Dear Manolo,

Nola

Manolo says, the Manolo has often noted that, strangely, even the most staid lawyer can be driven mad by the glimpse of succulent toe flesh, which is why sandals have never been considered to be the proper business attire.

And yet, our young tax attorney, who is undoubtedly slaving away in the corporate salty-tear mines as the countdown to the infernal April 15th nears, will soon be needing something truly glorious — high-heeled, bejeweled, and open-toed — to celebrate her temporary release from bondage.

In the meantime, she must concentrate on rendering unto Caesar and the senior partners that which is due them, to be defined as 3000 billable hours the year. Because of this, she deserves the most beautiful, beautiful office shoes, so as to be the tiny daily consolation for her mighty labors.

Here is the Pargata Buckle-Toe Rafia Pump from the Maestro Manolo Blahnik, the perfect, super-sophisticated, summery shoe!

Manolo says, it is Monday, and you are NOT back at your desk, NOT slaving away for the man.

You were supposed to be back in the office this morning, as surely as the sun rises in the Easterly direction, doing your bit to increase the bottom line of MarScro International, the privately held company with interests in the manufacturing, importation and marketing of such diverse products as the lead-based Chinese toys, powdered Sudanese baby formula, and Liberian-made cellphones.

You were supposed to be back at the work, but on Christmas Day, shortly after nine in the morning, you received the strangest phone call from the CEO, Mr. S., himself, the eccentric billionaire famous in the financial press for driving the 1962 Nash Rambler (which he purchased new), and for chasing business reporters away from his decrepit three-bedroom home with the walking stick.

It was the strangest call, because the perpetually sour, old Mr. S. sounded giddy, perhaps even drunk, shouting “Merry Christmas”, and weepily thanking you for being such the faithful employee. And then he gave you the week off, followed by the big raise.

At that point, you became certain that the phone call was some lame practical joke, that this was not really the CEO, but rather some co-worker playing the cruel trick upon you.

“No, no, my dear lady. I assure you it is I.”

“But, sir, it may sound like you, but…but….”

“But, it is not my usual behavior? Not my custom to give raises to valued employees?”

“Yes, sir. Not your usual behavior.”

“Well, let us just say that I am a changed man, that from this day forth, I shall know how to keep Christmas well.”

And then he asked about your son.

“And how is little Tom?”

“He’s fine, sir.”

“Is he? The last I saw of the boy he was in a leg brace, so pathetic.”

“No, sir, he’s fine now. He’s a sophomore at Johns Hopkins, on a lacrosse scholarship.”

And then you remember that Tommy had come into the office the few years ago, on crutches, right after he had hyperextended his knee in the scrimmage against the varsity team.

When you finally hung up, “Merry Christmas!” and headed back into the family room to finish the opening of the presents, you were still not sure it had really been him.

But this morning, while you were sitting in the kitchen, drinking the coffee and debating whether or not you should get dressed and go into the office, the doorbell rang.

You pulled your housecoat tight around you, and went to the door, where you discovered the courier standing on the front step. He said your name. You signed the receipt. And then he handed you the thirty-five pound turkey, together with the envelope containing the fancy Christmas card and the substantial, year-end bonus check, with the words “Merry Christmas!” scrawled in the spidery script on the subject line.

And now, you are sitting at your computer thinking about getting some new shoes…

Something like these Maestro Manolo Blahnik Clausado D’Orsay Pumps in this rich blue color…. You have certainly earned them.

As always, the Maestro Manolo Blahnik delights and amuses.

And, just in time for the Christmas, he has produced (with Camilla Morton) the seasonally appropriate fantasy picture book…Manolo Blahnik and the Tale of the Elves and the Shoemaker

Ayyyy! He does not know who is Suri Cruise AND he has the new book. That is not one, but two reasons to love the maestro!

Pulchritudo non habet rationem appetibilis nisi inquantum induit rationem boni: Sic enim et verum appetibile est: Sed secundum rationem propriam habet claritatem

Our friend Ecco says that this is Aquinas’s proof that beauty, goodness, and truth are “equivalent and convertible”.

But, the Manolo does not need the Aquinas, nor the Ecco, to know this.

All the humble shoeblogger must do to understand that truth and beauty and goodness are the same is gaze upon this…

The pointy-toed suede snkle boot from the Maestro Manolo Blahnik.

Yesterday you were saying to yourself, “what gives with the Manolo, he’s usually posted one of his Monday stories by now.”

To which the Manolo would reply, of the course the Manolo was not available! Yesterday was the International Talk Like the Pirate Day!

The Manolo began the celebrations early, and by the time he thought to post his Monday story, the spirits of the day (both abstract pirate good cheer and concrete rum) had already begun to possess the Manolo. Frankly, the phrase, “You arrrrgggh indeed most super fantastic, matey,” does not trip lightly off of the tongue, and so the Manolo decided to retire to his cabin early to recover.

But, today, to make up for it, the Manolo will show you something wonderful….

The suede and raccoon fur boots from the Maestro Manolo Blahnik!

Beautiful pirate boots for beautiful sophisticated womens!

Sadly, most of these weekends are not even worth remembering, given over as they are to the demands of the lawn care, and the house care, and the car care, and the laundry care, and all of the niggling little cares that weigh down the suburban homeowner.

It was not always thus. Once, when you and Gary were first married, you had the romantic dreams of walk-up flats in Paris and long trips to the Greek isles, where you would squeeze the juice out of life together.

Now, on the Saturdays, it is up early and off to the garden store, where you spend several hours shopping for the new edge-trimmers, and the pesticides, and the black spot resistant roses, which is sad because neither of you really enjoy the gardening.

Then, as you are heading out, you notice that Gary has gotten busy loading hundred-pound bags of colored stone (mostly reds and blues) onto your shopping cart.

“What are you doing,” you ask.

“Xeriscape!” shouts Gary, “We need to xeriscape the whole damn thing. Front yard, back yard, side yards. Hell, xeriscape the living room.”

“What are you talking about?’

“Low-maintenance, low-water landscaping. Xeriscaping. Saw it is Sunset while I was waiting at the oil change place. Tear up the whole yard, lay down colored stone and plant cactuses. Prickly pears, and barrel cactuses, and maybe some giant saguaro.”

“Gary, honey,” when he gets like this you have to gently talk him down, “we live in Ohio.”

It is moments like this that make you realize that shoes are nature’s own Prozac.

Look, what could be more soothing and satisfying than strappy suede sandals from the Maestro Manolo Blahnik?

You know, maybe some colored rocks in the side yard aren’t such the bad idea.

For those suffering from the low energy, the Cerreto Buckle Snakeskin d’Orsay Pumps from the Maestro Manolo Blahnik is perhaps restorative of vigor….

And if, like the Manolo, you are experiencing the surfeit of black bile, which to the person of normally sanguine temperament is quite distressing, then perhaps the Arsenia Metallic Leather Peep-Toe Pumps will put your humours back into balance.

Simple but effective cures from that most honored of physicians, Manolo Blahnik.

5. The Man with One Red Shoe (1985): The ultimate movie about a friendly prank going terribly wrong, this adorable comedy follows Tom Hanks as he accidentally get’s followed by the CIA because he is wearing mismatched shoes (one of the shoes being red). Why was he wearing mismatched shoes? Because his so called buddy hid all of his shoes except for one mismatched pair. And why did the CIA begin to follow him? A terrible coincidence orchestrated by a crooked and desperate agent. Thus, comedy ensues! Plus this is “Big” and “Splash” Tom Hanks, when he is all fresh faced and adorable, not the puffy and serious Tom Hanks we know now. Enjoy him and his youth-like hilarity.

4. Marie Antoinette (2006): Ok, this movie is not about shoes. However, Sophia Coppola’s imaginative take on the historical character did involve a mouth watering montage of whimsical Manolo Blahnik shoes (which were said to be visually inspired by a package of macaroons). The sequence, set to the song “I Want Candy” displays the sheer overindulgence of royalty in this time period with women playing games, eating delectable desserts, trying on gowns, wigs, jewels and of course…shoes. It will make you cringe with jealousy and drool in awe. Either way, I dare you to walk away from the scene without being green eyed and satisfied.

3. The Red Shoes (1948): This one works on many levels. A tumultuous tale of love triangles, bright red ballet shoes, and the inner struggle between the true love of a companion and the true passion of stardom, this film is exciting, romantic and filled with dancing. Not to mention, in the film the young ballerina is cast in a ballet production called “The Red Shoes” which is based on the Hans Christian Anderson fairy tale of the same title. The fairytale is about a young girl who becomes so obsessed with her red shoes that they take hold of her and force her body to dance day and night without her control. Here’s the kicker (pun intended), the shoes are stuck to her feet so she can’t take them off to stop the dancing. Sounds like a great workout plan, if you ask me. (Note: there is also a great Japanese horror film by the same name about a cursed pair of red heels that when seen cause instant obsession and an overwhelming need to steal/obtain them. The problem is, side effects of obtaining and wearing the shoes include: death).

2.The Wizard of OZ (1939): All you have to do is put on a pair of Ruby red slippers and you can be transported into a world of Technicolor and flying monkeys? Count me in! This film is the ultimate in childhood fantasy. What young girl hasn’t been Dorothy for Halloween? (I was…twice). Not the mention the beauty, elegance and desirability of shimmering Ruby red slippers that enable one to travel to different dimensions! You won’t find those on sale at Nordstroms. This movie is timeless, and while it has been re-done in many shapes and fashions, in my mind nothing beats the original.

1. Cinderella (1950): Romantic and magical, I think the ultimate shoe movie has to be the Disney classic Cinderella. Again, this film has been done time and time again in different styles and mediums, but all in all the story remains the same. It’s all about that beautiful glass slipper. While there is no way a glass shoe could be comfortable, and god knows if I was ballroom dancing in one I would shatter the poor thing all over the floor, this glass slipper is not only Cinderella’s ticket to her one true love, but it is also her ticket out of slavery and poverty! Now that my friends is a shoe worth keeping. Especially if you get a fairy god mother included in the original price of the shoe, because New York car services and cabs are expensive and I would love my own personal stage coach to cart me from a to b.

P.S. Probably the only type of shoes there might not be a movie about it is Timberland work boots. Although, if you look closely, I’m sure you’ll see them in plenty of recent movies.

Yesterday morning, it was up early, into the Easter finery, and off to the church, where you frantically search for the seats in the packed room… oh look…it is cousin Barney, and there is the space next to him for the whole family, if you pack in very tightly and do not breathe in unison.

Then the festivities began with one of your favorite hymns, that old showstopper, “Up from the grave he arose, with the mighty triumph o’er his foes, he arose a victor from the dark domain, and he lives forever with his saints to reign!”

Unfortunately, this was followed by one of those modern songs the kids supposedly like, the shapeless piece of music which sounds like the weakest song on latest 3 Doors Down album. That would not be so bad, except the song promotes this vague theology centered on the awesome awesomeness of the awesome God. Say what you will about the old hymns, but they were written by the people who knew their way around both the G-clef and the King James Version.

And then it was time for the pastor to give his homily, which you enjoyed greatly, even if your children (whom you had forcibly deprived of their electronic devices) fidgeted nervously in their seats, while your husband Gary dozed softly, comfortably wedged into one of Cousin Barney’s fleshy folds.

Later, at home, you will dine like American royalty on ham, green beans, potatoes au gratin, lemon meringue pie, and the angel food cake.

And today, you will feast your eyes upon these beautiful Maestro Manolo Blahnik Pubil Leather and Snakeskin Sandals

TAX DAY!!!!

TAX DAY!!!!

TAX DAY!!!!

TAX DAY!!!!

TAX DAY!!!!

Here is the Manolo’s best advice…put the thick envelope with the 1040 into the mail box, open the bottle of the mid-priced chardonnay, pour yourself the big glass, and stare at this for several minutes…

The Risp Knotted Peep-Toe Pumps from the Maestro Manolo Blahnik

Beautiful, elegant, cool, classical, and guaranteed to take some of the sting out of life’s indignities.