Manolo’s Shoe Blog

Manolo says, The magnificent David Hasselhoff wishes to seduce you with his eyes, and plastic suit.

Manolo says, here is the oldie, but the timely goody from the archives of the Manolo.

Manolo says, one of the Manolo’s many internet friends has asked the Manolo to comment upon the clothing of the Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the koo-koo-nutty president of Iran.

Normally, the Manolo he does not care to think too much about the sartorial choices of such ridiculous and dangerous peoples, preferring in the stead to devote his precious thinking time to weightier matters, such as whether or not the loathsome Jeffrey will be one of the Project Runway final three, or if the Hasselhoff will ever again find the true love with the career chick of his dreams.

But, the Manolo he is nothing if not obliging to his internet friends, and so he will make the brief remarks.

Briefly and remarkably, the President of the Iran wears the same khaki windbreaker, wrinkled trousers, cheap oxford shirts, scruffy beard and wild eyes favored by the aging high school chemistry teachers everywhere.

Yes, in his youth he was the firebrand who would shake the very foundations of the society, but today he is content to expound upon his paranoid conspiracy theories while exercising his petty autocratic powers over the dull kids who sit in the back of the class.

In the word, he has tenure.

“Umm, Mr. Ahmadinejad, it’s time for recess.”

“Shut up and sit down, Chad, we’re not done discussing how the international Zionist cabal is controlling the lunch room.”

The Manolo has nothing more to say about the clothes of the Ahmadinejad, other than that they are bad, terribly bad, even when judged against the already lamentably low standards set by the current crop of tyrants, despots, and dictators-to-be.

Please go read the whole thing, even though, lamentably most of the photos the Manolo selected to go with this are no long valid.

Manolo asked, whose shoes?

Manolo answers, it is the incomparable David Hasselhoff!

Congratulations to the Manolo’s internet friend SusanC, who was the first and only person to correctly identify this most important and beloved personage.

Manolo says, many of the Manolo’s internet friends have been writing to the Manolo to ask what he thinks of the new Knight Rider movie that is being shown on the television this night.

Yes, the magnificent Hasselhoff, one of the greatest actors of his generation, will be appearing in the cameo role, however the lead will be played by someone else, which is the travesty of all that is right and holy.

How can one have the Knight Rider movie without having Michael Knight and the original KITT? It is ridiculous. That is all the Manolo has to say, ridiculous.

Manolo says, it is no secret that there are only two actors who are truly qualified to play the Manolo in the film version of Super Fantastic. The first is the master thespian, David Hasselhoff, for the most obvious reasons. The second is Daniel Day-Lewis, who is the kindred spirit of the Manolo, for it is true, he loves the shoes!

“I feel as if the periods when I’m not working are very closely related to the periods when I am working. There is no division between those two lives,” [Daniel Day-Lewis] said. “And I feel misrepresented because I keep quiet when I’m not working, (and) on the occasions when I once again step into a public arena, some people tend to see that there’s almost a kind of bipolar existence going on. But of course for me they’re both essential to each other.”

How he spends his off time isn’t something he likes to share: “I’m always a little reluctant to talk about that, and maybe that’s how I manage to create the apparent rift between one world and the other.”

A father of two with his wife, screenwriter-director Rebecca Miller, Day-Lewis does reveal that he “loves motorbikes,” enjoys woodworking and has “a fascination for shoes, for the construction of shoes, which is a very complex and beautiful process.” (He famously took time off to work as a cobbler in Florence, Italy, before taking on the wonderfully villainous part of Bill the Butcher in “Gangs of New York.”)

Obviously, the Daniel Day-Lewis is possessed of the deep, deep soul.

Manolo says, ayyyy! The Magnificent Hasselhoff and two-surgically altered blondes!

Manolo says, occasional readings from Don’t Hassel the Hoff. Today, page 114.

Late that afternoon it was still raining as 15,000 people in Barbours and wellington boots gathered in the deer park to watch the concert. At the last minute, the rain stopped and bright sunshine streamed down. I went on stage and said, “Earlier today I prayed to Diana, “Could you do this one last thing and part the skies?” And she did. It was the most amazing thing she did today. Thank you, Diana — this one’s for you.’

The Word of the Hoff!

Manolo says, daily readings from Don’t Hassel the Hoff. Today, page 103.

Nobody knew I was in town so I enjoyed the freedom of not having to worry about paparazzi. Every day I’d drive across town from my rented apartment to visit my voice teacher and then go to the studio to record. One afternoon I had stopped at some lights when I saw a boy and a girl walking home from schoool wearing Knight Rider backpacks. I rolled down the window

‘Excuse me, have you seen KITT?’

‘Errrrrrr, no.’

‘My name is Michael Knight and I seem to have lost my car.’

They seemed rooted to the spot.

‘Well, guys, if you do see my car please say I’m looking for him. Here are some pictures to remember me by.’

As I drove away, I looked in the mirror and the kids were screaming and jumping in the air.

P.S. Previous readings from Don’t Hassel the Hoff.

The Word of the Hoff!

Manolo says, daily readings from Don’t Hassel the Hoff. Today, page 98.

When the divorce papers arrived at my home, I invited Mom and Dad and eight friends to a party at La Cage aux Folles, the nightclub on La Cienega Boulevard where people went to get super-loaded while watching drag acts. The female impersonators had great fun getting the Knight Rider up on stage and singing Judy Garland songs to him. When I stepped off stage, the maître d’ said, ‘Mr. Hasselhoff, Mr. Liberace would like to buy you a drink.’

I looked over and saw Liberace lit up like a Christmas tree in the middle of a group of young blond men. He waved at me.

‘Ask him if he would like to join our divorce party.’

‘I’m such a big fan, David,’ he said. ‘Who’s getting divorced?’

‘I am.”

‘Well, I’m available — let’s party.’

Liberace was drinking gin and tonic and smoking Carlton cigarettes. He was sixty-seven years old and had had a lot of plastic surgery; he very gracious and very sociable.

‘I can see you are upset about the divorce,’ he said.

‘I’m a little sad.”

‘Oh God, darling, put it behind you — life goes on.’

The Word of the Hoff!