Archive for the 'Horrors' Category


Things That Make the Manolo Sad: Jimmy Choo Ugg

Monday, September 20th, 2010
By Manolo the Shoeblogger

Manolo says, for the example, the misbegotten offspring of the Jimmy Choo and the Uggs.

Jimmy Choo Ugg Mandah

Bedazzled!

Finally, two great tastes that go together like chocolate and lutefisk! Lime jello and the iron filings! Broken glass and bubble bath!

All of this can be yours for the low, low, price of only…


Strange Advertisements on the Blog of the Manolo

Tuesday, May 4th, 2010
By Manolo the Shoeblogger

Manolo says, one of the Manolo internet friends has sent the Manolo the note.

Dear Manolo,

I just wanted to let you know of the abomination on your ad space.

Your friend,

Sarah

They Just Won't Die.

Many thanks to the Sarah and the others who have alerted the the Manolo to this.

It is curious, no?

One would think that the people behind the Crocs would know how the Manolo feels about their ungainly, life-sapping, and horrifically unattractive product, for it is not as if the Manolo has made any secret of his feelings.

But, the Manolo’s position is that the Crocs are the legal product which, if you are not riding on the escalator or wrestling alligators, pose little physical threat to humans. (Of the course, the aesthetic threat is incalculable.) And thus the Manolo the Capitalist is not opposed to taking their advertising dollars.

Much more troubling to the Manolo is the frequent reappearance of the advertisements promoting the fake designer shoes, especially the fake Christian Louboutin shoes. Indeed, for nearly two years now, the Manolo has been waging the continual war against these criminals in his comments section and his banner advertising. And yet the fake ads continue to reappear, usually with the slightly different website or name. And the Manolo must again contact Google or Glam to get them to remove the new offender.

And so you may see, there are far worse things than the Crocs, which although ugly, have the virtue of honesty. They do not pretend to be anything other than what they are, which is why the Manolo does not mind their advertisement, even if he thinks the Crocs peoples are ultimately wasting their monies.


Danny DeVito: Worshipping at the Altar of Baal

Monday, April 19th, 2010
By Manolo the Shoeblogger

Danny DeVito, Style Icon

Manolo says, Crocs? One would think that the Prince of Lies would have some sort of dress code.


Crocs vs Gators

Monday, September 28th, 2009
By Manolo the Shoeblogger

Manolo says, once again, wearing cheap plastic feetwear almost results in death.

This past Monday, Diane was out house-hunting. She checked out a listing for a house that was interesting in part because it was close to a park. After looking at the house, Diane went over to the park to have a look at it, too. This was Sawgrass Lake Park in St. Petersburg, Florida, near I-275 and Gandy Boulevard. She took Ritka, our Vizsla, walking with her. Diane and Ritka were near the water’s edge at about 4:30 PM when Diane saw the water churn. She immediately called to Ritka and started moving away from the water. Ritka’s usual behavior is to run ahead, and that’s just what Ritka did. Diane, though, slipped on the slope and fell to her hands and knees, perhaps in part due to the slip-on “Crocs”-like shoes she was wearing at the time. The churning water was, indeed, a sign of a gator making a lunge, coming out of the water. The gator didn’t connect with anything on his first lunge, but he grabbed Diane’s left calf with his second lunge.

Ayyyy! Crocs vs. Gators!!! And the Gator is in the process of winning. Happily, everything works out moderately okay in the end.

Lesson: Do not be food for the alligator. Do not wear Crocs.

P.S. Thanks to the Manolo’s internet friend Carrie who writes: Not only will Crocs make you a victim of fashion, they will make you a victim of alligators. Which is funny because it is true!


Cash for Clogs

Monday, August 3rd, 2009
By Manolo the Shoeblogger

Manolo says, since the government is giving away the free money to the car buyers, perhaps it is time for the shoe industry to lobby for their own subsidy.

Thus the Manolo proposes the Cash for Clogs program.

Turn in your old Croc for destruction and receive the $10 gift certificate for the purchase of the new pair of beautiful shoes.

To state in graphic terms…turn in this monstrosity…

Radioactive Orange Crocs

Get this…

Sawbuck

Off of the price of something like this…
Tiara by Charles David   Manolo Likes!  Click!
The Tiara by Charles David. The prefect sort of summery replacement for the odious Croc.

Of the course, the government will have to immediately destroy the Croc, and set very tight restrictions on which shoes will be qualify for this proposed program. And naturally, the Manolo volunteers to do his patriotic duty by helping the bureaucrats set the proper standards of new footwear acceptability and beauty.

So, get to work, shoe industry lobbyists, and have Congress help us make the world the more beautiful place while stimulating the domestic shoe sales.


Ick!

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009
By Manolo the Shoeblogger

Manolo says, the Manolo is worried about the person who has purchased this eBay item.


The Rip Off Artists

Friday, July 17th, 2009
By Manolo the Shoeblogger

Manolo says, the Manolo has long and loudly campaigned against the phoney-baloney fake shoes (even those produced by supposedly reputable companies), but recently the brazenness of the counterfeit shoe crooks has been too much.

Thankfully, the word is getting around, and today there is the article in the New York Daily News about this very topic.

Killer Louboutin heels with that signature red sole for just $177, delivered to your door at 80% less than the $860 retail price.

Strappy Jimmy Choo sandals at $143.99, 64% less than the $395.99 value at the label’s Fifth Ave. store.
How to Spot the Fake Designer Shoe

Such are the boasts of flashy Web sites featuring red-carpet shots of J.Lo, Sarah Jessica Parker and Cameron Diaz in the wildly glamorous shoes. […]

It seems too good to be true – and it is.

Tens of thousands of online shoppers are falling for the latest variety of fakes flooding the Internet.

Despite ultra-convincing pictures and claims that the Web sites are run directly by the designers and the footwear is individually crafted in Europe, it’s a scam.

The goods are neither handmade nor exclusive. They are mass-produced in China.

The “leather” often smells of toxic chemicals, the “hand-stitching” is replicated by sewing machine, and the sizing is inaccurate.

Return the purchase and, on top of the cost of shipping, customers are subject to a “restocking” fee of up to 20%. Little wonder most swallow the disappointment and don’t bother to send them back.

If disappointment were the only result of the fraud, it wouldn’t make headlines. Who really cares about image-obsessed fashionistas being ripped off?

On closer examination, however, this international con has a devastating and far-reaching effect.

Child labor, money laundering, prostitution and terrorist activity go hand in hand with the counterfeit trade managed by criminal gangs.

For several months now, the Manolo has been waging the war against these evil people both in his comment section (where they spam the comments with their links) and in his banner ads (where their ads are delivered to his websites by Google Adsense). With effort, he has been able to keep them at bay.

Remember, when buying the luxury good, only do business with the reputable companies, either those with whom you are already familiar, or those who have been recommended to you by people you trust.

P.S. Thanks to the Manolo’s internet friend the Susan at the always informative Counterfeit Chic.


The Demise of the Croc

Thursday, July 16th, 2009
By Manolo the Shoeblogger

Manolo says, many, many, many of the Manolo’s internet friends have sent the Manolo the link to this story.

Crocs were born of the economic boom.

The colorful foam clogs appeared in 2002, just as the country was recovering from a recession. Brash and bright, they were a cheap investment (about $30) that felt good and promised to last forever. Former president George W. Bush wore them. Aerosmith lead singer Steven Tyler wore them. Your grandma wore them. They roared along with the economy, mocked by the fashion world but selling 100 million pairs in seven years.

Then the boom times went bust, and Crocs went to the back of the closet.
Radioactive Orange Crocs
The company had expanded to meet demand, but financially pressed customers cut back. Last year the company lost $185.1 million, slashed roughly 2,000 jobs and scrambled to find money to pay down millions in debt. Now it’s stuck with a surplus of shoes, and its auditors have wondered if it can stay afloat. It has until the end of September to pay off its debt.

“The company’s toast,” said Damon Vickers, who manages an investment fund at Nine Points Capital Partners in Seattle. “They’re zombie-ish. They’re dead and they don’t know it.”

On the one hand the Manolo wishes to shout, “Ding Dong, the Crocs are dead!”, and yet on the other of the hands, he feels very sorry for the many people who will be harmed by the consequent loss of employment. (Being the low level Croc employee is sort of like being one of the independent contractors building the Death Star.)

By the way, one reason for the demise of Crocs the Company? The toxic durability of their product.

But the shoes were hitting a saturation point; the problem with a nearly indestructible product is that shoppers rarely need to replace it.

[…]

Who needs a second pair of Crocs in a recession, particularly when the first pair is holding up just fine?

Indeed, who needs the first pair, recession or not?

However, once acquired, it appears that the Crocs are like radioactive waste: they have the lengthy half-life in your closet.


The Crocs Death Spiral

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009
By Manolo the Shoeblogger

Manolo says, far be it from the Manolo to engage in the unseemly gloating, but…

Crocs have been on a downward spiral for months now. Fashion people have rejoiced at the thought of Crocs — the bubonic plague of footwear — succumbing to the economy and dying out altogether in the foreseeable future. Earlier this month, the company reported a loss of $22.4 million in the first quarter (last year they only lost $4.5 million in that period). The outlook seemed dismal for Crocs yet bright for feet everywhere! But like so many unattractive fashion trends (high-wasted tapered pants, Arden Wohl headbands, leg warmers, scrunchies … ), Crocs are poised to survive, quite possibly flourish. In March they brought on John Duerden as president and CEO. Charged with turning the company around, he’s painfully optimistic.

I had probably dismissed it as a fad. I thought, this is not going to last, but as I began to look at the company, it became clear to me that there was a passionate group of consumers out there … I still believe there is a buzz out there in the marketplace; there are consumers who like the idea of Crocs shoes.

Oh. Good. Heavens. Duerden plans to recover from the losses by laying people off, refining Crocs’s signature injection-molded technology, and continuing global expansion in markets like Japan and Southeast Asia.

The Bubonic Plague of Footwear“? Ha!

Clearly the Manolo’s work here is almost done.


The Impending Demise of Crocs, Inc.

Friday, November 14th, 2008
By Manolo the Shoeblogger

Manolo says, far be it from the Manolo to take pleasure in the misfortunes of others, but….

Crocs Inc. shares plunged 45% Thursday, stumbling after the colorful sandal maker reported a whopping third-quarter loss and warned of further financial pain as it downsizes what was once a high-flying business to better match sharply reduced demand.

Happy days are here again, the sky o’er head is clear again!
The Crocs are dead this year, Amen! Happy days are here again!

P.S. Many thanks to the Manolo’s internet friend, Aaron, for this good news.


Store Window, Recoleta, Buenos Aires

Tuesday, October 7th, 2008
By Manolo the Shoeblogger

Manolo says, Ayyyyyyy, nooooooo! The snakes have entered the Garden of Eden!


LOLCrocs

Thursday, May 22nd, 2008
By Manolo the Shoeblogger

Manolo says, this picture, it proves that cats are sometimes smarter than peoples.

P.S. Many and profuse thanks to the Manolo’s many internet friends who sent him this.












Disclaimer: Manolo the Shoeblogger is not Manolo Blahnik
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Disclaimer: Manolo the Shoeblogger is not Mr. Manolo Blahnik. This website is not affiliated in any way with Mr. Manolo Blahnik, any products bearing the federally registered trademarks MANOlO®, BlAHNIK® or MANOlO BlAHNIK®, or any licensee of said federally registered trademarks. The views expressed on this website are solely those of the author.






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