Manolo says, there are the all too frequent moments in fashion when the movie Zoolander seems like the documentary. Behold this scene recorded by Guy Trebay of the New York Times at the end of the Evil One’s most recent Chanel show (the theme of which was apparently, “Sexy Yetis Visit the Fortress of Solitude“).

But there was also a Woody Allen moment, and it occurred after the last of the models, clad in fake fur Wookie-wear, had sloshed through the puddles and offstage, and a small group of Mr. Lagerfeld’s industry friends tried to see and congratulate him.

For reasons that were not altogether clear but may have had something to do with pooled water and electrical cables lying about, the security guards formed a human wall blocking the Vogue editors Tonne Goodman and Grace Coddington; the Vanity Fair correspondent Ingrid Sischy; Lady Amanda Harlech; Babeth Djian, the editor of Numéro; and Jonathan Newhouse, the chairman of Condé Nast International, from going backstage.

BlackBerrys were fired up. Frantic calls were dialed. Well-shod hooves were stamped. Ms. Sischy upbraided the security force, assuring them that Mr. Lagerfeld would be both furious and “triste” if prevented from seeing his adoring fans. But the guards would not be budged. Passage backstage was impossible!

Then, in an abrupt reversal familiar to anyone who has ever encountered French bureaucracy, they changed their minds. The guards moved away, and the small crowd surged en masse to where Mr. Lagerfeld posed beside his ice sculpture surrounded on three sides by television crews. Still separated from her friend and idol, Ms. Sischy called out plaintively.

“Karl, Karl, Karl,” she trilled, and for a moment one was not in Paris at all but on a floe in the Arctic Ocean, on a fragment of ice snapped off the glacial shelf. “Karl, Karl,” Ms. Sischy called, her cry like that of a baby seal.

…ripe for the clubbing.

Manolo says, frankly the Manolo finds the snowy grill to be less grotesque.

P.S. Thanks to the Manolo’s internet friend Mimi.

Curvy women have no place on the catwalk, iconic German fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld was quoted as saying, after a fashion magazine said it was banning skinny models in favour of “real women”.

“No one wants to see curvy women,” Lagerfeld was quoted as saying on the website of news magazine Focus on Sunday.

“You’ve got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying that thin models are ugly,” he added.

The world of fashion is about “dreams and illusions”, he said, dismissing as “absurd” the debate prompted by Brigitte magazine which said it would no longer feature professional models on its pages.

“Surely,” you are saying to yourself, “Karl was not referring to me. I mean, I like potato chips, and am a little bit curvy, but still he doesn’t hate me, right?”

No, it is you (and cuddly furry animals) that Karl hates the most!

In fact, it is much worse that you imagine: Karl Lagerfeld hates you and loves…CLOGS!!!

The Kaiser has spoken, and evidenced from yesterday’s Chanel show, the word is clogs. While I myself love them, they can be a bit awkward to actually walk in and somewhat “Hey guys, wait up!” when it comes to cruising quickly on your feet through city streets. But really, what’s going on here? What was once reserved for surgeons in the O.R. and argumentative vegans has just been elevated to a new level. Is this Crocs crossover? Well, never mind, either way. If it’s good enough for Karl, bring it on.

If this is not conclusive proof that Lagerfeld is evil, the Manolo does not know what is.

Manolo says, ayyyyyyyy! The charming Alber Elbaz has been co-opted by the pure evil!

Manolo says, the Manolo suspects this is some sort of elaborate scheme for world domination.

German teddy bear makers Steiff have created a teddy bear in the likeness of German designer Karl Lagerfeld. The Karl Lagerfeld Steiff teddy bear is dressed in Karl Lagerfeld’s signature style, a black suit with a white striped shirt and a black tie with black sunglasses. Only one thousand five hundred will be made and will be available from a very limited number of stores world wide.

Consider, 1500 tiny ursine minions, standing ready to do their evil master’s bidding.

Ayyyy! It looks so innocent…but then, so did Chucky.

P.S. Many thanks to the Manolo’s internet friend Linda

Manolo Ayyyyyy! The Evil One is now armed!

Karl’s got a gun. Several dozen, in fact, and he showed them off at Thursday night’s carnival of a cruise collection, shown quite literally in the pool of South Beach’s famed Raleigh Hotel.

As the Manolo’ s internet friends at Fashionologie (from whom the Manolo found this story) have pointed out, these are not merely for the runway, but will actually be manufactured and sold by Chanel.

Normally, the Manolo would be tempted to read some greater societal message into the appearance of such overtly gangsta bling shoes on the runway, but it is clear from everything the Manolo has read that they are here only because his Malignant Karlness thought they were cool.

In other words, sometimes the fake gun is just the fake gun.

Manolo says, at last, something to put on the dashboard of your car…in Hell!

Already an icon in his own right, Karl Lagerfeld is becoming a collectible, too. The designer has collaborated with Pixi on a miniature lead figurine of himself in his trademark regalia. The doll is being issued in a limited run of 1,000 figures and is on sale exclusively in Paris at Colette for 200 euros, or about $300.

Skull Island, Secret Lair Playset not included.

P.S. Many thanks to the Manolo’s internet friend Genevieve for alerting the Manolo to this keepsake of evil.

Manolo says, in the past the Manolo has criticized Roberto Cavalli for his lack of restraint as the designer, but one could never say that Cavalli does not have the marvelous sense of humor. For what could be funnier/scarier than to appear dressed as Karl Lagerfeld?

‘THE few people I know who knew me as a child say I was like a male Shirley Temple – rather unbearable and spoiled,” muses designer Karl Lagerfeld in “Lagerfeld Confidential,” the Rodolphe Marconi documentary that makes its American premiere at Film Forum on Wednesday.

The film is a compilation of behind-the-scenes footage from Chanel and Lagerfeld’s eponymous line, as well as no-holds-barred interviews with the designer and vignettes from Lagerfeld’s childhood. It offers viewers an unprecedented level of access to Lagerfeld’s private life.

In the documentary, his home – stashed to the rafters with books, magazines, iPods, Chrome Hearts jewelry and dozens of rails of black clothes – is on open display. So are the private moments, like Karl walking around in his bathrobe and Karl without his sunglasses.

Beware, the Devil’s Eyes!