Manolo says, it is Tuesday and you are back at your desk, after what turned out to be the relatively sedated Halloween. Yes there were the usual parade of visitors, this year gravely disappointed that your man Gary, he of the elaborate annual Halloween displays, did not celebrate the occasion in his usual over-the-top style.

It was in May, when you first noticed that something was amiss, that Gary had not closed off the garage and converted it into his laboratory, the sort of Halloween DARPA, where he has traditionally begun to test the fanciful ideas for his annual extravaganza. (Who can forget the year when he built the full-sized pirate ship with cannons that fired candy?)

“Gary,” you asked one Saturday in early June, “why haven’t you begun the preparations for Halloween? Aren’t you doing it this year?”

“I thought I’d give it a break,” he answered somewhat morosely.

You did not say anything, you just dropped the matter. And why would you not? In the first place, Gary not doing Halloween would save you several thousand of the dollars in materials. And in the second place, you suspected that Gary was suffering from the mild case of PHSD, Post Halloween Stress Disorder, and needed time to recover from the traumatic events of last year.

In the effort to outdo himself, Gary had built the alien spaceship, from which were emerging the be-tentacled green invaders, the first of whom was busily stripping the flesh from the corpse, with one surprised skeleton already lying nearby (Bony Bob in the supporting role).

Everyone agreed it the greatest display yet, and the sound track, complete with theremin music (recorded by Gary in his makeshift home studio), was indeed most spooky. Unfortunately, Gary had failed to properly ground the lighting system which illuminated the interior of the flying saucer. You know this, because the fire marshal said it was probably the loose wire which had heated the styrofoam to the point of combustion.

By the time Gary was able to retrieve the extinguisher from the garage, the flames had leaped into the autumny leaves of that tall larch by the driveway, and from there, onto the fabric of the car cover Gary had placed over his most prized possession, the 1972 Camero Z28 in yellow and black. (The car had been parked beneath the larch tree because Gary needed room in the garage for his Halloween experiments.)

After the fire company went home around 1:30AM, Gary retreated into the Gary Cave and did not emerge until late afternoon the next day.

All he said was, “Let us never speak of this day again.”

Look, spooky suede Alexander McQueen shoes!


Too bad the Halloween has already past, because these designer shoes could become the basis of your own personal Halloween extravaganza!

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

I am planning on showing solidarity with Occupy Wall Street this weekend and I am looking for a shoe that shows I am “of” the 99%, yet is stylish to be worn later in the evening to a casual cocktail party. What could you recommend?

Briana

Manolo says, ayyyy! This is the sort of question the Manolo dreads, in which the petitioner hopes to find the single pair of the shoes suitable for wearing to the two wildly different events.

For the example, “Dear Manolo, my new boyfriend, Clem, has finally agreed to go to see La Traviata, on the condition that we stop by his father’s shack on the way to the opera house to witness a traditional rural event known as a “hog killin’”. What would you recommend?”

The Manolo would recommend the new boyfriend, but, if such is not possible, then he would recommend packing your good clothing and nice shoes in the double-thickness plastic bags and changing into them later in the Stop-n-Go restroom.

In this case, however, given the reports of the poor sanitation at the OWS encampments and the possibility of rioting, the Manolo would recommend the wearing of the sturdy, thick-soled boots, but since his friend is going to the cocktail party afterward, she will have to take your chances with something slightly more refined. Here is the Nalanni from Ted Baker, the platform lace-up bootie that will keep you both radically chic and out of the muck.

Manolo says, today is the feast day of the dual patrons of this blog, the Saints Crispin and Crispian, the saintly shoemakers, and the Manolo’s own objects of personal devotion, as recounted in the Manolo’s brief work, the Consolation of the Shoes.

And now, after the lighting of the devotional candles, it is time for our annual recitation of The Shoemakers, the greatest of the poems of John Greenleaf Whittier (himself, briefly the shoemaker).

Ho! workers of the old time styled
The Gentle Craft of Leather
Young brothers of the ancient guild,
Stand forth once more together!
Call out again your long array,
In the olden merry manner
Once more, on gay St. Crispin’s day,
Fling out your blazoned banner!

Rap, rap! upon the well-worn stone
How falls the polished hammer
Rap, rap! the measured sound has grown
A quick and merry clamor.
Now shape the sole! now deftly curl
The glossy vamp around it,
And bless the while the bright-eyed girl
Whose gentle fingers bound it!

For you, along the Spanish main
A hundred keels are ploughing;
For you, the Indian on the plain
His lasso-coil is throwing;
For you, deep glens with hemlock dark
The woodman’s fire is lighting;
For you, upon the oak’s gray bark,
The woodman’s axe is smiting.

For you, from Carolina’s pine
The rosin-gum is stealing;
For you, the dark-eyed Florentine
Her silken skein is reeling;
For you, the dizzy goatherd roams
His rugged Alpine ledges;
For you, round all her shepherd homes,
Bloom England’s thorny hedges.

The foremost still, by day or night,
On moated mound or heather,
Where’er the need of trampled right
Brought toiling men together;
Where the free burghers from the wall
Defied the mail-clad master,
Than yours, at Freedom’s trumpet-call,
No craftsmen rallied faster.

Let foplings sneer, let fools deride,
Ye heed no idle scorner;
Free hands and hearts are still your pride,
And duty done, your honor.
Ye dare to trust, for honest fame,
The jury Time empanels,
And leave to truth each noble name
Which glorifies your annals.

Thy songs, Hans Sachs, are living yet,
In strong and hearty German;
And Bloomfield’s lay, and Gifford’s wit,
And patriot fame of Sherman;
Still from his book, a mystic seer,
The soul of Behmen teaches,
And England’s priestcraft shakes to hear
Of Fox’s leathern breeches.

The foot is yours; where’er it falls,
It treads your well-wrought leather,
On earthen floor, in marble halls,
On carpet, or on heather.
Still there the sweetest charm is found
Of matron grace or vestal’s,
As Hebe’s foot bore nectar round
Among the old celestials.

Rap, rap!–your stout and bluff brogan,
With footsteps slow and weary,
May wander where the sky’s blue span
Shuts down upon the prairie.
On Beauty’s foot your slippers glance,
By Saratoga’s fountains,
Or twinkle down the summer dance
Beneath the Crystal Mountains!

The red brick to the mason’s hand,
The brown earth to the tiller’s,
The shoe in yours shall wealth command,
Like fairy Cinderella’s!
As they who shunned the household maid
Beheld the crown upon her,
So all shall see your toil repaid
With hearth and home and honor.

Then let the toast be freely quaffed,
In water cool and brimming,–
“All honor to the good old Craft,
Its merry men and women!”
Call out again your long array,
In the old time’s pleasant manner
Once more, on gay St. Crispin’s day,
Fling out his blazoned banner!

Finally, scenes of the Gentle Craft, as practiced at the atelier of Louis Vuitton.

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post

Dear Manolo,

I would like to find some black sneakers that I can walk and do tai chi in, yet still convey a modicum of chic. Is it possible to be chic in sneakers?

Katie

Manolo says, the Manolo tried the tai chi once, and indeed and found it to be pleasantly revivifying, what with the sugar, and the milk, and the cardamom.

Oh, wait. Perhaps that was the chai tea.

Well, whatever. The healthful cup of tea and the brisk strolling along the boulevards of the city are about as far as the Manolo is willing to go in the way of the exotic health regimes. Certainly, he would never spend the hour in the park moving ponderously from the “Distended Crane” to the
“Perturbed Ostrich” pose, and back again.

But, to each her own, yes? And if the Manolo’s friend, and millions of Chinese grannies, find such things to be helpful, than who is the Manolo to object to them?

As for the sneaker chic, the Manolo would send his friend to the country that invented the chic, or at least the word “chic”, France.

Here in black is the Tennis Elastique from Bensimon, the classic tennis shoe of French ladies, now available in the United States from the Bensimon website. There you will find the lace-up version, and the much wider range of colors.

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

In mid-November, I’m attending a wedding in Montreal. I’ve already got my shoes for the ceremony and the reception picked out, however, I need something both stylish and warm to wear around town, while I’m there. What do you suggest?

Meryl

Manolo says, the last time the Manolo visited Quebec, it was the few years ago, in the February, when the weather was clear, beautiful and freezingly cold, with the outside temperature hovering somewhere around seven thousand degrees below zero.

Of the course, this did not dissuade the Quebecois from racing their mobiles of snow through the woods at all hours of the day, wide-open throttle in one hand, semi-frozen Molsen beer in the other.

But such hardy outdoor pastimes are not for the Manolo. who, like the iguana, is the warm weather creature, one which prefers basking himself on the rock in the sun to having parts of his nose fall off from the icy bite of Señor Jack Frost.

But, to each his own, eh? Far be it from the Manolo to suggest that people who race snowmobiles and voluntarily eat the cheese-curd-gravy-and-french-fried dish known as poutine may in some way be slightly off.

Here is the Aprelle from Ugg, the wedge-heeled shearling boot that will keep you looking good and feeling warm until spring.

Manolo says it is Tuesday and you are back at your desk doing that thing…you know, that thing.. with the computer and the performance memos and the shouting boss who is the female version of the Lou Grant, all gruff on the outside, and but filled with the marshmallow creme on the inside (which, frankly, does not sound all that appealing, but at this stage of the career, you will take what you can get.)

Back in the day, when you were leaving the college and entering the force of working, you were so excited. It was like the adventure, to be earning your first paycheck, and you were the spunky, brave, beautiful heroine, the working-girl Cinderella, part debutant, part warrior queen.

…and now, after 20 years of the hard labor, you would settle with being recognized as one of Cinderella’s least unattractive step-sisters, the slightly prettier and less mean Drizella.

“Cindy, why don’t you go to the ball in my place. Don’t worry, I can take care of those fireplace ashes for you.”

And for the majority of us, no longer the protagonists in our own stories, this is the best for which we can hope: to be the attendant lady, one that will do to swell the progress, start the scene or two, advise the princess.

Sigh…

Look Beautiful fairy tale shoes, the Glitter Pumps from Miu Miu!

Ayyyy! Perhaps the story is not yet written. Maybe this is just the lull between the acts, or the brief stutter step in the epitasis, and you are on the brink of the momentous change, and you will be forced to overcome impossible challenges and rise to your ultimate triumph!

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

I would be happy to wear cruelty-free shoes when possible, but I can’t find many non-ugly ones except for my Converse Chuck Taylors. I love my Chucks, but their usage is limited. I would also like to find out if any of the newer “vegan leathers” can be used to create a super-fantastic shoe. In my experience, fake leather is sweaty plastic ick that cracks and peels. I know about Stella McCartney’s vegan shoes, but they’re way out of my price range. Can you help out a shoe-lover who would like to transition to a leather-free wardrobe where possible?

Jill

Manolo says the short answer is no, the Manolo is of little or no help when it comes to finding the good-looking vegan shoes.

And, the long answer, it is also no, or perhaps nooooooooo.

Finding the vegan shoes that are both stylish and not made from the recycled plastic waste is one of the most impossible of tasks.

It is because, from the beginning of time, leather has always been the material most perfectly suited for the shoes. It is inexpensive,
handsome, pliable, durable, moderately weatherproof, and capable of being worked into beautiful and practical forms.

But, the Manolo understands that there are those who object to the manner in which the leather is obtained, and so here is the Key West, the good-looking sandal from the vegan shoe specialist olsenHaus, the shoes which may be what you are looking for.

N.B. Our friend the Sarah, who wrote brilliantly about shoes and sin, is back with more sad news.

Elvis’s first single was “Heartbreak Hotel.” The first track on his first studio album was “Blue Suede Shoes.” This cannot possibly be a coincidence. Elvis clearly knew that when you purchase a pair of suede shoes you might as well book yourself an overnight stay at the Heartbreak Hotel. Why else would he have so enthusiastically adopted the lyrics to Carl Perkins’s hit, immortalizing forever the warning, “Don’t you step on my blue suede shoes.”

The Shoes of the Blue Suede, belonging to The King

The Shoes of the Blue Suede, belonging to The King

It’s possible that somewhere, some tormented graduate student has worked up an analysis of the lyrics of “Blue Suede Shoes” and argued that the song is, at heart, not so much a warning about the shoes as it is about protecting the singer’s masculinity, or identity, or coolness. That graduate student has obviously never owned a pair of suede shoes.

My mother had a pair. They were lovely. Black suede pumps with a scalloped edging and a delicately curved high heel that was at least an inch higher than the shoes she wore for work. We knew they were special because she kept them in a box on the highest shelf of her closet and, unlike every other pair of shoes she owned, we were never allowed to try them on.

Naturally, I conceived an instant desire for suede shoes of my very own.

I have them now. In fact, I have several pairs of suede shoes. I even have a pair of blue suede shoes. (And honey, stay offa my shoes!) And here is what I have learned, despite eschewing the temptations offered by a pair of pale pink suede Betsey Johnson Mary Janes with 5 inch heels in favor of the far more practical black suede Betsey Johnson Mary Janes with 5 inch heels:

1. You cannot wear suede shoes in the summer. Fashion crime.

2. You cannot wear suede shoes in the spring. Marginally less significant fashion crime. Also, it’s going to rain.

3. You probably should not wear suede in the fall. It’s going to rain. All month. And next month too.

4. You dare not wear suede in the winter. It’s going to rain. And snow. And also sleet. And there will be road salt. Also de-icing chemicals.

Suede shoes—at least for those of us poor mortals who live in the Midwest and must trip the light fantastic toe through separate and equally inclement seasons—can never be worn at all.

And if that does not break the hearts of the friends of the Manolo, I cannot think that they have any hearts at all.

Manolo says, from Aquinas:

Pulchritudo non habet rationem appetibilis nisi inquantum induit rationem boni: Sic enim et verum appetibile est: Sed secundum rationem propriam habet claritatem

Our friend Ecco says that this is Aquinas’s proof that beauty, goodness, and truth are “equivalent and convertible”.

But, the Manolo does not need the Aquinas, nor the Ecco, to know this.

All the humble shoeblogger must do to understand that truth and beauty and goodness are the same is gaze upon this…

The pointy-toed suede snkle boot from the Maestro Manolo Blahnik.

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear the Manolo,

I would like to ask for your expert advice and opinion. I bought a pair of tight-fit blue jeans and I need a nice pair of brown or black kneehigh (or a bit lower) walking boots that are comfortable, orthopaedic, and at the same time stylish to wear with them. I want to wear them for years and years and still love them.

Olivia

Manolo says, this word “orthopaedic”, it is to the shoe connoisseur what the garlic-dipped crucifix is to the vampire, the object of loathing and terror.

How could it be otherwise?

To be the devoted lover of the shoes is to invest our emotions in the objects of beauty and impracticality. The Louboutin with the four inch heels can never be orthopaedic. It is simply impossible. They are as water and oil.

And, yet, because we are not the vampires, but merely people of aesthetic discernment, we must sympathize with those who cannot wear the beautiful and impractical shoes.

To have the painful feets is the greater curse, and so the Manolo as the man of feeling and humanity, must master his revulsion for orthopaedia and help these poor peoples in their time of needs.

Yes, it is true, the Manolo is the humanitarian.

Look! Here is the Stefanie from La Canadienne, the knee-high boot that is not only stylish and comfortable (perhaps even orthopaedic) but also weather proof, just in time for the autumn.

Manolo says, clearly, we are in the late-decadent phase of our culture…

The Strass Wedge from the Alexander McQueen, which looks remarkably like the 16th century Venetian chopine.

Manolo says, it is Monday and is it just the Manolo, or has the entire world gone cuckoo nuttybar crazy?

Look! Beautiful and interesting shoes…

These strappy denim wedge sandals from the Alexandre Birman are the sort of shoe that you would perhaps at first scorn, thinking to yourself, “Denim? Where would I wear these,”

Only months later, while sitting at your desk daydreaming about things more personally consequential than your job, you would realize that they were the most popular shoes in your closet, capable of being worn more things than you could ever have imagined.