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Manolo the Columnist: Georgia from Sam Edelman

Manolo say, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

Now that the Fourth of July is over and my two weeks of vacation are finished, I need some snazzy sandals to cheer me up. Something not too costly. Please help.

Brianna

Manolo says, yes it is true, the saddest days of adulthood are those hot days of summer when your annual vacation has ended and you are stuck back inside at the place of the office, working for The Man. Your first morning back is tolerable because it is filled with the bustle of work and the entertainment of catching up on the office gossip. The second day, Tuesday, however, is when you realize the sadness begins.

For the first eighteen years of your existence your summers were filled with utopic months of freedom from responsibility and schoolwork. Your school and it’s disciplinarian, Mr. Wegnogson, the evil vice principal who was the bane of your youthful existence, and whom your current supervisor vaguely resembles, were weeks away in either direction.

Of the course, things were not so easy for your mother who, whenever the summers rolled around and you and your brothers were loosed from governmental supervision, seemed to always be pulling out the bottle of “cooking wine for pasta sauce”, usually just before she pushed all of you out into the backyard and locked the door, often for the full afternoon.

Look! Here is the Georgia from Sam Edelman. The snazzy golden sandals that are on the sale!

Georgia sandals from Sam Edelman

Manolo the Columnist: Cole Haan Air Bria Thong Sandals

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

For the afternoon of the Fourth of July, my husband and I are doing a big family-and-friends picnic in our backyard, followed by the obligatory trip down to see the fireworks. Given the amount of time I’ll be on my feet, I know I should probably be wearing sneakers, but I’d prefer sandals. Please help.

Marie

Manolo says, ayyyy! The Manolo loves the Fourth of the July, with the fireworks and the picnics, and the friends, and the warm potato salad and the cold beers, but especially the fireworks. Many cheers and “good-job-well-dones” to the peoples who have invented and perfected the things that explode in the air but do not kill us.

The Manolo regards the fireworks as one of the pinnacles of human achievement, right up next to the indoor plumbing and the safety pin. Such genius to take the substance designed for destruction and convert it into the article of beauty and delight. Indeed, the fireworks displays are the one conspicuous and universal occasion when the adults are encouraged to express the childlike amazement at the world, when we profoundly wish to be surprised and awed by what comes next. And, because the fireworks are rarely exploded, only the Fourth of the July and other occasions of great joy, they retain their ability to delight us when so many other pleasures have become mundane and common.

As for the summery sandals of comfort, the Manolo recommends the Air Bria Thong Sandal from the Cole Haan, in the perfectly appropriate color known as “gunsmoke”.

Cole Haan Air Bria Thong Sandal

Viktor & Rolf Sandals for the Tuesday

Manolo says, it is Tuesday and you are back at your desk furiously resenting the fact that you are not away from your desk…not away from your desk doing those thing that you do during your summer vacation.

Unfortunately, this year, yet again, you were out on the day that the vacation roster was passed around in your office, and when you returned the only days that were left were in late August, after the school had started. And when you complained about this to the the Big Boss Man, Mr. Slorthnig, you were offered the two weeks in early June, before the school had ended.

Happily, with the little jiggery-pokery involving swapping days with two other members of the staff, Ditzy Daisy and Jimbo Simpson, it all worked out in the end, and you were able to take off one week at the end of July and the part of the second at the beginning of October, the remainder of the days to be traded to the Cleveland office for the late round draft pick.

Still, such solutions do not make for the happy you, for now you must work until the late Thursday afternoon, and will thus be unable to make it upstate to the in-laws lake house in time for their giant, annual, Fourth of The July Spectacular, featuring the bootleg South Carolina fireworks and the homemade rum punch. (Your husband and son are especially unhappy, both having planned on this year blowing something up real good.)

Worse of all, you will now be forced to attend your local fireworks display, put on by the well-meaning but underfunded Kiwanis club, and attended by many peoples who would ordinarily be at home watching the Maury Povich Show and cooking meth in the 2-liter soda bottle. But, such are the sacrifices you are willing to make for colorful explosions and the smell of cordite.

What is clearly needed now are some fireworks for the frets, and so here are the beautiful, silver, strappy flat sandals from the Viktor and Rolf!

Strappy Sandals from Viktor and Rolf

And, look, they are on the sale! 50% off the usual price!

Manolo the Columnist: Lillit from Loeffler Randall

Manolo says, here is the recent column of the Manolo for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

After yet another disastrous romance with a handsome but loutish young man, I’ve decided to swear off dating for the next few weeks. To see me through this cleansing ordeal, and to prepare me for the eventual arrival of the next Prince Almost-Charming, can you please suggest some shoes that will cheer me up?

Alexis

Manolo says, yes it is true what they say, men are from Mars and women are from Neiman Marcus! For the man, the typical reaction to the romantic rejection is to go out with the backslapping buddies, have the beer or twelve, and try again with the next young woman who flounces into view.

For the typical woman, however, the best reaction is to go on the shopping spree, something of which the Manolo wholeheartedly approves. After all, is it not better to fall in love with the perfect pair of super fantastic new shoes, than to sit at home on the beanbag chair, chugging down the endless pints of Caramel-Choco-Chunk-Banana-Nut Buddy ice cream, while weeping into your Twitter account? (Not that there is anything wrong with the ice cream, but as with all mind-altering substances it is best used in moderation.)

As for what sort of shoes would be best for alleviating the pain of the chronic Disappointment in Love Syndrome, the Manolo thinks these bright blue kittenish heeled sandals, the Lillit from the Loeffler Randall will act as the mild anti-depressive antidote to what ails you.

Lillit Sandal from Loeffler Randall

Manolo the Columnist: Vagibu by Manolo Blahnik

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo

Spring has sprung and my thoughts are turning to a sexy-but-not-too-bare cage sandal (bootie). I’d like to find something in a bronze or gold, but would consider beige as well. The problem is, most have heels 4″ or more, and I can’t go over 3″. Help!

Kelly

Manolo says, ayyyy! This is one of those insoluble questions, of the sort that the Manolo occasionally receives from his many friends.

“Manolo, can you find me the pair of super-sexy, strappy comfort sandals in which I may climb the Mountain of Kilimanjaro? I should mention that afterwards there will be the reception at the Palace of Buckingham where my fiancé, whom I shall refer to by the initials Prince H., will introduce me to his grandparents, so it would be good if these shoes were made of the stain-resistant, micro-fiber unobtainium in the color such lavender or peach, as I will not have enough time in the helicopter to change. Also, I am somewhat budget conscious, so if it is possible, could we keep the price under $17?”

Actually, the question of the Kelly is not so bad. It is difficult because the cage sandals are the latest iteration of “the sexy ‘it’ shoe”, and the “sexy ‘it’ shoe” always requires the high heel. The cage sandals are not meant to be practical, they are meant to say “this women is so bursting with sexiness that her very feets must be constrained by her shoe, lest they wreak havoc on the unaccompanied PGA golfers and Silicon Valley billionaires.”

Here is the Vagibu Cage Sandals from the maestro Manolo Blahnik. It has the four-inch heel and is wildly expensive. But, even if you cannot wear it or afford it, it is still most beautiful to look at, no?

Blahnik Vagibu Cage Sandals

Manolo the Columnist: Red Carpet Kelli from E! Live

Manolo says, here is the latest column of the Manolo for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

My junior prom is coming up, and I’ve decided that rather than look like a Disney fairy princess or a high-class prostitute I want to try to be more elegant and restrained in a little black dress that’s not too short. I need some shoes that add color, and because I’m in high school so money is an issue.

Sophie

Manolo says, ayyyy! How well the Manolo remembers his own high school prom at the Our Lady of the Flaming Spleen Country Day School (whose motto remains “The wrathful word turneth away evil”). As expected the Manolo turned out in his finest finery, the frock coat, striped trousers, silken waistcoat, top hat, spats and his finest walking stick, which, the truth be told, was not that different from what he normally wore to school each day.

Because the Manolo was the fashion reporter for the school newspaper, it was his job to stand on the red carpet and interview the most splendiferous couples as they arrived in the rented limousines, dressed in the ill-fitting tuxedos and polyester hoochie-mama gowns.

“Ayyy! You look fabulous darling. Who is this you are wearing? Fernando of Tulsa? It is smashing, this combination of rhinestones and pink rayon!”

Here is the Red Carpet Kelli from the E! Live, in the gold metallic that will enliven the simple black dress in the exactly correct way to distinguish one from the crowd.

Red Carpet Kelli

Manolo the Columnist: Laurance Cage Sandals from Christians Louboutin

Dear Manolo,

Not only is weather here abominable, but worse my boyfriend won’t be able to get back from Atlanta in time for Valentine’s Day. Can you please, please suggest some shoes that will cheer me up.

Monica

Manolo says, just the mere two weeks ago, the Manolo was mocking the apocalyptic prognostications of the weather people, and now, ayyyyy! The real Snowpocalypse his finally here! And now, the Manolo is regretting his insouciance.

Although, one must admit that it that the current situation is very much like the fairy tale of the Weatherboy who cried Winter Storm Wolf. If every little flurry of flakes is greeted with the shouts of panicked trepidation, then when the real storms of ice arrive we all be out on the roads, where we will encounter the fellow drivers who have only recently arrived from exotic places such as Equatorial Guinea and Miami, where ice is merely theoretical.

At that point, after you have abandoned your car in the ditch along side the road and are trudging home through three miles of ice and snow in your flip-flops, because you had rushed out at the last minute to buy the extra feathers for your down comforter, you will be drawing up elaborate plans of revenge on the entire class of weather people, involving ice floes, arctic seas and the hungry, hungry polar bears.

Look! Here is the Laurence leather cage, lace-up sandals from the Christian Louboutin, in the beautiful riviera blue, because, of the course, the French Riviera is where you would rather be.

Laurance Cage Sandals from Louboutin

Manolo the Columnist: Clayton from Joie

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for he Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

I’m very tall, 5’11” to be specific, and for most of my life (I’m now 29) I’ve avoided wearing heels so that I don’t tower over others in the crowd. However, I’ve decided that I’m now confident enough to try to look a little more glamorous when I go out. What would you recommend? How high is too high a heel?

Michelle

Manolo ask, how high the heel? The Manolo answers, how high the moon!

Every few of the months, the Manolo gets the question from the tall girl asking permission to wear the tall heels, as if the Manolo were the world authority on the social life of the vollyball players and super models. The implicit question is always the same, will the shorty boys not like being with the tally girls, who are the head-and-bosom statuesque over them?

And every few of the months the Manolo gives the same answer, which is the same thing he says to all the girls, fat, thin, short, or tall, stop slumping, stand up straight, throw back the shoulders, and wear the heels if you want. Few things are more appealing than good posture and self-confidence.

Who cares what the insecure men will think? Any man who would feel threatened by the young woman because she is too tall is the man whose opinion is perhaps not worth the consideration.

Here is the Clayton from Joie,, the provocative, suede, 3¾ inch peep-toe with the ankle ties that will be perfect for those little-black-dress functions where the tall girls are appreciated.

Clayton from Joie

Manolo the Columnist: Cutout Python Sandals from Alexandre Birman

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column from the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

It’s the middle of January, the weather has been abominable, and my job is dreary. Everyday, I feel like I’m slogging through a gray fog. Can you please, please, show me a pair of super fantastic shoes to cheer me up until the sun returns?

Sarah

Manolo says, it is true! In the depths of the deepest winter we find ourselves wondering why our best friend the sun has betrayed us, becoming distant, his smile giving no warmth. Worse, we hear from other peoples that he is out partying down with all sorts of peoples in places like Melbourne and Rio de Janeiro, while we sit here on the sofa with the oversized mug of hot cocoa, with double extra marshmallows, watching Lena Dunham look uncomfortable in various ill-fitting outfits.

Oh , how we long to text the message to our former BFF, Sol.

“Were u @, bro?”

And if he truly cared about us, he would text us back.

“Chillax, holmes. Taking care of sum bidness down south. Back in few wks.”

But that is not really enough to fully assuage our jealousy, for we know that Sol is the ultimate party person. Wherever he goes there will be the hot girls in bikinis and the buff boys in the tighty-tight swim trunks.

In such dolorous moments, experience has taught us that our greatest comfort will be the beautiful shoes. Here is the cutout python sandals from Alexandre Birman, the super fantastic fantasy shoe that will spread warmth to all who gaze upon it’s magnificence.

Alexandre Birman cutout python pups

Manolo the Columnist: Gem from Kors by Michael Kors

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

My husband has just announced that we¹re going to Miami Beach right after vChristmas for a couple of weeks of fun. I need some new sandals that will work in an upscale resort sort of way. Please help.

Jessica

Manolo says, ayyyy! The Manolo loves the Miami Beach, especially in the depths of the deepest winter when all of the roads in the Northeast are covered with the piles of the dirty icy slush, and all of the peoples are sullen and grey.

Then, it is the perfect time to escape to the South Florida, the sunny, Ron Rico-fueled land of pastel-colored madness and alligators, wherevoverly-tanned matrons in underly-clothed bikinis mingle with the sunburned Canadians who are squinting confusedly at that hot, bright orange ball of flames in the sky.

South Florida in the winter is the land of endless possibility; anything and everything can happen. One minute you are drinking the mai tais with the seven-feet tall Cuban drag queen, and the next you are riding the airboat through the swamps with the bearded man in the Dale, Jr cap who claims his actual given name is “Cooter Epstein”.

Yes, we are nearly 25 years down the road from the Miami Vice, but you still expect to see Don Johnson appear at any minute, with the sleeves of his white Armani jacket pushed up to his elbows.

Here is the Gem from the Kors by the Michael Kors, the golden flat sandal for the golden winter days and gilded nights of Miami Beach.

Gem from Kors by Michael Kors

Manolo the Columnist: Ambre from Mephisto

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

My husband and I are planning a trip to San Francisco and Sonoma County in late September. Between the must-see attractions in San Francisco and all of the wineries and breweries we’ll be visiting, I know we’ll be doing a lot of walking – can you recommend a comfortable shoe for the trip?

Sarah

Manolo says, the Manolo cannot tell you how many questions he receives from the peoples who are travelling to the California to partake of the many and varied delights of the State of Goldeness. For the example, where else in the world can one snow ski in the morning and water surf in the afternoon?

Where else can one listen to the 23-year-old billionaires spouting hours of witless, tech-company start-up palaver in the morning, and then dine magnificently in the evening on the fresh, free-range, sustainable, Tomales Bay sea urchin roe, lightly seared in the peppery, Sonoma estate, small-batch, extra-super-extra virgin olive oil, served on the bed of Salinas County baby frisée endive and Napa hand-grown infant chervil, garnished lightly with the wild-harvested Tule Lake blue horseradish and South Lodi heirloom kumquats, accompanied by the soupçon of Humboldt County abalone foam?

Nowhere else in the world can one do that, nor would one wish to do that. In California all the old rules are out the window, to be replaced by that special California combination of radical casual familiarity and obtuse pomposity, served with the very nice bottles of wine.

Late September is the best time of the year to visit Northern California. The weather will be magnificent, and so the Manolo recommends the Ambre from Mephisto, the super comfortable flat sandal in the finish amusing called “Spice Perle Patent” to be worn with something California and flowy.

Mephisto Ambre

Manolo’s Late Night Bargain: Ash Shoes from Brand Boudoir

Manolo says, from the Brand Boudoir comes the many end-of-the-season bargains on the Ash Shoes, the French brand made in Italy, for the example…

Lucy Kitten Heel from Ash

This is the Lucy from Ash, the Cleopatra-inspired, kitten-heeled sandal that is selling for 57% off of the usual price.

Or, if you wish the flat heel…

Lui Flat Sandal from Ash

The Lui from Ash, silver flat sandal, selling for 60% off.

Both of these are the sort of sandals which will likely never go out of the style, and thus can be worn for many years to come.

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