to criticize is the facial hair of the uber-masculine, super-heterosexual, manly-man-who-broke-the-formerly-virginal-Taylor-Swift’s-heart-with-his-high-testosterone-levels Jake Gyllenhaal.

Ear Flaps? Oh Fortuna!

Manolo says, while few things would make the Manolo happier than to see the tyrant Qaddafi run out of Libya in ignominy, it is nonetheless somewhat disappointing to see him reduced to such dire sartorial straits.

It was only the few years ago that the Manolo was pointing out that Colonel Nutbar was the only despot who fully understood the value of costuming…

Colonel Hawtness, 1969

Naturally there is the exception that proves the rule, the one dictator who knows how to rock the clothing. The man who in his prime was the movie-star handsome tyrant with the mythic fashion sense.

The Manolo is speaking, of the course, about the Mu’amar al-Qaddafi, who has eschewed the cheap gangster look, preferring in the stead to wear the flowing natural-fibers and earth-toned robes favored by both the Bedouins of the Sahara and the Jedi Knights of Tatooine.

And when he was not sporting the Bedouin robes, the Qaddafi he wears the kinte-cloth dashikis! And he had the personal bodyguard comprised entirely of the super hotty she-devils!

This [...] is how the real tyrants do it, with flair and drama and color, and Amazons in the tight-fitting camouflage cat-suits!

Who's the cat who won't cop out when there's danger all about? QADDAFI!

Qaddafi, he’s not just the despot, he is the Arab Superfly, White Shaft in Africa!

Let us hope that the people of Libya will soon be free from this clothing-aware lunatic.

Manolo says, the Manolo has been in the ferociously interesting conversation with his internet friend Eliza Wharton about the matters of beauty, style, and what makes someone the modern icon.

Over the course of this conversation, the Manolo has stated the few of his beliefs, which he will now deliver as the set of provocative Don Colacho style aphorisms:

1. Beauty is not negotiable.

4. Great beauty can make you the icon, but beauty is neither necessary nor common among icons.

****
And now, for the explications:

Beauty is not negotiable

'Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale her infinite variety'... ORLY?

The rules of feminine beauty cannot be changed, no matter how much we may wish that they could be. They are as immutable and as fixed as the stars in the heavens: youth, fecundity, symmetry, and the pleasing hip-to-waist ratio.

We may try to convince ourselves that there are other standards of beauty, but such attempts are pretty lies we tell ourselves to make us feel better about our relative lack of beauty.

As cruel as they seem, such statements say nothing about our worth as individuals, or our goodness, or our merit to our family or the world.

Physical beauty is the gift given without reference to merit.

Although, it is the strange gift that inevitably dissipates with age. And one may still be compelling even into oldest age, but one should not be confused: compelling and beautiful are not the same thing. Beauty is compelling, but often the compelling is not also beautiful.
.

Gloria Swanson, First Beautiful, then Compelling

If you are not blessed with beauty, change the game.

Voted Least Likely to Date James Brolin

As youthful beauty fades, or was perhaps never fully present, this is where the art and magic of contriving the desirable is found.

(more…)

'Ladies and gentlemen, excuse the interruption, but is there an alien obstetrician in the house?'

Manolo says, Worst. Easter. Ever.

Come give your Aunt Rose a kiss, hon.

Manolo says, it is 1975, and your Aunt Rose, the 52-year-old divorcee with the raspy voice, is heading out the door for her usual Friday night at the Tick-Tock Lounge: White Russians, Salem Lights, and hurried copulation in the parking lot at closing time.

P.S. The tip of the hat to the always fabulous Tom and Lorenzo.

Manolo says, it is the outfits!

Taylor Momsen, Working Girl

Manolo asks, remember when the young starlets wished to look like the high-class courtesans?

Nothing escapes! The Lord Humungus rules the wastes!

Manolo says, the Manolo predicts that it closes within the week.

Manolo says, please to enjoy…

Gwyneth Paltrow has admitted she almost considered pulling the plug on her lifestyle newsletter after receiving a wave of criticism.

Just like regular folk.

‘People are so mean to me. I don’t want to do it.

The actress launched Goop back in September 2008, where she dishes out advice to her readers and encourages them to ‘nourish the inner aspect’.

Paltrow’s endeavours, however, have been labelled pretentious and out of touch by some commentators.

In an interview with the March issue of Harper’s Bazaar UK, she admitted: ‘There were a couple of times when I thought ‘I’m just gonna stop doing it.

‘But then I was like, “Who cares what some lame person out there says?” I was in Italy once, and this old man came up to me and said, “I had the best time in Nashville because of Goop.” And that is so worth it to me.’

“People claim I’m out of touch with everyday life, but I was getting a hot rock massage at this spa in Saint-Tropez when this old Baron von Something-or-Other came up to me and said, ‘Darling, I had the most marvelous patty melt at the Athens Diner in Poughkeepsie because of your GOOP.’ And you know what, that makes it all worthwhile, all the horrific suffering I must endure at the hands of the ignorant masses.”

In the interview, mother of two Gwyneth, who is married to Coldplay star Chris Martin, also talks about her friendship with singer Beyoncé.

She said the superstar gave her advice for her singing role in her latest movie Country Strong and added: ”Beyoncé is the most talented human being on the planet.

Yes, no one better to give you advice about how to play the down-on-her-luck, recovering-alcoholic country star than the Beyoncé! Indeed, are we not all anxiously awaiting Beyoncé’s next country album, All the Single Cowgirls?