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Manolo says, as the public service, the Manolo he has put together this permanent exhibition of the worst of the shoes, so that you may know what to avoid. Their crimes against fashion are great.
The Steve Madden
Manolo says, here you see one of the more lamentable fashion statements of this the new millenium, the Steve Madden’s “Sweat”.
Yes, it is named, the Sweat. Most descriptive, no?
Does the name and the shoe not conjure up the mental image of the three-hundred pound man-child, shuffling down the street in the filthy pajamas, clutching at the half masticated piece of the pizza?
Yet, what is most unaccountable is that this shoe it is intended as the stylish casual shoe for the young womens, and indeed the Manolo he has on more than one of the occasions seen this shoe on the foot of the otherwise sane seeming person. Why? Why would someone wear the shoe that looks like the slipper that belongs on the foot of the mental patient?
Why? Why? Why?
Manolo says, here you see the Ugg Classic Short in the baby pink. The only peoples who should be wearing this boot are the pre-teen girls who love the Hello Kitty.
With this boot there is no of the glamour, or the sex appeal, or the style. It is comfortable, but that is all. Worse, this boot, it is the trend that has outlasted its charm.
Once, the Manolo, he saw the aging minx the Shannon Doherty coming out of the Malibu Country Market, and she had on the Uggs and the miniskirt of the denim.
Perhaps she saw the Manolo frowning at the ugliness of her feetwear, for she scowled at the Manolo as if to say "you are the insect who is not worthy to gaze upon the shoes of the Shannon Doherty."
The Manolo, he was all whatever biotch, I am the Manolo, and your shoes, they are ridiculous. You are the woman approaching the middle age, but you insist on dressing like the 12-year-old.
Manolo says, do not be the Shannon Doherty. Do not wear the Uggs.
Manolo says, here you see the Birkenstock Boston, perhaps the ugliest, most unstylish shoe ever manufactured. This shoe, it looks like it was put together by the blind medieval monks, for wear by the peasants of the mud.
For some of the reason, unknown to the Manolo, this shoe it has the cachet with the bohemians and the pot-smoking hippies of the crunchiness. Indeed, you would have to be high to wear this
Like many of the worst of the shoes, it's defenders they trumpet the comfort of this "shoe".
Ha! The Manolo he laughs!
There are many shoes that they are perfectly comfortable without making the wearer look like the dork.
Manolo says, if you insist on wearing these ugly shoes, be certain to wear the wooly socks of grey for the full effect.
The Earth Shoe
Manolo says, here you see the Kharma from the Earth Shoe. Feast upon its defiant unstylishness!
The Earth Shoe it has the famous, "negative sole" which puts the toes of the wearer higher then the heels...perfect for making every girl look like she has the kegs for calves.
Also, this it is another of the favorite shoe of the hippies.
Query: why do the hippies and the crunchy bohemians insist on displaying their solidarity with the peasants by wearing the peasant shoes that cost $100 the pair?
Manolo asks, if they are indeed serious about wearing the comfortable footwear of the peasant should they not be sporting the shoes made out of the recycled treads of the steel-belted tires?
The Betsey Johnson
Manolo says, this shoe from the Betsey Johnson, it has changes the way the Manolo he thinks of the Betsey Johnson. Before the Manolo he thought she was the fun designer who knew when to draw the line on the kitschy crap. Now, the Manolo, he knows she clearly does not.
The Manolo he has the two questions about this:
1) Who did the Betsey Johnson think was the audience for this monstrosity? It is not just gimmicky, it is gimmicky at nearly $300 of the American dollars!
2) Okay, the lips and the domino the Manolo he gets, but what is the up with the rings? Are they to be the earrings?
It is the attention to ridiculous details such as this that makes this shoe a horror for the ages.
Manolo says, here you see the Dansko Teton, the shoe that its makers describe as the "men's sport clog".
Perhaps, like the Manolo, you are wondering what is the sport that the mens play while wearing the clog? Undoubtedly it must be something that it requires the ability to quickly kick off the shoe.
As far at the Manolo knows, there is no sport that is best played with the clog on the foot, and so it is most likely that this description, it was given in the hopes that the potato of the couch, as he clomped the aisles of the Wal-Mart, or sank into his Boy of Laziness for the protracted TV viewing, would feel good about himself.
The fact that he would not have to bend over, past the groaning waistband of his sweatpants, to untie the laces would be the other point of selling.
Manolo says, the very idea of the "men's sports clog" it makes the Manolo laugh. Ha!
It is ridiculous, and only the most gullible of the persons could be tricked into paying $125 of the American dollars for these glorified, heavy-duty house slippers.
Manolo says, this above it is the shoe for the man. Notice how it differs from the shoe for the woman, below.
Manolo says, exactly. They are the same shoe!
The Crocs people they seem to belive that the womens and the mens they deserve the exact same shoe.
Perhaps, this it will be true in the socialist utopia of the future when the differences between the genders they have been eliminated by the selective breeding, but not yet. We, happily, still live in the world where the shoes for the man and the shoe for the woman they are different.
Yet, in the fact, the Crocs people they are not only stubborn in their misguided insistance on leveling the differences between the sexes, but they are stubborn in their unstylishness.
These they are indeed the shoes of a hypothetical distopian future, one in which the inmates they must be dressed in the footwear least likely to be useful in the popular uprising against the regime.
Yes, the defenders of the Crocs they will speak, as the defenders of the ugly often do, of the great comfort of this "shoe". Manolo asks you, why must the "comfort" always be the war cry of those who would lead us into the bad shoes?
Manolo says, comfort and style they are not incompatible, one does not obviate the other.
Finally, the defenders of the Crocs they will tell you that the Crocs they cost only $35, which seems cheap, until one realizes that they are manufactured out of the plastic rings used to hold the packs of six. Not the good value at half the price.
Manolo says, if you believe another maker of the shoes deserves inclusion in this Gallery of the Horrors, email the Manolo giving your reasons why.
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