5. The Man with One Red Shoe (1985): The ultimate movie about a friendly prank going terribly wrong, this adorable comedy follows Tom Hanks as he accidentally get’s followed by the CIA because he is wearing mismatched shoes (one of the shoes being red). Why was he wearing mismatched shoes? Because his so called buddy hid all of his shoes except for one mismatched pair. And why did the CIA begin to follow him? A terrible coincidence orchestrated by a crooked and desperate agent. Thus, comedy ensues! Plus this is “Big” and “Splash” Tom Hanks, when he is all fresh faced and adorable, not the puffy and serious Tom Hanks we know now. Enjoy him and his youth-like hilarity.

4. Marie Antoinette (2006): Ok, this movie is not about shoes. However, Sophia Coppola’s imaginative take on the historical character did involve a mouth watering montage of whimsical Manolo Blahnik shoes (which were said to be visually inspired by a package of macaroons). The sequence, set to the song “I Want Candy” displays the sheer overindulgence of royalty in this time period with women playing games, eating delectable desserts, trying on gowns, wigs, jewels and of course…shoes. It will make you cringe with jealousy and drool in awe. Either way, I dare you to walk away from the scene without being green eyed and satisfied.

3. The Red Shoes (1948): This one works on many levels. A tumultuous tale of love triangles, bright red ballet shoes, and the inner struggle between the true love of a companion and the true passion of stardom, this film is exciting, romantic and filled with dancing. Not to mention, in the film the young ballerina is cast in a ballet production called “The Red Shoes” which is based on the Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale of the same title. The fairytale is about a young girl who becomes so obsessed with her red shoes that they take hold of her and force her body to dance day and night without her control. Here’s the kicker (pun intended), the shoes are stuck to her feet so she can’t take them off to stop the dancing. Sounds like a great workout plan, if you ask me. (Note: there is also a great Japanese horror film by the same name about a cursed pair of red heels that when seen cause instant obsession and an overwhelming need to steal/obtain them. The problem is, side effects of obtaining and wearing the shoes include: death).

2.The Wizard of OZ (1939): All you have to do is put on a pair of Ruby red slippers and you can be transported into a world of Technicolor and flying monkeys? Count me in! This film is the ultimate in childhood fantasy. What young girl hasn’t been Dorothy for Halloween? (I was…twice). Not the mention the beauty, elegance and desirability of shimmering Ruby red slippers that enable one to travel to different dimensions! You won’t find those on sale at Nordstroms. This movie is timeless, and while it has been re-done in many shapes and fashions, in my mind nothing beats the original.

1. Cinderella (1950): Romantic and magical, I think the ultimate shoe movie has to be the Disney classic Cinderella. Again, this film has been done time and time again in different styles and mediums, but all in all the story remains the same. It’s all about that beautiful glass slipper. While there is no way a glass shoe could be comfortable, and god knows if I was ballroom dancing in one I would shatter the poor thing all over the floor, this glass slipper is not only Cinderella’s ticket to her one true love, but it is also her ticket out of slavery and poverty! Now that my friends is a shoe worth keeping. Especially if you get a fairy god mother included in the original price of the shoe, because New York car services and cabs are expensive and I would love my own personal stage coach to cart me from a to b.

P.S. Probably the only type of shoes there might not be a movie about it is Timberland work boots. Although, if you look closely, I’m sure you’ll see them in plenty of recent movies.

The Scream 4 premiere was held in Hollywood this week, and while many stars attended the event including classic Scream veteran survivors Neve Campbell and Courtney Cox, it was the younger Hollywood starlets that stole the spotlight on the blood red carpet. Hayden Panettiere in particular looked stunning in her crimson red cocktail dress. I think she exudes class and simple elegance with her subtle diamond earrings and classic black pumps. Fresh faced and appropriately covered (except of course exposing the occasional artery for optimal stabbing precision) she is a great reminder that not all of young Hollywood is a lost cause.

Good luck outrunning the killer in those high heels Hayden! I have to admit, she looks so great here that I almost don’t want to see her get sliced and diced by the good old Ghost faced killer. Perhaps he (or she? or they?) will be a slave to fashion and spare her for her wise choices? We’ll have to wait and see…

Manolo says, firstly, how is it possible that the Manolo has never heard of this movie before?

Secondly, this must be counted among the greatest of the Alan-Rickman-based cinematic moments ever.

Thirdly, that voice, it is like the melted butter poured into the brandy snifter filled with warm lobster flesh, while Chuck Mangione plays the Mozart softly in the background.

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Just before the Christmas, the Manolo had the pleasure of accompanying some young friends to the new Disney Rapunzel movie, Tangled. He is happy to report that he found both the outing and the movie to be delightful.

Two things about this movie were exceptionally gratifying to the Manolo. The first is that the screenplay was unburdened by the endlessly annoying and out-of-the-place pop cultural references and adult-oriented jokes so common in most children’s movies today. In the other words, there was none of the tiresome Shrek Dreck, those catty references to assorted pop divas and their many problems.

The second gratifying thing, was that the actors in Tangled were chosen for the expressive quality of their voices, not for their fame and/or stunning good looks. Yes, the Mandy Moore and the Zachary Levi, the leads, are moderately well known, but they are not the big, big stars, and this is the good thing.

The recent trend in the animated movies has been to use the muy famosos to provide the voices for the cartoon characters, thus reducing the sort of work that has customarily gone to the character actors.

This is bad. Not only because the Manolo counts among his Hollywood friends many, many character actors, but also because such actors are usually superior in talent to their more beautiful, and more famous co-workers.

Consider, now, two movies:

The first, Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas, staring the vocal talents of Brad Pitt, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Michelle Pfeiffer, and Joseph Fiennes.

To quote the tag line of the movie: “Who’s bad? Sinbad.”

You will note that neither Brad Pitt nor Catherine Zeta-Jones has the particularly expressive voice, but that they both look very good with the headphones on in the recording studio, something the people who cut this trailer made the point of showing you.

And, now, the trailer for Tangled:

Much better yes?

Perhaps the success of the Tangled will encourage other cartoon movie makers to return to the tradition of using truly talented voice actors instead of the big stars, although, the Manolo will not hold his breath for such the thing to come to pass.

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The Manolo, who last evening engaged in the spirited round of Twittering with his internet friends about the topic of My Fair Lady, has gone back and reviewed the evidence. In doing so, he has reached the twin conclusions:

Conclusion the First: Eliza Doolittle is the prostitute.

This is the unspoken subtext of both the Broadway play and the movie, one, which acknowledged, even in passing, gives more depth and richness to the story.

What is the Manolo’s evidence for this seemingly heterodox idea? The vending of fruits or flowers in Covent Gardens was long considered the pretextual occupation of the prostitutes. The most famous of such ladies of ill repute was Nell Gwyn, the mistress of Charles II, who began her career as the Covent Garden seller of oranges.

There is other evidence, not the least of which is that the father of Eliza, Alfie Doolittle, attempts to sell his daughter to Professor Higgins for the few pounds, with the little bit of luck…

And there is much more, if only one looks.

The acknowledgment of Eliza Doolittle’s scarlet past deepens and explains her reluctance to return the love of Freddy. It is not her low birth which makes for the problematic match, for indeed, low birth can be ignored if love is true.

It is that Eliza herself knows that she cannot be with Freddy, ever, for that even if she were to love him in return, her previous occupation renders her untouchable. (Only the kings, such as Charles II, have the power to render this stain socially nugatory.) If Eliza loves Freddy, she must protect him from her past by rejecting him. There is no other way.

Conclusion the Second: Audrey Hepburn is most horribly miscast as the Eliza Doolittle.

Yes, she is the lovely-lovely girl, sylph-like and elegant, but she is not the credible street girl. When the Professor Higgins removes the costumery and the faux dirt, she is already unapproachably beautiful, incapable of being improved upon. Thus, Professor Higgin’s triumph of transformation is revealed as negligible, reduced to the mere diction lessons and dress fittings.

Worse, Audrey Hepburn is the uninteresting actress. Indeed, she is the xenon of actresses; the inert noble gas, unable to react with any other substance.

Witness the beginning of this scene…

Do any of the Manolo’s friends accept that Audrey Hepburn could ever, for the single second, be the “impudent hussy”?

And because she cannot convincingly play the impudent hussy, because she can only and always be Audrey Hepburn, the movie is poorer for it.

Who then should have been Eliza Doolittle?

Julie Andrews is the immediate reply, but even this, to the mind of the Manolo, is not completely satisfactory.

The role deserves someone more lively and exuberant, some who can be both the impudent hussy and the convincingly transformed high-society Eliza.

Debbie Reynolds? Mary Martin? The young Liza Minelli? The Manolo admits to being confounded.

Manolo says, just the thing to gloomy up the bright and sunny spring day.

P.S. The Manolo’s review of the first Sex and the City Movie.

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The Manolo finally managed to see the Sex and the City movie.

His reaction: In the word, meh.

Although supposedly set in the present day, the movie seemed dated, as if it were the daguerreotype from the previous millennium, quaintly hinting at the outdated customs and obsolete mores of the distant past.

On the one of the hands, Carrie and her pals were sweeter and more vulnerable, more desperately romantic, than we have ever before seen them (although less funny). They were also more likable than ever, except for Cynthia Nixon, who should be dropped down the long mine shaft and left there until she realizes how truly blessed her cinematic life (with its great job, wonderful child, and good-looking if drippy man) is.

The girls were also, despite the smutty talk and Kim Cantrell’s absurdly sexualized character, entirely monogamous in their relationships, which was something of the relief to the old man Manolo, who believes that intense monogamous love between two peoples is perhaps the greatest of the Almighty’s gifts.

Yet, while there were good things, on the other of the hands, the movie dragged on interminably, piling up senseless subplots and meaningless details. Yawn.

Worse, the movie’s attempts at bringing the romantic longings of the characters (and the audience) to fruition were misguided and inadequate. Shaped as the semi-conventional romantic comedy, Sex and the City contained little that could be considered romantic.

Take for the example, Mr. Big, held up by the movie as the choicest piece of man meat to ever tread the earth, with his dyed hair, droopy jowls, shaped eyebrows, and his indecisive, dreary, somnambulantly sulky ways. At least he was rich, moderately available, tall, and rich (did the Manolo mention that he was rich? It was very important in this movie, the richiosity of Mr. Big, because it means he was able to buy Park Avenue apartments and fill their commodious closets with swag.)

Query: What is less romantic than the vacillating, indecisive, weakly lover?

Answer: The movie that confuses wealth for romantic desirability.

Oh, how the Manolo wishes he could have swapped Chris Noth for Tom Selleck!

Tom Selleck: charming, virile, decisive, funny, cheerful, and at 63, still the hunkiest man in Hollywood!

Chris Noth in Sex and the City: drippy!

But, you must play the hand you were dealt, and Mr. Big is apparently the only man who would have Carrie Bradshaw, looking, as she does, ever more like Miss Havisham…

Ayyyyy!

I saw that the bride within the bridal dress had withered like the dress, and like the flowers, and had no brightness left but the brightness of her sunken eyes. I saw that the dress had been put upon the rounded figure of a young woman, and that the figure upon which it now hung loose, had shrunk to skin and bone. Once, I had been taken to see some ghastly waxwork at the Fair, representing I know not what impossible personage lying in state. Once, I had been taken to one of our old marsh churches to see a skeleton in the ashes of a rich dress, that had been dug out of a vault under the church pavement. Now waxwork and skeleton seemed to have dark eyes that moved and looked at me. I should have cried out, if I could.

~Charles Dickens, Great Expectations.

And frankly this is another of the problems of the movie. attempting to sell us lean mutton as plump lamb.

This is not to say that romantic comedies that feature middle aged persons cannot be good, and satisfying, and funny, only that Carrie wanted to play the part of the virginal ingenue, rather than the mature woman with the frightening romantic history. The potential for humor and romanticism was undermined by this insistence.

But, the Manolo is confident that the actor of Tom Selleck’s caliber could have convinced even the most skeptical, disbelieving audience that Sarah Jessica Parker is the hotty, could have convinced us that she is the suitable lead for the romantic comedy.

Ultimately, for the Manolo, the only romantic scene in the entire movie was the wedding at the courthouse, with Carrie in the demure suit, and Mr. Big finally wakened from his movie-long slumber. But, if Sex and the City were truly romantic, that would have happened in the first act of the fifteen minute long, single reel film, which would be followed by the feature length Tom and Jerry cartoon.

And so the Manolo has heard the cries and will now give you his five favorite DVDs for gift giving purposes.

The Funniest Television Show Ever

Finding the Flight of the Conchords is like finding the perfect little absurdist world, where everything, every detail, every musical note, every facial expression is not only hilarious, but hilariously true. You know that this is how the world is for some peoples, principally, naive Kiwi sort-of-hipsters trying to make the go of it in New York. Yes, the interactions between the characters is funny, but it is the dead-perfect song parodies that make this something you will watch repeatedly.

The Best Movie of 2007

Ratatouille is not merely wonderfully funny, it also has profound things to say about art, artists, and critics, but does so lightly, in the best way possible. The writing is perfect, the comic timing is deft, and the animation amuses. The Manolo cannot recommend this movie highly enough.

The Most Uncompromisingly Funny Television Show Ever

Undoubtedly, Absolutely Fabulous is the most uncomfortably, hilariously funny television show ever made about the topics of aging, boozing, unpleasant sex, bad plastic surgery, and the uncompromising demands of fashion. Also, undoubtedly, this series could not be made today, as the neopuritan impulses of the new millennium have decreed that such things are no longer supposed to be funny. But they are. Get it before it is outlawed.

Also The Funniest Television Show Ever

The first three or the four episodes of the Father Ted they were probably the funniest thing the Manolo has ever seen. Three reprobate priests exiled onto the desolate Irish island. It does not sound promising, but it is, in fact, absolutely brilliant, anarchic and brilliant, and guaranteed to make you laugh until you cannot breathe.

Manolo’s Favorite Fashion Movie

There is no competition for the title of the “Manolo’s Favorite Fashion Movie”. Nothing can touch the Zoolander, one of the few recent movies with the Ben Stiller in which the Manolo does not find Ben Stiller actively annoying. It is funny from the start (with the cameo in which the Evil One unveils his true malevolence), and funny until the end. Funny, and yet at its core so true.

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The Manolo must admit that he came away from the American Gangster movie dissatisfied and more the little disappointed.

The first and most prominent problem is that not for the single instant did the Manolo buy that Russell Crowe (of whom the Manolo is the giant, huge fan) was the tough Jewish street cop from New Jersey. Firstly, his accent was terrible, nearly as bad as the “southern” accents of Nicole Kidman and Jude Law in Cold Mountain. And secondly he just did not look right, or act right, in the part. In short, he was miscast.

The second problem is that much of the middle part of the movie is boring. It drags as we endure both the tedious Russell Crowe, family-courtroom-drama sub-plot, and yet one more small scene of Denzel Washington acting resolutely criminal and earnest at the same time. Boring!

For the Manolo, the only time the movie really comes alive is when Josh Brolin appears as the corruptest of corrupt cops. He crackles with sparkling menace and is the only unpredictable thing in this terribly predictable movie.

Yes, there were good things, such as the sets and the costumes and the music and some of the secondary characters, but otherwise, this is not the movie you will long remember, which is odd, as the source material, the article “The Return of Superfly, in the New York Magazine, is wonderfully memorable.