Manolo’s Shoe Blog

Manolo says, Jack Nicholson wears Crocs!

Manolo says, the Robin Givhan of the Washington Post has spoken. Heed her wisdom.

Did someone say comfortable? Because this is a culture quick to justify wearing virtually anything in the name of comfort — pajama bottoms as pants, sneakers as business footwear, leggings in lieu of trousers, Uggs with miniskirts — Crocs now rival flip-flops as the most annoyingly omnipresent style of summer footwear. City streets are inundated with shuffling phalanxes of men and women with bright orange, yellow and red Bozo feet.

The shoes can look cute on children. But all those adults walking around in Crocs, going on about how comfortable they are, look like overgrown children. They are like the workday Peter Pans who carry backpacks in the city. Not grown-up leather backpacks, but the kind made of nylon with water bottles stuck inside a web of bungee cords and a canister of Bear Be Gone hanging off the side. They have mistaken their walk to the office for a climb to the summit of the Grand Tetons.

Why, oh why, must people assimilate perfectly reasonable, functional and cheeky sports attire into street clothes? Why couldn’t they keep their Crocs on the boat or in the garden?

Testify, Sister Robin, testify!

If this not enough to convince you that the Crocs are the abominations, perhaps you will listen to the Tim Gunn.

And if the combined weight of the Manolo, the Robin Givhan, and the Tim Gunn do not convince you that the Crocs should be avoided, you are perhaps beyond redemption.

P.S. Many thanks to the Manolo’s internet friends who sent him this important article.

Manolo says, the George Bush wears the Crocs! The Manolo is not the political person, but this is the last straw!

Manolo says, Ayyyyyyyyy! The final battle between good and evil is joined! To the barricades!

Crocs Inc., the maker of brightly hued plastic clogs, made a bold bid to expand its appeal Tuesday by unveiling a new line of women’s fashion footwear.

The introduction of the You by Crocs line of nine boots and shoes marks a departure for Crocs, which has logged meteoric sales growth from the popularity of its odd-looking, perforated shoes. The shoes — a hybrid of a sandal and a clog — are made of a plastic resin that wearers find both comfortable and light weight.

Among the most radical shifts for the You by Crocs line is the new arrivals’ retail price: $149 to $299 a pair. That’s far above the
$30 price on Crocs’s standard shoes. The new line includes eight wedge-heeled models and one lifted flat, each of which features a combination of leather, suede and lambs wool. Crocs’s plastic resin occupies only the soles of the new models. The You by Crocs line will be available from retailer and online this fall.

For the past several years, the Manolo has watched the gathering storm, as one terrible shoe fad after the next has crashed upon our peaceful fashion shores.

But, this was before the arrival of the odious Crocs, whose cheap and loathsome plastic have turned millions of otherwise respectable citizens into fashion zombies, besotted by the promise of “comfort” and the sweet smell of polystyrene resin.

Now, as the Manolo had long feared and predicted, the Croc super villains, hiding in their mountainous lair in the mythical land of Niwot, have deployed their ultimate weapon, the oxymoronic “Fashion Croc”, in the hope that they will bring those who have remained free under their plastic heel.

It is not tragedy enough that the lowly plastic peasant shoe Crocs are already being worn by the misguided Wal-Mart peoples in their sweat pants and NASCAR gear?

Must we now also endure the sight of the normal peoples wearing the so-called “Fashion Croc”?

¡No Pasarán! Shouts the Manolo, “They Shall Not Pass!”

Here we must draw the line, here we must defend that which we hold sacred!

Join the Manolo in speaking out against this abomination. Do not let your friends buy these shoes, and shun anyone who dares wear them on the street. Our greatest weapon is social pressure which much be applied liberally and forcefully.

Stop the Fashion Croc! ¡A Las Barricadas!

Manolo says, this image it is taken from the Crocaccidents, the very serious blog devoted to spreading the news that the Crocs are exceedingly dangerous.

If you are of the delicate constitution, you may wish to avoid the stories and pictures at this site. Let us just say that there are many graphic accounts of the poor little children who have had their toes ripped off while wearing the Crocs.

Just say no to having your child’s toe ripped off. Just say no to the Crocs.

Via the Manolo’s internet friends at the Latest Word

Manolo says, he has color coordinated the shoes and the tie with his facial hair.

Manolo says, the Crocs are not just the feetwear abominations, they may actually cause the death of the innocent bystanders!

A Swedish hospital wants to ban its staff from wearing Crocs plastic clogs, saying they generate static electricity that can knock out medical equipment.

Blekinge hospital in southern Sweden suspects the slip-on shoes, made by US firm Crocs Inc, are to blame for at least three incidents in which respirators and other machines malfunctioned. The mishaps caused no injuries.

Hospital spokesman Bjorn Lofqvist said staff wearing the clogs could turn into “a cloud of lighting” because of the static electricity.

So there you are, innocently lying in your oxygen tent barely hanging on to life, when the insensitive lout in the Crocs shuffles up and zaps you into the afterlife!

Manolo says, do not be the Angel of Death, do not wear the Crocs.

P.S. Many thanks to the many internet friends who emailed the Manolo this most important story.

Manolo says, yet one more reason to not wear the Crocs: Escalators!

As we were going down Sophia’s left shoe (pink crocs) got caught on the side of the escalator. None of us knew what was happening. Soph was yelling. We thought she was just excited about something she was seeing while going down. It happened so fast. I looked down and saw that her shoe was being EATEN by the crack between the escalator and side foot rail. She was screaming. I saw the little pink croc being gobbled up. It was one of those slow-motion moments.

Manolo says, despite the best efforts of the Manolo, the plague that is the Crocs is spreading!

They have invaded New Zealand, where the righteously outraged fashionistas have begun to do battle against this odious and life-sucking scourge.

The plastic horrors have taken the country by storm, but their popularity remains an enigma. Bulky, hole-filled and jellybean-coloured, they are not the height of footwear fashion.

“Crocs are ugly, they are hideous, they are disgusting,” railed Denise L’Estrange-Corbet, founder of Kiwi fashion label World. “They should actually have teeth in them that bite off the feet of anyone who wears them as punishment for having such bad fashion sense. I wouldn’t wear them if they were the last shoes on earth.”

L’Estrange-Corbet said the only thing good about the rubber monstrosities was their bright colours. “But they should be banned. If I were prime minister, that’s what I would do - ban Crocs.”

Auckland fashion designer Caroline Church puts it just as bluntly. “They’re dog ugly. They really are, but so are Jandals - people don’t look good in them, but they wear them anyway.”

The Manolo completely agrees with these sentiments.

Wait, Denise L’Estrange-Corbet? This name is familiar to the Manolo. Ah, now he remembers. Let us just say that if she and her husband do not like the Crocs, you who wear them are doomed.

And now this awful news. Not only are the Crocs invading New Zealand, but these “rubber monstrosities” have now appeared in Paris! Here is the excerpt from this day’s Wall Street Journal written by the Manolo’s old friend the Rachel Dodes (many apologies, the Manolo does not have the link, his internet the friend Tara sent the excerpt to him).

[O]n the Rue des Francs-Bourgeois, one of the main drags, there were some items in the window of a small shop that caused people to point and stare: Crocs, the unabashedly ugly brand of rubber garden clogs that have a cult following in the U.S. The shoes, in gold and orange, were shown paired with dainty dresses and chic leather jackets.

Crocs, which feature large holes in the front, have yet to become a sensation outside the U.S. “Everyone thinks this is crazy,” acknowledged Pascal Yefet, owner of the shop in Paris, which is called Sylk Production. Mr. Yefet claims to be the first person in France to attempt to sell the unusual footwear. After a year of negotiation, he purchased 800 pairs of Crocs in a rainbow of colors from Crocs Inc., the Niwot, Colo., company. The shoes retail for €49, or about $65. In the U.S. they can be purchased for $29.99.

If Mr. Yefet succeeds in drawing interest from French consumers, it could be a good sign for Crocs, which saw its stock almost triple since going public last year before a recent slide. The company has been rapidly expanding its offerings — such as a wedge heel and a rubber ballet flat — to avoid becoming a one-hit wonder.

Since opening the boutique in January, Mr. Yefet says he has sold about 100 pairs of Crocs, but that only 50% of the buyers are French. “I hope people see Crocs as something different,” says Mr. Yefet. “They are very comfortable.”

Mr. Yefet should hope that the outraged peoples of Paris do not throw the cobblestones through his windows and drag him into the street for the much deserved thrashing.

For all that is holy, peoples, do you not notice that when you put the Crocs upon your feets you instantly lose 63 IQ points and 27% of your physical attractiveness! It is the proven fact of science!

Manolo says, do not be the unattractive dummy, do not wear the Crocs.

Update! The super fantastic Rachel Dodes has forwarded the link to the story!