Dear Manolo,

My husband owns a small company with 25 mostly blue-collar employees. Every year we host a company picnic at a local park, complete with hotdogs, hamburgers, potato salad and assorted games for the kids. I usually wear a summery sundress, but this year I’m having trouble picking out a pair of sandals. Please help.

Marissa

Manolo says, the annual company picnic is, together with the company Christmas party, one of the most dangerous events on the corporate calendar. There are so many things that can go wrong at the company picnic, such as injury, permanent humiliation, intestinal distress, and the long-term unemployment.

Happily, as the boss’s wife you cannot be fired in the usual way. Unhappily, you will instead be the sort of grande dame, required to arrange for and preside graciously over the festivities. If everything goes well, your husband, who will spend the picnic handing out beers, telling jokes, and slapping backs in his role as Lord Bountiful, will get all of the credit. But, if the burgers are undercooked, the potato salad over warm, the sack race disorganized, or even if the rain comes, you will bear the blame for it.

Worse, you will have to do all this while looking better, but not too much better, than all of the other women present.

Here is the Salinas from Aerin, the simple, flat sandal with neon red patent leather trim that will be perfectly appropriate for your boss’s wifely duty.

Dear Manolo,

I love your shoe recommendations, but unfortunately, I’m just a poor working girl who struggles each month to get by. Can you recommend a pair of summery sandals for me that won’t cost and arm and a leg?

Christina

Manolo says, as always the Manolo recommends saving your monies and buying the high-quality super fantastic shoes, because nothing provides as much pleasure as wearing the beautiful, well-made shoes that fit properly and last the long time.

Still, at the same time, the Manolo knows what it is like to be poor, indeed so poor that you must fashion your own super fantastic summer sandals out of the moldy corks and castoff foil you have scavenged from behind that trendy wine bar next to the yoga pants store.

And so, because of this, the Manolo has much sympathy for the poor working girls that live in the 400-square-feets studio apartments where the oven of the two-burner stove must also serve as the dirty laundry hamper. (Remember the time you pre-heated your camisoles and that hunky fireman who showed up and laughed at you? Sadly, it not the good kind of “ho, ho, ho, you are so cute and ditzy” laughter, but the “ha, ha, ha, wait til I tell the guys at the station about this” jeering sort of laughter.)

Here is the Gale from Sam Edelman, the kicky thong sandal with the beaded accents that will be perfect for your summer wearing needs. And look, it is on the sale, less than $60!

Dear Manolo,

With Mother’s Day coming up I want to buy my mom (think Barbara Streisand without the singing or acting talent) a new pair of shoes. The problem is that she still insists on wearing super high-heeled shoes even though she complains incessantly about her feet and back. I’m hoping that the news that low-heeled shoes are trendy can persuade her to change her ways.

Krista

Manolo says, when the daughters write to the Manolo it is usually because they wish to de-frumpify their mamas, as in, “Manolo, please help me, my mother is dressing like the progressive nun, in the polyester pantsuits and Birkenstocks. How can I get her to look more stylish and hip, maybe like Vivian Westwood, but more dramaticy?”

To which the Manolo can only reply, “wait until the funeral.”

In this case, however, the Manolo can wholeheartedly recommend that your mother adopt the chunky-heeled shoes, which as the Krista has noted are au courant on the feets of the super models on the runways.

Here is the silvery, stacked-heel, gladiator slingback sandal from the Marni, exactly the sort of shoe that the lady who wishes to command favorable attention will wear. And, look! They are extra fashion forward, and comfortable for the ladies of the certain age! Mirable dictu, the stars they are aligned!

Marci

Manolo says, the spring, it has sprung! Finally has arrived is the most glorious time of the year, when the Mother Nature shakes off the gloomy gloaming of winter, hitches up her skirts and gets to work painting the countryside in the riotous shades of green and gold, accenting the fields with flowers and the trees with singing birds.

How can one not be in love with this vernal season, when life returns to the Earth, bringing with it the hope for better days and warmer weather?

It is only natural that we should wish to respond favorably to this bounteous love offering by choosing to wear colorful clothing and beautiful shoes. How better to honor our fabulous good fortune, and the Divine Providence that has provided it, than by expressing our joy in as many ways as possible, with the smiles and kind words, the cheerful mien, and the beautiful happy clothing? Our outward appearance should be the reflection of the happiness that resides within, so that others my share in the mood of the season.

Here is the glittery, jeweled flower metallic sandals from Miu Miu, the perfectly gorgeous sandals for the perfectly gorgeous time of the year.

Dear Manolo,

From the depths of Snowmageddon 2013, I implore you to show me some fun, sunny, light-hearted shoes to make me feel better. I want to see shoes that will reassure me that the weather will soon get warmer, and that spring will arrive on time. Please help!

Jessica

Manolo says, ayyyyy! It is always like this in the Washington, D.C. when the biggest snowstorm of the year finally arrives, and the city is plunged into chaos and despair.

As some wag once said many centuries ago, D.C. is the city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm, the statement that is never more true than during the snow emergencies, when the mere four inches of white flakes turns the entire town into the sort of dangerous, post-apocalyptic, Ice Age wasteland.

Not only do all ordinary services cease, but those few pedestrians who are brave enough to venture forth from their poorly-heated caves are continually in danger of being crushed to death by the mammoth SUVs that
are skidding off the unplowed street with shocking regularity.

Happily, joyously, it is already March, and the spring, which is by far the best time of the year to be in Washington, is just around the corner, and we will soon be freed from our dreary cold weather wear, and will once
again walk in the sunshine.

Here is the Expressed from Naughty Monkey, the fun, light-weight, spring sandal that will make you think that everything is proceeding according to divine plan. The Manolo is especially fond of the chocolate colored shoes.

Dear Manolo,

As you know, next week is a big deal here in D.C., for me especially because I’m on the organizing committee for one of the inaugural balls, and will thus need to look my best for the big event. I’ve already got the gown, in a deep sapphire blue, and now I need the shoes. Please help.

Margot

Manolo says, ayyyy! How exciting it is every four years at the Inauguration Day, when the entire city of Washington is transformed into the magical, make-believe fairyland of limousines and ball gowns, when every minor bureaucrat will be briefly made-over into the Cinderella and the Prince Charming.

One minute you the Assistant to the Assistant Deputy Undersecretary of the Department of Homeland Phrenology, and the next you are Belle from the Beauty and the Beast, dancing the lively foxtrot with the man in the tuxedo who tomorrow will go back to being the person at the Internal Revenue Service who sets the depreciation schedule for the mechanized manure spreaders used by dairy farmers.

Ayyy! It is so romantic!

Of the course, this quadrennial day of celebration will be especially festive because the President was reelected, which means that at the stroke of midnight on January 22nd, none of the political appointees will be looking for new job!

Here is the strappy sandal with the pebbled leather finish from the Jimmy Choo, the perfect shoes for the celebratory festivities of democracy.

Dear Manolo,

It has been a very tough year for me here in Suburbia, so I really want to celebrate its end. So, can you recommend some shoes for a New Year’s Eve black tie gala in the city, complete with dinner and dancing?

Patricia

Manolo says, as is always the case, the last few weeks of the year are filled to the bursting with events, which require substantial preparation and attention, such as the Christmas, and the Eve of the New Year, and the Mayan Calendar Apocalypse.

One minute you are trimming the Chrismakwanzakah tree and taking your little black dress to the seamstress for adjustments, worrying about which shoes are in fashion, and the next you are stocking up on the Meals Ready to Eat and filling sandbags so as to fortify your basement against the fiery arrival of Quetzalcoatl and his Army of the Undead.

But, then the life of the suburban housewife has never been easy, has it?

Happily, the gigantic party at the very end of the year makes up for the various indignities you have suffered over the course of that year, such as the bald spots in your lawn, and the rust spots on your minivans, and the way your seven year old’s violin practice makes you want to call the meteorite down upon the head of the person who wrote the “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”.

Here is the Aksaya Sandal from the Shutz, perfect for the celebratory boogying.

“When did it become so difficult,” you ask yourself, perhaps rhetorically, “to eke out the living?”

And then you feel sorry for yourself, because all of your first-world problems are weighing you down:

For the example, you need the new washer and dryer, because the old set is seven years old, and does not feature the latest next generation, electronic time-delay cycle technology, which means that you must physically be present to push the button that turns on the actual washing machine, instead of setting it so that the cycle starts later, thus ending when you are around to put the clothes into the dryer. Without this magical 21st Century feature, you have to be there in person when the cycle ends to immediately put the clothes into the dryer, lest they acquire that moldy smell from sitting in the washer, damp.

And frankly, this morning you find this intolerable, mainly because you are catching the strange whiff of moldiness from your hair, which you dried this morning with the towel that had sat in the washer tub much of yesterday afternoon while you were at brunch.

Meanwhile, somewhere in southeast Asia, the woman who is exactly your age, to the day, squats by the muddy brown river, beating her family’s clothing on the large rock.

And, ayyyy! Look at how toned her upper arms are!

You would have to spend many hours at the gym to get that sexy arm definition, being hectored by the blonde airhead who directs the SculptZumYogaBo class.

And this thought has made you even more dolorous.

Look! Beautiful shoes!

The leather Prada crisscross platform sandals from the Fall 2012 collection.

…and each one is at least 70% off some seriously hefty (as in $1000+) price tags.

These five unique offerings are available in extremely limited sizes, but if they’re your size and your style, you’re in luck.

Salvatore Ferragamo Berg sculpted wedge sandal
The question is not are they too Bianca Jagger; it’s are they Bianca Jagger *enough*?

The sculpted precision of the cut-out keeps these bisque suede wedges from being just another pair of campy kicks. For an absolutely horrible variation on the curvilinear theme hop on over to the other blog to play Is It A Shoe? Hint: I don’t really think it’s a shoe.

Ralph Lauren Collection Hannie riding boot
I don’t know who’s doing the accessories behind good ol’ Ralphie Lipschitz these days, but they knocked this one out of the park. Ralph Lauren Goes Horsey is Ralph Lauren at his best. I’m also pretty sure it’s the name of a mail-order-only DVD that comes in discreet brown packaging.

Ralph Lauren Collection Jearra t-strap sandal
I love vachetta leather the way nicer, less interesting people love their kids. Traditionally you’d have to wait for time and the elements to give your vachetta its characteristic patina, but it looks like the clever calzolai in Lauren’s Italian workshop have not just tooled the quarter and the platform but treated it, too.

Jil Sander snakeskin pump
I surprised myself by liking these since, as a rule, the sophisticated severity of Jil Sander leaves me cold.  Yet I would totally wear these to toughen up a too-sweet outfit without doing something predictable like spikes or a lug heel. Things have been topsy turvy at JS since February when Kraftwerk-enthusiast and known Belgian Raf Simons left to suck the joy out of Dior one meticulously soulless bar suit at a time.

Hilde SA Feather Sandal from Donna Karan

How to clean, prep and refresh feathered accessories:

You’ll need:

White vinegar in a spray bottle or atomizer capable of a fine mist
Hairspray (not the cheapest stuff in the store)
Firm-bristled paint or makeup brush (optional)
Tea kettle or a steam wand

Directions:

If your feathers are filthy, brush away as much of the dirt or dust as possible, always working with the grain.

Get a nice head of steam on your kettle or your wand. I have both and like to use the kettle because it makes me feel like I’m a endearingly kooky but accident-prone inventor/amateur witch in a Disney flick, a la Dick Van Dyke and Angela Lansbury, respectively.

Take your feathered shoe (or hat, or whatever), hold upside down and run the feathered part through the steam, moving fairly constantly until the feathers are puffed up and damp (not soaking). Gently spritz the feathers with the vinegar and let dry almost completely. Then give them a gentle coat or two of that not-terrible hairspray and coax the feathers into the generally desired shape.

The steam gives life to your feathers and guards against breakage while the vinegar cleans and shuts down the plume shaft so they stay cleaner and look shiny. The hairspray is a light protectant and shaper. If your feathers are white, skip the hairspray or use a teensy bit of liquid gum Arabic dissolved in water in its stead. You can get it at any crafts store. Steaming also perks up floppy flowers and other fabric embellishments.