The Empress Ming the Merciless prepares to give birth to the new age of despotism!

Indeed, the Manolo is only half joking, for as the more he watched the Madonna-tacular show of the halftime, the more he was struck by the unshakeable impression that this was the sort of Nuremberg Rally for the new age of crass narcissism aborning.

Beginning with its imperial fanfare and militaristic pomp, progressing through the forced adoration of the Glorious Leader (L-U-V Madonna! L-U-V Madonna!), and culminating in her apotheosis as the goddess and chief priestess of her own cult of personality, Madonna was urging on us nothing less than her hegemonistic vision of the Madonna-based future.

“My name is Madonna, queen of queens:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!”

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Johnny Depp was a presenter over the weekend at the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards and during his time on stage he proceeded to blow massive loads of green slime all over adoring children fans. Nothing wrong with that. Nope, not one bit. After all, it’s the innocence and naivety of children’s television shows and stars that make a rather suggestive act perfectly acceptable.

Right?

For example, take a look at teen star Taylor Momsen posing on the red carpet at the Kids Choice Awards:

The 17 year old starlet, also a presenter at the awards show, showed up looking appropriately bright eyed and innocent for the underage event. With her thick heavy black eyeliner, trashy extensions, and passive air of nonchalance, she is a prefect role model for today’s youth. The leather jacket and flimsy white tank work well with her black skinny jeans to construct a classic vampire-stripper-off-duty look. And the peeping fishnets that lead into those patent platforms are fit for a Suicide Girl.  Why, she’s a glowing gem that any pre-teen hunk would love to bring home to mom.

In all seriousness, I’m just pleased that she put on a pair of pants for once.

The typical Momsen ensemble almost always includes a garter belt, some sort of corset top and platform heels. The fact that this look is considered “classing it up” for her is simply disturbing. People are commending her for this “improvement” whereas I just think she needs to be grounded until she gets an attitude adjustment. She is 17! And her fans are probably younger!

It’s teen stars like this that make Rebecca Black seem like a very viable option for the spotlight.

Manolo says, the Manolo reminds you that he is still on the crusade to convince the producers of Glee to cast the astoundingly amusing Lin Yu Chun as the Foreign Exchange Student.

To that end, the Manolo has started the Facebook group dedicated to that proposition. Please be so kind as to consider joining if you are at all concerned about increasing level of entertainment present on network television.

And now, for your viewing pleasure… Lin Yu Chun busts the move…

P.S. The Manolo has restated this case on the Celebrity Beehive.

Manolo says, Miss Plumcake taking ABC television to task for refusing to run the sexy, plus-sized Lane Bryant advertisement.

Manolo says, the Manolo has started the Facebook group dedicated to the proposition that the producers of Glee should cast Taiwanese singing sensation Lin Yu Chun as the Foreign Exchange Student.

Please be so kind as to consider joining this group, and suggesting to your friends that they should also join.

Together we can change the course of the musical television history!

Manolo says, what can the Manolo possibly say that would do full justice to the utter awesomeness of this?

All the Manolo can do now is renew his call to the producers of Glee to cast Lin Yu Chun as the recurring Foreign Exchange Student character.

Here is more evidence to support the Manolo’s belief…

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Dear ABC Television Network Casting Peoples,

The Manolo believes he has found the perfect person to play the role of Wacky Foreign Exchange Student on Glee.

P.S. Previously…Wayne Newton!

Manolo says, ayyyyyy! The destruction of the Spanish cultural patrimony is now complete.

Manolo says, in December the Manolo posted the infamous That Guy or the Diamonds commercial, which elicited over one hundred comments from the Manolo’s internet friends.

And now, here are two more, of the that guy commercials.

So, dear readers of the Manolo, these guys or the diamonds?

For the Manolo, the dog grooming and the pedicure giving fall under the category of “best handled by professionals”, so the diamonds win. But there is also nothing as romantic, as personal, or as welcome as receiving the handwritten letter of love from one who adores you, certainly not diamonds and pedicures and clean dogs.

Manolo says, 1981, it was the simpler time, when hot chicks wore “mom jeans” and monkeys danced in exultation because of it.

P.S. Many thanks to Mr. Isidore Gallant for finding the old jeans commercials.

Manolo says, the Manolo’s shoe-obsessed friend Wayne poses the qustion.

Since you happen to have a well-read blog by American women, I have a question I’d like to put to your readers:

If you’ve looked at TV the past few weeks, there’s a commercial running for a jewelry store (yes, it’s THAT time of the season) where a man is painting his wife’s/girlfriend’s/fiancee’s toenails, and asks (I can’t quote the ad verbatim), “How do they look?”…His woman replies, “They look fine”, to which he answers, “I think they need another coat.” A voiceover says, “Because you’re not THAT GUY, there’s Helzberg Diamonds.”

QUESTION: Would a woman rather have THAT GUY, or the diamonds?

And here, through the magic of YouTube is the commercial in question…

So, dear readers, satisfy the Wayne’s (and the Manolo’s) curiosity: That guy or the diamonds?

Manolo says, many of the Manolo’s internet friends have been saying to the Manolo, “Manolo, you are the man of great taste, culture, and wit, please to recommend for us the suitable gifts for the holiday season.”

And so the Manolo has heard the cries and will now give you his five favorite DVDs for gift giving purposes.

The Funniest Television Show Ever

Finding the Flight of the Conchords is like finding the perfect little absurdist world, where everything, every detail, every musical note, every facial expression is not only hilarious, but hilariously true. You know that this is how the world is for some peoples, principally, naive Kiwi sort-of-hipsters trying to make the go of it in New York. Yes, the interactions between the characters is funny, but it is the dead-perfect song parodies that make this something you will watch repeatedly.

The Best Movie of 2007

Ratatouille is not merely wonderfully funny, it also has profound things to say about art, artists, and critics, but does so lightly, in the best way possible. The writing is perfect, the comic timing is deft, and the animation amuses. The Manolo cannot recommend this movie highly enough.

The Most Uncompromisingly Funny Television Show Ever

Undoubtedly, Absolutely Fabulous is the most uncomfortably, hilariously funny television show ever made about the topics of aging, boozing, unpleasant sex, bad plastic surgery, and the uncompromising demands of fashion. Also, undoubtedly, this series could not be made today, as the neopuritan impulses of the new millennium have decreed that such things are no longer supposed to be funny. But they are. Get it before it is outlawed.

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