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Nostalgia for the 1990s? Already?

Manolo says, according to the blog posting at the website of the Intro, the hot menswear trends of the summer of 2013 are the varsity letterman’s jackets, nautical-inspired clothing, and the 1990s nostalgia.

Get ready for a blast from the past! 90s fashion is back, as seen on the catwalks at Topman Design and Shaun Sampson summer 2013 is seeing a big 90s revival. Key trends like double denim, neon brights, acid wash, all over prints, grunge style beanie hats and loose fitting fabrics are all must haves for this season. Now I’ll admit that the 90s look may seem difficult to pull off but when styled correctly you can make sure you don’t end up looking like the fresh prince.

Please to make this go back to the future.

Ayyyy! The 1990 have returned! Only without the roaring economy that made the execrable styles (such as the drop crotch jeans) seem tolerable.

Nostalgia for the 1990s? Why are we condemned to relive the era of grunge?

Why can we not have the nostalgia for the 1890s? That was the real decade of style. Cut-away coats and top hats, high button shoes with spats.

Things that Manolo the Manolo Laugh: Bright Nude Illusion Gown from Paula Raia

Paula Raia Bright Nude Illusion Gown

Nutley High School, Class of 2012: Voted Most Likely to Be Mob Goomah

Manolo says, to be more specific, the $5,000, orange-colored, hoochie-mama prom dress of your nightmares. Presumably, the “illusion” in the name of the dress is the reference to the belief on the part of the wearer that she is the person of stylishness.

Einstein in Mandals!

Einstein in mandals? You would never see Isaac Newton in mandals

Manolo says, so much for the formerly “Smartest Man in the World.”

P.S. The tip of the hat to the Manolo’s internet friend, the Lisa, for finding this.

Zoolander was the Documentary

Even Ryan Reynolds would look like a dork wearing this get up.

Manolo says, the life of the male model, it is nothing but glamour and blue steel

But, sometimes, all of the adulation, all of the women throwing themselves at you, it gets you down…

At this moment, he's considering changing careers to insurance adjusting

And you think to yourself, “maybe I should have listened to my Uncle Morty, and become the actuary.”

There are Few Words More Depressing Than “Utilikilt”.

Manolo says, this…

Kilted Connery

The reason the kilt was invented

Does not equal, this…

Yes, yes, the Manolo gets the idea. You are the unconventional, free-spirited, manly-dude, who wishes to show the world that you march to the beat of your own Iron John drum circle, even as you not-so-surreptitiously air your junk out in public.

However, the Manolo would like to point out that your self-conception is dramatically at odds with how the rest of the world sees you. As the Manolo’s internet friend, the Lori, put it, “What is it about utilikits that take all of the sexiness, majesty, and coolness out of the regular kilt?”

Exactly. In the other words…

Real Scottish kilt, worn properly = The Sexy.
Utilikilt, worn by you = The Dorky.

The Manolo does not care how handsome you are, trust the Manolo, you look like the dork in the utilikilt.

Even Fabio, who looks good in the loincloth, would look like the dork in the utilitikilt.

No, just no.

Please, sir, put your pants back on.

So, for the sake of the rest of us, confine your unconventionality to strangely shaped mustachios, carefully sculpted beards, thinning ponytails, and bowler hats with steampunk goggles on the brim. Do not show us your bony knees, and do not potentially expose us, should you slip and fall, to the sight of your hairy bottom.

For the rest of us, please, do not wear the utilitikilt.

Kristen Stewart, Anti-Glamour

Nice Hair

Manolo says, behold, the highest paid actress in Hollywood!

$34.5 million dollars for looking drippy in Balmain and Ed Grimley’s hairdo; $34.5 million for affectless performances that could be better done by the department store mannequin with the midget inside.

At least the mannequin-midget would look good in the clothes.

Speaking of which, the Manolo does not wish to be harsh, but girlfriend does not know how to wear the clothes, indeed, she seems uncomfortable in anything that does not have the drawstring. Slouching, scowling, muttering her way down the red carpet, at one movie premiere after the next; woe be to the designer who thinks he has found the perfect celebrity showcase, for Kristen Stewart’s anti-glamour makes everything look bad.

But, on the plus side, unlike the last highest paid actress, she will not be stealing Brad Pitt away from his woman.

And now the few examples, to prove the Manolo’s point…

(more…)

Jodie Marsh Scares the Normal People

Jodie Marsh, All Natural Beauty

Manolo says, speaking of the sort of peoples whose stage name might easily be Mercedes Luv, the Manolo presents to you the English media personality Jodie Marsh. (Imagine Tila Tequila without the talent.)

And now, just by looking at the above picture, the Manolo encourages you to imagine what sort of shoes this person might wear to accentuate this outfit…

The answer is below the fold… (more…)

Inspiration

Scrubbing Bubbles

The Inspiration

Manolo says, The Muses sometimes speak to us in strange ways.

Young Billionaires, Then and Now

Then: The Young Howard Hughes…

Young Howard Hughes, so dashing!

Ayyyy! So dashing!

Now: The Young Mark Zuckerberg…

Who says that glamour is dead?

Manolo says, it is the shower shoes that really bring the ensemble together.

Snooki’s Fashion Accessory: Attention

Following her incident with an Italian police car yesterday, nugget sized Snooki of deplorable MTV Jersey Shore “fame” was photographed today wearing a neck brace to accompany her hideous ensemble and unfortunately she couldn’t find one big enough to cover her entire face and body.

Snookie neck brace

Snooki and her co-star Deena got into a minor traffic accident on the streets of Florence, which shockingly according to police reports involved no alcohol. Snookie was apparently driving a vehicle (sitting on what I can only assume was a child’s booster seat, seeing as I find it hard to believe she could see above the steering wheel) and rear ended a police car in front of them that was escorting the talented and fame worthy celebrities to their filming destination. While there was no arrests made and the two suffered no injuries, Snookie decided to play it up today with the addition of a neck brace. BUT only for the cameras. Snookie reportedly removed the neck brace between takes, because I can only assume when you fake an injury it’s annoying to wear  supportive medical supplies.

Snookie removes neck brace

But let’s face it, the real crime here (other than the fact Snooki is in the public eye at all) are her fuzzy Ugg boots. They make her look like some sort of pudgy show poodle that desperately needs to be put down. The fact that those things are allowed to be sold and worn in public is a true tragedy. Not to mention the function of providing warmth is completely null and void seeing as it is currently warm in Italy! Wearing them isn’t even practical, thus, there is no excuse. If she is going to get away with a fender bender and causing minor injuries to two police officers, she at least needs to be arrested or fined for committing rape against my eyes.

People of WalMart, the Music Video

Manolo says, appalling societal decay set to the catchy tune!

Dixie Ick

The Dixie Chicks haven’t been in the public eye in quite some time…and apparently for good reason. The Chick’s lead singer Natalie Maines popped up at the premiere of the newest Pirates of The Caribbean movie (Really? Another one?) looking frumpy and unimpressive. Cowboy take her away indeed. Far, far away.

Natalie Maines Pirates Premiere

Oh the mundanity! Maybe the trench could have worked in a different context, other than the saggy pocket which I can only assume is filled with car keys, saltine packets, snot covered tissues and a juice box (or perhaps golden treasure?). This look screams “suburban mom after a spending spree at Kohls”. White capri pants, Natalie? Unless they are some homage to the pantaloons worn by pirates of yore, they are simply unacceptable. Overall, she looks stumpy, dowdy, and fit for an Outlet Mall. Which coincidentally was probably the last location I heard a Dixie Chicks song.

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