True, he is guilty of the spiky horse hoof shoe, not to mention these:

(these are all from several seasons ago, and yes, the dollar sign shoes would’ve set you back a cool grand)

Yes, he does tend to err slightly on the Russian Mafia Call Girl side of things from time to time but he’s also capable of walking that fine edge of playful elegance just as well as his fellow countrymen Dolce and Gabbana.

Some of his more restrained offerings are among my favorites in my personal collection.

I once rained down fire on a cobbler who, without my permission, added grippy rubber half-soles in a particularly abysmal shade of Stalinist utilitarian gray to a beautiful pair of black patent court shoes with an exquisite lacquered wood heel.

He thought he was doing me a favor.

I don’t remember the entire conversation, but I seem to recall non-voluntary circumcision coming up somewhere. I’m not in jail though, so I’m pretty sure I didn’t actually do it.

He’s also got an irresistible whiff of Morrissey about him, (Zanotti, not the cobbler) which makes sense as before he found his, er, footing he was a DJ in the 80′s.

It also explains why I alternately adore him and want to throw him off a roof.

Still, in the spirit of fairness, I thought I’d offer you some of Guido’s more approachable efforts, all of which are available on considerable sale at The Outnet, though some sizes might be limited.

Just click the images for the links.

Fit Note: Zanotti builds on a comparatively generous last, so his shoes tend to be wider than many other premium designers. They run pretty true to size, so if you’re used to sizing up, you might not have to with him. Also, he does pony/calf hair (same thing, no ponies were harmed) better than any other designer I’ve encountered. It’s smooth, glossy and doesn’t tuft out everywhere a week after you bring them home. I’ve worn a pair of his pony sandals regularly for about six years and the calf hair has stayed in place marvelously. Highly recommended.

I then invited readers to answer two questions.

• Is it a shoe?
• If not, what is it?

and there are a few awards to hand out

Superfantastic reader Marvel gets induction into The Order of the Shiny Apple for mentioning Joan Crawford, which I’d mentioned would garner extra points, while Fran, wins the coveted Nostradamus Tiara of Unfortunate Plausibility for suggesting:

Lady Gaga and Damien Hirst are proud to present their first child; it will be auctioned in a Qatari art gallery at the modest asking price of 2,375 gazillion of the US dollars.

The tiara is, as per previously outlined specifications, cut in half and floating in formaldehyde with a cow’s eyeball.

Sadly, in games like in relationships, there can be only one winner and this week it’s the lovely and fragrant Jo, who offered this gem:

Not a shoe. This is a sad genetic experiment gone wrong. This is what you get when you cross a porcupine with a magpie – a fetish for spines and shiny things. We should put it out of its misery, as it would never survive in the wild. However, we’ll probably see it around some pecuniarily over-endowed chit’s ankles as the latest fad for fashion pets continues.

For her troubles, Jo is appointed Chair of Cryptozoology and Sparkly Things at Our Lady of the Sacred Slingback University.

Thanks to all who played! Be sure to join us again soon for…

The rules are easy. I provide an image of something that may or may not be footwear, and you answer two simple questions:

Is it a shoe?

If not, what is it?

The winner will be picked the next week and lauded with palm branches or whatever else I find handy.

Ready? Let’s play!

Is it a shoe?

Remember, points are awarded on wit, intellect and gratuitous references to Joan Crawford. Just kidding, there’s no such thing as a gratuitous reference to Joan Crawford.

Manolo says, here are the utterly smashing, super sexy, stiletto sandals from the Giuseppe Zanotti, which are marked down 50% from the usual price, the savings of over $400 dollars!

Manolo says, here is something for the day after the day of the fireworks, the WE2003 from Giuseppe Zanotti, the strappy high-heeled sandal that speaks in sophisticated tones of muted (for Zanotti) joy.

There is something about this shoe that draws the Manolo, something which the Manolo cannot fully articulate. Certainly, it is the combination of everything, from the toering, to the gold accents, to the snakeskin print. There is the harmonious interplay of elements… Bah! Enough with the talking, talking, talking!

It is the object of attraction and desire. What more needs to be said?

At the end of the article, the Manolo challenged his internet friends to say what sort of person would be suitable to each of the three very different shoes. Because the Manolo’s internet friends are the smart and witty bunch, there were many good answers left in the comments section.

But now, allow the Manolo to tell you exactly what sort of person wears this…

Number 1:
The E20274 Platform Sandal from Giuseppe Zanotti.

Your name is Madison, but you go by Bambi. You are five feet ten inches tall, blonde, and have the surgically enhanced 38DDD bosom, and you are from Crawfordsville, IN, although you like to hide this last fact.

At the moment, you are “dating” the son of the oil sheikh named Samir who has the degree in finance from Arizona State University. You say “dating” because, while it is fun flying in the private jet with the zebra-leather interior to Monaco and Dubai and Singapore, you know that this relationship is not really going anywhere, indeed you suspect that Sam already has the first wife, if not the second wife, back home in Kuwait. But you keep these suspicions to yourself, because, well, because the last time you were in the Abu Dhabi, at the Mall of the Emirates, you went shoe shopping with Samir’s Black Card, and these Zanotti platform sandals were part of haul you brought back to the royal suite.

But maybe, sometimes, you think, it might not be worth it.

Sometimes, in those few minutes when Samir has stepped away from the VIP lounge, and you’re waiting for the waiter to deliver the next bottle of Dom Perignon, you wonder what comes next, and if you could ever really go home.

Researchers at the University of Kansas found that people were able to correctly judge a stranger’s age, gender, income, political affiliation, emotional and other important personality traits just by looking at the person’s shoes.

Lead researcher Omri Gillath found that by examining the style, cost, color of condition of the shoe, participants were able to guess about 90 percent of the of the owner’s personal characteristics.

And, we are supposed to be surprised by this? Seven years ago, our friend, the Miss Meghan published the very amusing book, The Perfect Fit; What Your Shoes Say About You that said exactly the same thing.

But, we must let the scientistic peoples have their say.

The 63 observers were then asked to look at each pair and guess the gender, age, social status and different personality traits of the owner, like whether the owner was an extrovert or introvert, liberal or conservative and the degree of their emotional stability, agreeableness, conscientiousness and openness.

Researchers found that observers did well in guessing characteristics of the volunteers in almost all categories, and concluded that people do wear shoes that reveal their personality, whether they intend to or not.

Expensive shoes belonged to high earners, flashy and colorful footwear belonged to extroverts and shoes that were not new but appeared to be spotless belonged to conscientious types.

Science!

While some of the clues like the ones already described were obvious, other clues were more surprising.

Practical and functional shoes generally belong to agreeable people, ankle boots fit with more aggressive personalities and uncomfortable looking shoes were worn by calm personalities.

Participants were able to most accurately judge a person’s age, gender and income followed by their emotional stability and agreeableness.

In psychology, emotional stability is an umbrella term that includes a person’s fear of abandonment, rejection issues and the ability to handle different kinds of relationships.

People with “attachment anxiety” or people that were most worried about their relationships generally had brand new and well-kept shoes. Researchers suggest that this may be because they worry so much about their appearance and what others may think of them.

Not surprisingly, liberal thinkers, who many think of as flip-flop wearing hippies, wear shabbier and less expensive shoes.

And now the drum roll, please, for the grande finale conclusion….

“Shoes convey a thin but useful slice of information about their wearers,” the authors wrote. “Shoes serve a practical purpose, and also serve as nonverbal cues with symbolic messages. People tend to pay attention to the shoes they and others wear.”

Ta-Da!! “People pay attention to the shoes they and others wear!”

Scientia omnia vincit!

And, now, the Manolo challenges you, using your newly discovered scientific super powers, tell the Manolo what sort of person would wear each of these three shoes…

Number 1:

The E20274 Platform Sandal from Giuseppe Zanotti, retail price $1,150!

Number 2:

The Birki’s Super Birki White Flower Clogs, with the retail price of $79.95

Number 3:

The Ronnie Men’s Boot from Jeffery-West, selling for the $545.

Tomorrow, the Manolo will tell you correct answers to the question, what do these shoes say about their wearers.

Manolo asks, $1975? Really?

Sometimes, even the Manolo is astonished.

Manolo says, Happy Fourth of the July!

What better way to celebrate this most auspicious of days than with the over-the-top booties from Giuseppe Zanotti? Long may they wave!

Manolo says, here is yet another of the recent Giuseppe Zanotti shoes which has befuddled the Manolo.

On the one of the hands, it is strikingly original, this combination of khaki and leather, and the Manolo could think of many items of clothing with which this shoe could be profitably paired by the super fantastic girl.

And yet, on the other of the hands, perhaps this combination and look is too much Beau Geste, like the puttees worn by the Legionnaires. Maybe it is too costumey, no?

And now the Manolo asks, would you wear it?