This past Monday, Diane was out house-hunting. She checked out a listing for a house that was interesting in part because it was close to a park. After looking at the house, Diane went over to the park to have a look at it, too. This was Sawgrass Lake Park in St. Petersburg, Florida, near I-275 and Gandy Boulevard. She took Ritka, our Vizsla, walking with her. Diane and Ritka were near the water’s edge at about 4:30 PM when Diane saw the water churn. She immediately called to Ritka and started moving away from the water. Ritka’s usual behavior is to run ahead, and that’s just what Ritka did. Diane, though, slipped on the slope and fell to her hands and knees, perhaps in part due to the slip-on “Crocs”-like shoes she was wearing at the time. The churning water was, indeed, a sign of a gator making a lunge, coming out of the water. The gator didn’t connect with anything on his first lunge, but he grabbed Diane’s left calf with his second lunge.

Ayyyy! Crocs vs. Gators!!! And the Gator is in the process of winning. Happily, everything works out moderately okay in the end.

Lesson: Do not be food for the alligator. Do not wear Crocs.

P.S. Thanks to the Manolo’s internet friend Carrie who writes: Not only will Crocs make you a victim of fashion, they will make you a victim of alligators. Which is funny because it is true!

Thus the Manolo proposes the Cash for Clogs program.

Turn in your old Croc for destruction and receive the $10 gift certificate for the purchase of the new pair of beautiful shoes.

To state in graphic terms…turn in this monstrosity…

Get this…

Off of the price of something like this…

The Tiara by Charles David. The prefect sort of summery replacement for the odious Croc.

Of the course, the government will have to immediately destroy the Croc, and set very tight restrictions on which shoes will be qualify for this proposed program. And naturally, the Manolo volunteers to do his patriotic duty by helping the bureaucrats set the proper standards of new footwear acceptability and beauty.

So, get to work, shoe industry lobbyists, and have Congress help us make the world the more beautiful place while stimulating the domestic shoe sales.

Crocs were born of the economic boom.

The colorful foam clogs appeared in 2002, just as the country was recovering from a recession. Brash and bright, they were a cheap investment (about $30) that felt good and promised to last forever. Former president George W. Bush wore them. Aerosmith lead singer Steven Tyler wore them. Your grandma wore them. They roared along with the economy, mocked by the fashion world but selling 100 million pairs in seven years.

Then the boom times went bust, and Crocs went to the back of the closet.

The company had expanded to meet demand, but financially pressed customers cut back. Last year the company lost $185.1 million, slashed roughly 2,000 jobs and scrambled to find money to pay down millions in debt. Now it’s stuck with a surplus of shoes, and its auditors have wondered if it can stay afloat. It has until the end of September to pay off its debt.

“The company’s toast,” said Damon Vickers, who manages an investment fund at Nine Points Capital Partners in Seattle. “They’re zombie-ish. They’re dead and they don’t know it.”

On the one hand the Manolo wishes to shout, “Ding Dong, the Crocs are dead!”, and yet on the other of the hands, he feels very sorry for the many people who will be harmed by the consequent loss of employment. (Being the low level Croc employee is sort of like being one of the independent contractors building the Death Star.)

By the way, one reason for the demise of Crocs the Company? The toxic durability of their product.

But the shoes were hitting a saturation point; the problem with a nearly indestructible product is that shoppers rarely need to replace it.

[...]

Who needs a second pair of Crocs in a recession, particularly when the first pair is holding up just fine?

Indeed, who needs the first pair, recession or not?

However, once acquired, it appears that the Crocs are like radioactive waste: they have the lengthy half-life in your closet.

Crocs have been on a downward spiral for months now. Fashion people have rejoiced at the thought of Crocs — the bubonic plague of footwear — succumbing to the economy and dying out altogether in the foreseeable future. Earlier this month, the company reported a loss of $22.4 million in the first quarter (last year they only lost $4.5 million in that period). The outlook seemed dismal for Crocs yet bright for feet everywhere! But like so many unattractive fashion trends (high-wasted tapered pants, Arden Wohl headbands, leg warmers, scrunchies … ), Crocs are poised to survive, quite possibly flourish. In March they brought on John Duerden as president and CEO. Charged with turning the company around, he’s painfully optimistic.

I had probably dismissed it as a fad. I thought, this is not going to last, but as I began to look at the company, it became clear to me that there was a passionate group of consumers out there … I still believe there is a buzz out there in the marketplace; there are consumers who like the idea of Crocs shoes.

Oh. Good. Heavens. Duerden plans to recover from the losses by laying people off, refining Crocs’s signature injection-molded technology, and continuing global expansion in markets like Japan and Southeast Asia.

“The Bubonic Plague of Footwear“? Ha!

Clearly the Manolo’s work here is almost done.

Crocs Inc. shares plunged 45% Thursday, stumbling after the colorful sandal maker reported a whopping third-quarter loss and warned of further financial pain as it downsizes what was once a high-flying business to better match sharply reduced demand.

Happy days are here again, the sky o’er head is clear again!
The Crocs are dead this year, Amen! Happy days are here again!

P.S. Many thanks to the Manolo’s internet friend, Aaron, for this good news.

Manolo says, Ayyyyyyy, nooooooo! The snakes have entered the Garden of Eden!

Manolo says, this picture, it proves that cats are sometimes smarter than peoples.

P.S. Many and profuse thanks to the Manolo’s many internet friends who sent him this.

Shares of Crocs Inc plummeted over 40 percent on Tuesday, a day after the maker of brightly colored plastic shoes slashed its sales and earnings projections for the first quarter and year, in what one analyst dubbed a “stunning fall.”

[...]

“Current macrotrends in the environment” have led to weaker-than-expected sales, according to Crocs Chief Executive Ron Snyder, speaking to analysts during a conference call on Tuesday. Colder weather and the closure of the company’s Canadian factory were also expected to crimp profit.

Factories producing Satan’s feetwear are closing? Sales of ugly plastic clogs are plummeting? Super Villain CEOs are whining at the press?

Can ticker-tape parades and joyous public pronouncements of thanksgiving be far behind?

The Official Beverly Feldman Blog!

Like most bad things, it began with a good idea.

Laskin is seeking $7 million from Crocs, who still refuses to put a warning label on their product, despite widespread reports of similar accidents.