MAR
2006
11

Deluded

Manolo says, look, the calculating hippie devils behind the Birkenstocks, they enjoy the abuse heaped upon them by the peoples of sensibility and style.

“Nothing says, ‘I want to tell you how to live your life’ more than Birkenstocks,” said Jason Reitman, the director of the film, which is to open in New York, Los Angeles and Washington on Friday. “The visual registers immediately. There’s something about the shoe that is universally understood that makes it so funny.” The sandals are emblems of liberal do-gooderness, he said, and the senator — a villain in the movie — wants to “regulate the world.”

Though real Birkenstock wearers may come in all political persuasions, using the sandal to represent the pushier side of liberalism is a long-running joke. As it turns out, Birkenstock doesn’t mind at all.

“He’s wearing the Vermont costume,” Scott Radcliffe, the marketing director at Birkenstock Distribution USA, said of Mr. Macy’s character. Mr. Radcliffe said that the “Birkenstock-wearing, granola-crunching, Volvo-driving fill-in-the blank stereotype” emerged in the broader culture without any doing on the company’s part. The company finds it entertaining, he said, that the sandals have reached the kind of status that qualifies them for movie close-ups, even disparaging ones.

“To me a Birkenstock fan looks at that, laughs and is not alienated,” he said.

To me, the Manolo, the person who looks at the Birkenstock and is not horrified is the person who cannot be trusted.

But, chacun à son goût, everyone has the right to look as stupid as he or she chooses.

P.S. Many thanks to the Manolo’s old friend the Wayne for the link to this story.

JAN
2006
25

Ragnarok!

Manolo says, Ayyyyyyy! It is the final much foretold convergence of evil…Lagerfeld in Uggs!

NOV
2005
24

The Crocs Go Public

Manolo says, the Manolo he has been quoted in the Colorado Springs Independent regarding the hideousness that is the Crocs, and this on the eve of the company’s offering the public the stock.

The shoe may have its B list of celebrity devotees — Graham Nash, Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Garner and her main squeeze, Ben “Kiss of Death” Affleck — but there also are plenty of fashionistas decrying the whole plastic-shoe fad and hoping it will go away soon.

Crocs are the latest atrocity to be added to Manolo the Shoe Blogger’s “Gallery of the Horrors,” a collection of some of the ugliest shoes of all time (shoeblogs.com/horrors.html). They’re right up there with Uggs (“the only peoples who should be wearing this boot are the preteen girls who love the Hello Kitty”), the Birkenstock Boston (“looks like it was put together by the blind medieval monks, for wear by the peasants of the mud”) and the Dansko Teton (“glorified, heavy-duty house slippers”). But Manolo seems particularly offended by the popular rationale for Crocs, since it implies that style and comfort are incompatible: “Why must the ‘comfort’ always be the war cry of those who would lead us into the bad shoes?”

The fashion mavens’ aversion to Crocs isn’t merely an aesthetic problem for the company. If, as Manolo suggests, Crocs are a bad idea that should be discarded on the ash heap of shoe history, if they are the next Uggs, then that makes the effort to take the company public a bit gamier than the usual IPO. Among the “risk factors” Crocs notes in its SEC filings are the company’s relatively short history, its reliance on a small product line and the fickleness of the shoe-buying public.

Fickleness of the public, indeed! If it had been left up to the Manolo, the baby Crocs they would have been strangled in their cradle.

Irregular Choice

Manolo says, the Manolo’s internet friend the Spirit Fingers she is threatening the legal action against the makers of the Irregular Choice shoes.

Of the course, the Manolo, he could be called as the expert witness, as he spoke of the Irregular Choice shoes nearly the year ago. The final judgement of the Manolo? “Far too Hello Kitty.”

OCT
2005
14

Expensive and Ugly

Gianfranco Ferre G5819

Manolo says, Ayyyyyy! There are so many of the things that are wrong with this boot, not the least of the which is the price.

Gallery of the Fugly Shoes

Manolo says, the Manolo’s internet friends, the Dolce Divas they have put up their own Gallery of the Horrors, and the Manolo he is in the complete agreement.

SEP
2005
26

The Gallery of the Horrors: The Sweat

Manolo says, the Manolo he has finally added the new horror to the Gallery of the Horrors, the Sweat from the Steve Madden.


Steve Madden - Women's Sweat   Manolo Hates!  Do Not Click!

Manolo says, here you see one of the more lamentable fashion statements of this the new millenium, the Steve Madden’s “Sweat”.

Yes, it is named, the Sweat. Most descriptive, no?

Does the name and the shoe not conjure up the mental image of the three-hundred pound man-child, shuffling down the street in the filthy pajamas, clutching at the half masticated piece of the pizza?

Yet, what is most unaccountable is that this shoe it is intended as the stylish casual shoe for the young womens, and indeed the Manolo he has on more than one of the occasions seen this shoe on the foot of the otherwise sane seeming person. Why? Why would someone wear the shoe that looks like the slipper that belongs on the foot of the mental patient?

Why? Why? Why?

JUL
2005
16

From the Archives of the Manolo: The Cheap and the Ugly

Manolos says, the Manolo he is often asked the question, “Manolo, what sort of the shoe should I absolutely not wear?”

This question, it is so easy to answer. Under no of the circumstances should you ever wear the ugly shoes or the cheap shoes.

The Manolo, he knows that the temptation for the cheap shoes, it is great. What with the rent and the foods and the many different bills, you are finding it difficult to get by on what “the man” he pays you.

So, you are the shopping when you see these boots, selling for under fifty of the dollars.

Gabriella Rocha - Hedy (Black) - Women's   Manolo Does Not Like!   Do Not Click!

Yes it is the knee-length boot, in the black. It’s not the best looking boot, but you only have fifty of the dollars, and like all of the super fantastic girls you need the boots in the black knee-length, so you ask the shopgirl to get it for you in the your size.

Manolo shouts, NOOOooooo!

Do not, under any of the circumstances, give in to the temptation and buy this boot!

It is the cheap, cheap, cheap, manufactured in the China with the plastic and the leather made from the roadkilled pets! It will not fit properly, it will fall apart quickly, and it looks only okay, not the super fantastic.

Manolo says, you will always regret the purchasing of the cheap shoes.

Manolo he reminds you that the cheap it is different from the inexpensive, from the bargain. Who does not love the bargain? The bargain, it is the classic, super fantastic shoe at the good price.

The cheap it is the the awful shoe at any price.

Manolo says, the second sort of shoe you should never consider the wearing of, is the ugly shoe.

Birkenstock Boston Microfiber   Manolo Hates!  Do Not Click!

The Manolo he does not need to say any more.

MAY
2005
24

Say No to the Ugg

Manolo says, notice the man in the lower left hand corner. His response, the look of bemused disgust, it is the correct one.

The Shoes of the Goat Vomit

Manolo says, the Manolo’s internet friend the Elayne, she has the doleful tale about owning one of the ugliest pairs of the shoes the Manolo he has ever seen.

MAR
2005
28

The Birkenstock Nairobi

Birkenstock - Nairobi (Black/White) - Women's

Manolo says, somewhere out there, in the land of the ill-shod, is the deluded person who has paid $385 of the American dollars to put this on her feets.

The Manolo he can only weep at such error, especially when he considers that the same moneys it will buy this with the change left over.

FEB
2005
18

The Crocs

Manolo says, many of the Manolo’s internet friends they have been sending the Manolo the letters asking about The Crocs, which they are apparently, the “hot” trend in the footwear for the lazy person.

Crocs - Beach (Light Blue) Manolo Does Not Like!
Manolo says, this above it is the shoe for the man. Notice how it differs from the shoe for the woman, below.
Crocs - Beach (Light Blue) Manolo Does Not Like!
Manolo says, exactly. They are the same shoe!

The Crocs people they seem to belive that the womens and the mens they deserve the exact same shoe.

Perhaps, this it will be true in the socialist utopia of the future when the differences between the genders they have been eliminated by the selective breeding, but not yet. We, happily, still live in the world where the shoes for the man and the shoe for the woman they are different.

Yet, in the fact, the Crocs people they are not only stubborn in their misguided insistance on leveling the differences between the sexes, but they are stubborn in their unstylishness.

These they are indeed the shoes of a hypothetical distopian future, one in which the inmates they must be dressed in the footwear least likely to be useful in the popular uprising against the regime.

Yes, the defenders of the Crocs they will speak, as the defenders of the ugly often do, of the great comfort of this “shoe”. Manolo asks you, why must the “comfort” always be the war cry of those who would lead us into the bad shoes?

Manolo says, comfort and style they are not incompatable, one does not obviate the other.

Finally, the defenders of the Crocs they will tell you that the Crocs they cost only $35, which seems cheap, until one realizes that they are manufactured out of the plastic rings used to hold the packs of six. Not the good value at half the price.

For these reasons, the Manolo he has consigned the Crocs to the Gallery of the Horrors

P.S. Here is someone who differs with the Manolo on the matter of the Crocs.