Manolo’s Shoe Blog

Manolo says, ayyyyy, the Green Eyed Monster raises it’s red head, bringing the expensive Louis Vuitton luggage with it!

This complaint by the Laura against the Jeffrey was perhaps the most unseemly example of the rampant jealousy the Manolo has ever seen. To complain to Tim and the producers, like the crybaby, because your opponent’s garments are too good seems to the Manolo to be the acme of insecurity.

“Waaaaaah! Jeffrey’s clothes are better than mine, please disqualify him!”

Yes, the Manolo does not doubt that the Jeffrey’s final garments were finished to the higher degree of perfection than he had demonstrated during the regular competition. How could it be otherwise? The weekly challenges of the Project Runway are to be completed in the mere hours, while Jeffrey had two months to prepare his final garments.

This episode, it has greatly lowered the Manolo’s opinion of the Laura, and much worse, it has also diminished the Manolo’s enthusiasm for the Michael who went along with this unseemly accusing.

Also bothering the Manolo, was that this was the second time this season when the Tim publicly confronted the contestant with the accusation. Declassé… the Manolo would have hoped that such disciplinary actions would be taken in private, with only the Tim, the accused, and the cameras in attendence. Certainly this is how Tim would handle this as the academic dean at Parsons? But apparently such common sense things are not possible in the world of the reality television.

Aside from this needless controversy, what is there to say about this first part of the finale, other than that the Bravo TV is begining to seriously alienate the warm affections of the Manolo, if for no other reason than that they have been dribbling out these final episodes. The Fashion Week was more than the month ago, and the ardor the Manolo has felt for the Project Runway has begun to dim.

What is that the Manolo hears in the distance…the faint sounds of the shark preparing to be jumped?

Although, it is certainly not too late to restore this beloved show to its former glory. The Manolo demands that the producers ditch the senseless drama and petty gamesmanship and focus again on the manifest joys of making the fashion.

Manolo says, zzzzzzzzzz. Eh? Oh.

Many apologies. The Manolo had dozed off for the moment, so lulled was he by the tedium of this penultimate episode of the Project Runway 3.

Here is what the Manolo remembers of the show before soft-eyed Hypnos arrived to carry off the Manolo:

1. Tim Gunn, the academic dean at the institution of higher eduation, has the large vocabulary! Three dollar words! Like the “caucus” or the “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”!

Of the course, such facility with language is to be ridiculed by the television viewers, especially by those who can only repeatedly describe bad things as “serious ugly”, or who cluck and cackle in their own private bird languages.

2. The extremely handsomey, Jude-Lawish Keith is as unrepentant and as ego-maniacal as ever, and thus it is indeed the shame that he was kicked off of the show, as undoubtedly he would have given us many hours of guilty pleasure hating him. Him so bad.

3. Vincent is as crazy as the barrel of the rabid fruit bats, and only half as nice to the little peoples.

4. After reviewing the passive-aggressive behavior of the Angela’s mother, the Manolo has more sympathy for the Jeffery, who is still the twit but not as evil as first supposed.

5. Finally, and most revealingly, all it takes is the five-second clip of the Jay McCarroll to realize that he is still the best, smartest, and funniest contestant ever on the Project Runway.

The Jay recognized exactly what the Manolo said about the Michael many weeks ago, that being the outsider from the hinterlands is the advantage in this contest. It is socially difficult to be the fashion designer in the places outside of the New York or the Los Angeles, and such social difficulty encourages the development of the strong individual and sometimes eccentric vision. While, the New York and the Los Angeles can potentially homogenize those who are there for too long.

The Manolo adores the Jay and hopes that he will soon achieve that which he is capable of achieving.

And now, it is on to the final episode!

Manolo says, and it was the disappointingly anti-climactic week of disappointing anti-climaxes.

First, the Manolo must admit, that the previous week without the televised episode had diminished the Manolo’s enthusiasm, especially when he had already seen the final collections on the runway, collections which did not overly impress the Manolo.

And so because his ardor for the designers had perhaps cooled, the Manolo found that he was this week less interested in their risible antics, and much less interested in their “artistic” visions, having already seen the disappointing final product of those visions.

But the Manolo must carry on manfully as his many internet friends are awaiting his ridiculous pensées.

As for the anticlamatic anticlimax, the Manolo was disappointed that no one was sent away, just as he was disappointed during the previous episode when the Vincent and the Angela were brought back.

These instances seem to the Manolo to be the unnecessary bending, twisting, breaking of the rules by the producers so as to increase the dramatic tension. Although last night the rule-fiddling was not so much about the increasing of the tension, as about the acomodating of the favorites, so as to prevent the Michael, the beloved one, or the Jeffrey, the pathetic-boy sort-of-villian, from being sent away.

Yes, on the one level, the Manolo understands this decision to keep the Jeffrey and the Michael for the final runway.

Both the Uli (who deservedly won last night) and the Laura (who again showed too much of the sternum) are the completely predictable designers. While, the Michael seemed (until the Manolo saw his final collection) to have the impeccable sense of what worked. And the Jeffrey, for all of his many and manifest faults, is entertaining in his way. Thus the decision was taken by the producers and the judges to keep the more interersting designers, even though their final outfits last night were very weak.

Of the course, this decision, to end in the giant group hug, it undermines the point of the show, which is the fierce competition.

Without the competition, the Project Runway is not worth the watching. And when the losers arbitrarily can be brought back, and the final three arbitrarily made the final four, the show is revealed as silly and artifical. Yes, the Project Runway it was always silly and artificial, but as long as the competition seemed plausibly fair we could ignore this, so accustomed are we to the nature of games. In the world of games, the one thing you do not do is change the rules halfway through, for to do so is to render the game not worth the playing, or the watching.

Thankfully, however, last night, there were still the Tim Gunn, the Michael Kors, the pillowy Heidi Klum, and the Ninotchka Garcia de Castellanos to observe. Indeed as far as the Manolo was concerned the only truly amusing moment was at the end when the Tim Gunn became almost verklempt, the eyes welling-up, the voice almost demi-semi-quavering, and the lower-lip seconds away from full pout. Who knew that beneath the steely grey hair and the all-business demeanor there lurked the soul of the sentimental, marshmallowy romantic?

Now, it is on to the reunion show. Perhaps the return of the dangerously egomaniacal Keith can provide some true amusement.

Manolo says, quite obviously, the Tim Gunn does not like the Crocs.

Arlington, Va.:Tim, In what is, to me, a particularly distressing trend, I have seen many women (and quite a few men) wearing crocs in public. Is this truly acceptable? Is there some sort of fashion clearinghouse which decides on a whim that actions which would normally result in ostracization are instead cool and accepted? Tim, please offer your advice.

Tim Gunn: Ohhhhh… May I respond by merely saying, “I hate crocs. May they please go away.”

The Manolo could not have said it better.

Manolo says, this week the producers of the Project Runway decided that it would be amusing to bring back the Angela and the Vincent for one more week to torment the other designers and to remind us why we were happy when these two lunatics were sent away in shame, not that they would have noticed, as both are so convinced of their own genius.

And now the Manolo will pretend that this never happened.

And so the five desginers who remain were set to the task of producing the black-and-white dress of the cocktails, only they had to use ALL of the fabric they purchased, as if this were your poor hillbilly granny, who survived the Great Depression in the Kentucky, and would never consider not using every piece of scrap in her “box of notions”.

Nothing says “sophistication” to the Manolo like the forced frugality.

But such is the crazy make-the-couture-in-two-days world in which our television friends reside.

So it was goodbye to our regal Queen Kayne, who when forced to “edit” himself, decided that the best way to do so was with the little black dress with the sneaker lacing up the back. Better if the Kayne had stayed true to himself and made the crazy-sexy, spangly black-and-white pageant cocktail gown, all decolletage and rhinestones with the long train.

Jeffrey produced the design he described as “hip and young”, yes, maybe if this is the 1983 and you are the Jennifer Beals. Michel Kors keeps seeing the Gwen Steffani. The Manolo keeps seeing Rosanne Arquette in the Desperately Seeking Susan.

Uli…boring…boring…boring. You know it is almost over when the judges begin to viciously mock your accent. What next the tomatoes and the rotten eggs?

Michael produced the very pretty dress, although the Manolo was not especially fond of the belt, which savored of the wickety-wack. But the girl worked it and thus Michael is almost certain to be one of the fashion week three.

Finally, the winner was the Laura, perhaps it was the pregnancy hormones talking, but the Manolo has never seen anyone who seemed less able to take the criticism, and at that moment he was hoping that the producers had hidden from her all of the sharp objects.

Ayyyy! The Ice Queen, she has melted into the puddle of tears!

Although to the credit of the Laura, she did listen to what was said, and she benefited from it, producing one of the best things the Manolo has seen this season. Bravo!

Now it is on to the fashion week, where we will find that the final three are (and here the Manolo guesses) Michael, Laura, and Jeffrey, with the Uli as the decoy.

Andiamo!

Manolo says, the Couture Challenge? In two days? This it is not the couture. You cannot do the couture in two days! And, most assuredly of everything, you cannot do the couture without the old French ladies.

Where, the Manolo asks, are the old French ladies?

You have to have the old French ladies to do the tiny-little-stitch sewing, and the fancy beading, and the ruching, and everything that is delicate and expensive and good about the couture. Without the old French ladies you have nothing, just clothes.

But, the producers have gone to the trouble of flying to the Paris to do the show, and so the facsimilie of the couture it must be produced by the designers.

And the winner, and deservedly so, was the odious Jeffrey, who does seem to have the talent. His crazy yellow plaid dress was the most innovative and entertaining and alive of all of the garments on the runway. It actually looked good.

Although, to wear this would require the clean underwear, as this garment it was cut all the way up to the girl’s hoochie coochie. The Ooo La La, indeed!

As for the rest…meh, meh, meh.

The Ulli did what the Ulli always does, which is to first imagine that she is designing the gown for herself and work from there. And the result it was the Ulli thing, only with the better fabric and the more refined stitching. Yes, she has her own vision, but frankly the Manolo he is tired of it. Flowy, flowy, loosey-goosey, hippy-dippy, brady-drapy and meh! Take it away!

The Laura, she did what the Laura always does, which is to first imagine that she is designing the gown for herself and work from there. And the result it was the Laura thing, with the black and the plunging, sternum-displying front and the good silhouette that looks like something we have seen in the past. As for the lace…meh! Take it away!

The Kayne did what the Kayne always does, which is to first imagine that he is designing the gown for himself and work from there. And the result was the Kayne thing. The skirt it was so beautiful and the color perfect, but the bodice was the wreck of the train, with the pieces flying everywhere and the stripes and the corset lacing and the gold mesh and the hundred-piece marching bands and the baton twirlers worked into it….meh! Take it away!

The Michael….the Manolo’s beloved Michael, who rarely misses the mark….The Manolo he had to avert his eyes from this disaster. Take it away!

And finally, bringing up the back, was the Vincent who produced something one would be ashamed to see come out of the junior high school home economics class. Yes, it had the nice fabric, but it was terrible, badly cut, badly made. Meh! Take him away!

And they did.

Manolo says, the Evil One speaks of the Project Runway.

From leading ladies to supermodels, designer Karl Lagerfeld has dressed them all. Now, however, the world famous couturier is revealing what he thinks about some of the biggest names in the industry.

[…]

As for German supermodel Heidi Klum’s “Project Runway”, well that he just labels as trash.

“Trash that is funny for five minutes if you’re with other people,” ….

…who are most likely your toadies, henchmen, and lickspittles.

Manolo says, Paris and the Project Runway? C’est Magnifique!

Jetsetters?

Ayyyy! Let the Manolo be the first to say that this is not the possee that the Manolo would want to take with him to the Ibiza. The Manolo usually associates with the better class of drama queens, airheads, recovering junkies, and befuddled old men.

But, one must “make it work” and so this motley crew went at their appointed task with the vengeance, producing the outfits that were mostly fit for wearing to the Salvation Army, where they could then be exchanged for something more stylish and au courant.

For the example, the Ulli was ready to jet set it out the back door and onto the Magic Bus for the mystical journey to the Humboldt County with the Manson Family. Very 2006, that.

And at this point the Manolo thought…One. Trick. My. Pretty. Psychedelic. Pony.

Then there was the “costume” produced by the Kayne, the costume which the Tim described as “too much Elvis”.

To which the Manolo immediately replied, there is no such things as the too much Elvis. It is impossible to have too much Elvis!

In the fact, the Manolo is of the opinion that the world needs more of the Elvis. Fat Elvis, Thin Elvis, Young Elvis, Old Elvis, Elvis giving away the pink Cadillacs to the strangers, Elvis treating his friends to the fried peanut butter, bacon, and banana sandwiches, Elvis spreading joy like glitter everywhere he goes!

Yes, we now mock the Elvis for his fashion choices, but we forget that Elvis was always of the moment, and that even when he appeared in the be-rhinestoned jumpsuits he was representing the pure and distilled essence of the 1970s show business.

The problem with the outfit of the Kayne was indeed not too much of the Elvis, it was too much cheap Elvis.

Of the course, the worst of the worst was the outfit produced by the Angela, who combined so many awful elements that the Manolo fully expected the very Earth to open up, rent asunder by the rift in the space-time continuum caused by the concentration of too much crap, and swallow her down to Hell.

Sadly, we who were offended had to be satisfied with the Angela being sent away, although not as one would have hoped covered in the tar and feathers.

Laura produced something that looked good, although not something the Manolo would have thought was for the travelling. And the Vincent made the outfit that the Manolo himself would have worn, but only if it were correctly tailored and the jersey made from the triple cashmere.

And when the Michael Kors criticized this outfit for being too basic and boring, the Manolo thought that undoubtedly the Kors believed it could have been greatly enlivened with the addition of the basic black blazer, which could never be removed, and which would also look good on one’s mother.

As for the winner, Jeffrey, the Manolo asks you, did we not see this very outfit on the Mick Jagger in the year 1990? Although, the Manolo doubts that the Mick would have been so silly as to have called conspicuous attention to the lack of bulge in his crotch.

Again, it was the Michael who impressed the Manolo most. Not because it was to his exact taste, but because he took something the Manolo despises–the baggy goth parachute pants with the superfluous external straps– and made them into something the Manolo can almost tolerate, simply by making them out of the seersucker. This was the most amusing and impressive display of wit, and it worked.

Manolo says, this episode of the Project Runway, it had it all: the anger, the tears, the ladies of the certain size, the Micheal Kors and the mother of the Michael Kors in the Mommy-and-Me outfits!

Ayyyyyyyy! Such fun!

First, allow the Manolo to say, adieu, sweet Barbie Prince Bob. Yes, everything you made looked as if it was something you had just purchased down at the Ross Dress for Less, but you were still the nice guy and you had the big gym-made biceps.

Second, allow the Manolo to congratulate the crazy Vincent for designing what was the superior outfit of the evening. Even the better, Vincent turned out to be the mensch, the person who knew when it was appropriate to apologize and was not afraid to tell someone so. Yes, he is wound three turns too tight, but he is not the bad person.

Speaking of the bad person, the Manolo cannot help but think that the Jeffrey must have been the much more pleasant person as the junkie. Indeed, slumped against the wall in the heroin stupor would be infinately superior to the rude, angry, aggressive, petulant child he is sober.

And here the Manolo he is risking much scorn and anger from the recovering-addict-American community, but what can he do, there are those people who would simply be better company stoned.

The Jeffrey he does have the sympathy of the Manolo, as he is undoubtedly tormented in ways we cannot know, but this it is not the excuse for being abusive to someone’s mama.

As for the rest of this episode, the Manolo loved the mothers, this was the wonderful, stupdenous idea from the producers. Here, the Manolo thought, was the chance for these aspiring designers to dress the real, everyday woman in all of her glory. Brilliant!

There are few things that test the true ability of the designer than having to dress the woman who is not the skinny teenager with the protruding hip bones and the stick legs. Just ask Alison from the last week’s challenge.

The Manolo thought that the outfits produced by Michael and Uli were quite good, and that the Kayne did much better than the judges gave him credit for. Laura’s outfit made the Manolo think of something the executive secretary of the certain age would wear to the office, definitely not something to be worn on the cruise. As for the Jeffrey’s and Angela’s…ayyyyyyyy! Only in the mind of the Angela could the shaky-shaky fringe = Audrey Hepburn.

Finally, the Manolo loves, loves, loves the Joan Kors.

This woman she needs her own show on the Bravo Network: The Joan Kors Koffee Klatch. Just Joan sitting around drinking the coffee, chain smoking the Lucky Strikes, discussing whatever happens to be in her mind at that moment with whatever guest happens to drop by. The Manolo would definitely watch that.

P.S. The super fantastic Laura K. of the super fantastic Blogging the Project Runway, reminds the Manolo that this latest challenge, like at least two of the previous challenges, was first suggested and discussed by the very canny readers of the Blogging the Project Runway, long before the producers ever “thought” of them.

For the past several months the Manolo has considered the Blogging the Project Runway to be the single most important resource on the internets for the Project Runway television show, indeed, it is far more important and informative than the filled with fluff and nonsense website of the Bravo. (The Manolo only goes to the Bravo site to hear the Tim Gunn’s podcasts.)

If you love the Project Runway you should be reading the Blogging the Project Runway.