Vertbaudet for the Monday

Manolo says, it is Monday and you are back at your desk, happily surfing the interwebs, clicking on the links and looking at the funny cat pictures, when you suddenly remember that you have to be buying the gifts for the teeny peoples of your acquaintance.

Ayyy! So many children needing the gifts, with so little time to get them.

Why, just in the past year, alone, your hipster friends have had the babies with such trendy names as Atticus, Annabel, Brooklyn, Clementine, Dixie (reserve her the spot in the roller derby team of 2031), Hopper, Juniper, and Otis.

It is almost too much, these trendy names.

Whatever happened to the old-fashioned, traditional names, like those the people of of the last generation gave their children, such as Alexis Carrington Jones, Sonny Crockett Smith, and Remington Steele Johnson?

Now it is all Lulu and Rufus, Leopold and Maisie.

Ayyyy! Look! The Verbaudet is having the end of the season clearance sale!

Vertbaudet  End of the Season Sale

Here are the super cute baby slippers

Cute Baby Slippers

These are exactly the sort of thing that any mother, however hipsterish, would be happy to put on the feets of her precious Sadie or Max.

If the shoes are not the right gift, then how about the nursery bedding from Vertbaudet, or….

Pink Donkey Teddy

The pink Donkey Teddy!

Manolo the Columnist: Alto Disco from Clark

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

I have a shoe dilemma. Our family is traveling to Disney World this summer and I have absolutely no idea what shoes to wear. I like to wear summer dresses with cute sandals but I do not think any of my current sandals will survive days walking around the parks and will stay on my feet while I go on roller coasters with my little nephews. I need a stylish, incredibly comfortable pair of sandals?

DeeDee

Manolo says, Ayyyy! The Manolo loves the Disney World Land, with the giant walking mice, and the spinning tea cups, and the various and sundry princesses in their wigs and evening makeup! Indeed, who could not love this place where the little children are treated like royalty, and the adults are happy to pay for it?

The Monolo has compiled some of the little known statistics about the average family visit to the Disney World Land. During the one day visit, alone, the average family can expect to walk 17.1 miles, wait in the line 294 minutes (88% of which will be for the Space Mountain), and spend $3249.27 on souvenirs featuring the anthropomorphic animals and talking teapots. Tiring and expensive, no? But it is all worth it, no, to see the smiles on the faces of the Disney Corporation shareholders.

Here is the Alto Disco from the Clarks, the sort of deceptively plain, super comfortable walking sandal that actually looks great once it is on your feets. The Manolo likes the navy blue, but it is also available in beige, teal, white, and black.

Clarks Alto Disco

Manolo the Columnist: Salinas from Aerin

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

My husband owns a small company with 25 mostly blue-collar employees. Every year we host a company picnic at a local park, complete with hotdogs, hamburgers, potato salad and assorted games for the kids. I usually wear a summery sundress, but this year I’m having trouble picking out a pair of sandals. Please help.

Marissa

Manolo says, the annual company picnic is, together with the company Christmas party, one of the most dangerous events on the corporate calendar. There are so many things that can go wrong at the company picnic, such as injury, permanent humiliation, intestinal distress, and the long-term unemployment.

Happily, as the boss’s wife you cannot be fired in the usual way. Unhappily, you will instead be the sort of grande dame, required to arrange for and preside graciously over the festivities. If everything goes well, your husband, who will spend the picnic handing out beers, telling jokes, and slapping backs in his role as Lord Bountiful, will get all of the credit. But, if the burgers are undercooked, the potato salad over warm, the sack race disorganized, or even if the rain comes, you will bear the blame for it.

Worse, you will have to do all this while looking better, but not too much better, than all of the other women present.

Here is the Salinas from Aerin, the simple, flat sandal with neon red patent leather trim that will be perfectly appropriate for your boss’s wifely duty.

salinas-aerin

Manolo the Columnist: Air Talia Wedge from Cole Haan

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post:


Dear Manolo,

I’ve got this great summer internship at cable news network helping in the newsroom . I’m supposed to dress professionally, but since this is my first time in a professional setting, I’ve got to buy some new outfits. Can you please recommend some shoes that are not too expensive?

Emma

Manolo says, it would have helped if the Manolo’s friend Emma had mentioned for which of the various news networks she was interning, as it would have made the difference in what the Manolo would recommend. For the example, at the MSNBC the Manolo imagines that it is all sweaty people with bad haircuts in bulky sweaters and sensible shoes, while at the Fox News it is puffy frat boys in bowties and icy blonde beauties with big hair and cultured pearls.

Of the course, the Manolo could be completely mistaken, and that in fact, the production of the cable network news is more like the making of the tofu, in that it all comes out of the same unappetizing vat of flavorless bean goop. Only at the very end, do the crazy chefs add the little bit of flavoring and tons of the MSG to produce the All-American Fox News Tofurkey, or the Progressive MSNBC Vegan Hotdogs.

In this case, the Manolo would imagine that the same people work behind the scenes at both places — likely dressed in the sweat pants, tattered novelty t-shirts, and hairnets — as they go about the business of scooping out our daily ration of heavily-spiced, meatless news substitute.

Here is the Cole Haan Air Talia Wedge in the very becoming maple sugar color, perfect for the summery office work.

Cole Haan Air Talia 40 Wedge

Manolo the Columnist: Kimi from Munro American

Dear Manolo,

Now that Memorial Day is officially here, I can finally wear white shoes again. Please recommend something casual. By the way, I should mention that I wear a size 12.

Antonia

Manolo says, have you not heard the news? The ancien régime has been overthrown, and the Jacobins of fashion are busily marching the most honored of traditions straight up to the guillotine.

For the example, who today (except for the Manolo’s friend Antonia) cares about the old rule that mandates the wearing of white only between the days of Memorial and Labor? Even the Manolo, who is so stodgy that he occasionally wears the four-piece suit to the beach, has given up on trying to care about the white clothing rule. It is the vestige of the era of no air conditioning and ladies maids, and is best left behind with the corset and bustle. And so the Manolo says, if it is April and the weather is warm, feel free to wear the white shoes upon your feets.

Speaking of no corsets and white in the summer, now that the magnificent Baz Luhrmann has revived the Great Gatsby, perhaps it is the time to bring back the classic tennis outfits of that 1920s: drop-waist pleated knee-high skirts, sleeveless tops, cotton pullover sweaters, all in glorious summery white. Frankly the Manolo is tired of day-glo booty skirts and spandex bandeau tops.

Here is the Kimi from the Munro American, the smart-looking white driving moccasin that goes all the way up to the size 13.

Kimi from Munro American

The Decadant Phase: Diciannoveventitre Ultra-Distressed Sneakers

Manolo says, Slave! Peel the Manolo the grape, bring him his Diciannoveventitre Ultra-Distressed Sneakers, and order his palanquin brought around to the front. He is feeling like the man of the people today.

Overdyed, ultra-distressed high top sneakers with pre-rusted metal eyelets and dye-splattered rubber sole.

Diciannoveventitre Ultra-Distressed Sneakers

Diciannoveventitre-Ultra-distressed

Cost? The mere $1,975

Manolo the Columnist: Gale from Sam Edelman

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

I love your shoe recommendations, but unfortunately, I’m just a poor working girl who struggles each month to get by. Can you recommend a pair of summery sandals for me that won’t cost and arm and a leg?

Christina

Manolo says, as always the Manolo recommends saving your monies and buying the high-quality super fantastic shoes, because nothing provides as much pleasure as wearing the beautiful, well-made shoes that fit properly and last the long time.

Still, at the same time, the Manolo knows what it is like to be poor, indeed so poor that you must fashion your own super fantastic summer sandals out of the moldy corks and castoff foil you have scavenged from behind that trendy wine bar next to the yoga pants store.

And so, because of this, the Manolo has much sympathy for the poor working girls that live in the 400-square-feets studio apartments where the oven of the two-burner stove must also serve as the dirty laundry hamper. (Remember the time you pre-heated your camisoles and that hunky fireman who showed up and laughed at you? Sadly, it not the good kind of “ho, ho, ho, you are so cute and ditzy” laughter, but the “ha, ha, ha, wait til I tell the guys at the station about this” jeering sort of laughter.)

Here is the Gale from Sam Edelman, the kicky thong sandal with the beaded accents that will be perfect for your summer wearing needs. And look, it is on the sale, less than $60!

Gale from Sam Edelman

Manolo the Columnist: Eleni from Pour la Victoire

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.


Dear Manolo,

For the past month, my husband has been in California working on a business project in Silicon Valley. At the end of next week, I’ll be joining him for a week long vacation in San Francisco and Napa Valley. I’m not really sure what to wear. Please help.

Monica

Manolo says, for the Manolo, who is of the certain age, whenever someone says they are going to San Francisco, the Manolo thinks “be sure to wear some flowers in the hair.”

But then the Manolo remembers that putting the flowers in the hair to go to the San Francisco is like dancing the Lindy Hop, or wearing the coonskin cap to watch the Sunday night television programming; the artifact of the distant past, poorly remembered, and perhaps better forgotten. (Ayyyy! The Manolo just looked it up!, That song came out 46 years ago this week, in 1967, when the earth was still young and nubile. )

Now the days, when one thinks of San Francisco, one is more likely to think of the unpleasant, shallow-chested billionaires–the plague of the modern era–who believe they should rule the world from the front seat of their all-electric Google cars.

If you are going to Silicon Valley

Be sure to vest some options in your stock.

If you are going to Silicon Valley

You’re going to meet some awful people there.

Undoubtedly, you will want to wear the sandals on your feets. Here is the Eleni from Pour la Victoire, which will be sufficiently and defiantly bohemian.

Eleni from Pour la Victoire

Manolo the Columnist: Stacked-Heel Sandals from Marni

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.


Dear Manolo,

With Mother’s Day coming up I want to buy my mom (think Barbara Streisand without the singing or acting talent) a new pair of shoes. The problem is that she still insists on wearing super high-heeled shoes even though she complains incessantly about her feet and back. I’m hoping that the news that low-heeled shoes are trendy can persuade her to change her ways.

Krista

Manolo says, when the daughters write to the Manolo it is usually because they wish to de-frumpify their mamas, as in, “Manolo, please help me, my mother is dressing like the progressive nun, in the polyester pantsuits and Birkenstocks. How can I get her to look more stylish and hip, maybe like Vivian Westwood, but more dramaticy?”

To which the Manolo can only reply, “wait until the funeral.”

In this case, however, the Manolo can wholeheartedly recommend that your mother adopt the chunky-heeled shoes, which as the Krista has noted are au courant on the feets of the super models on the runways.

Here is the silvery, stacked-heel, gladiator slingback sandal from the Marni, exactly the sort of shoe that the lady who wishes to command favorable attention will wear. And, look! They are extra fashion forward, and comfortable for the ladies of the certain age! Mirable dictu, the stars they are aligned!

Slingback Sandals from Marni

Manolo the Columnist: Austen Jacquard Pump from the Fendi

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

****


Dear Manolo,

I see that low-heeled pumps are in fashion this season, which is perfect for me. I really can’t walk in anything over two inches. It’s too painful. Can you recommend something sharp to wear to the office?

Marjorie

Manolo says, ayyyy! It is true, the New York Times fashion section has declared that the frump is fashionable! According to the Susan Joy, this season “dowager classics like frame handbags, cardies, and costume jewelry are the height of chic”

To which the Manolo says, when have such practical and handsome items ever truly been out of the fashion? Yes, beautiful young peoples with lithe bodies and smooth skin can wear anything and make it seem fashionable. Indeed, who aside from the Manolo remembers that strange moment, circa Summer of 1983, when all the young Madonnas were wearing the faded bib overalls with one shoulder undone? (Please to review the summer of ‘83 music videos for “Come on Eileen” from the Dexys Midnight Runners and “Cruel Summer” from the Bananarama.)

But, for the sophisticated ladies who luncheon the uniform of choice has been remarkably stable over the past generation or two, and it is because such things as commodious purses, toasty cardigans, and reasonable shoes are practical and attractive.

Here from the Fendi is the Austen jacquard canvas and suede loafer pump with the yellow color block heel that takes the frump to the height of stylishness.

Austen Pump from Fendi

Black Diamond Hoop Earrings for the Friday

Manolo says, it is Friday and you are completely ready for the weekend to arrive.

Unlike the other nights of the week, when you must be in the bed by the reasonable hour lest you oversleep your alarm and miss the bus in the morning, you will not be sitting at home on the couch, your face buried in the second-helping of Lean Cuisine fettuccine alfredo watching your long-time imaginary sugar daddy, Mark Harmon, solving the imaginary crimes on the NCIS.

In the stead, shortly after work this afternoon, you will leave your cubicle farm and venture out into the night with the pack of like-minded girlfriends. First, however, you will shuck off your practical work clothing, layer on the makeup, put on the high heels, and shimmy yourself into the too tight dress. And as you stand in front of the mirror, contemplating the final touches, you realize that what you are really needing are the pair of black diamond hoop earrings.KwvXr8fThat is what is really needed to turn things around, something dramatic and unexpected, not another night out with the same old going-no-where people, dancing with the same old going-no-where men at the same old already-no-where clubs.

And that is when you decide to quit your job, just go in on the Monday morning and tell your boss, Mr. Grozny, “In two weeks, I am outta heah, sucka.”

San Diego has always looked good to you, and you have the cousin out there. Just pack the car and go. It is the American thing to do.

In addition to the new jewelry from TraxNYC you will need new shoes suitable to the climate:

Cynna Sandal from Via Spiga

The Cynna from Via Spiga, the pink and yellow flat sandal that will represent for you the break with the past.

Manolo the Columnist: Connie from Donald J. Pliner

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

I’m getting married again at the end of May. Since this is my second marriage, as well as the groom’s, we’ve opted for a informal wedding with close family and a few friends on the beach in South Carolina. Since my dress is light blue, I need a pair of sandals that will match. Can you please help?

Barbara

Manolo says, ayyy! So romantic! Indeed, just the words “beach wedding” alone can conjure up in the mind of the hearer all sorts of fantastically romantic scenarios to explain why someone is getting married at the seashore instead of the church or the justice of the peace.

For the example, you are the beautiful mermaid of the certain age who, during the giant storm, has been washed ashore suffering from amnesia only to be found by the handsomely rugged sea captain (played by the Tom Selleck), who despite the long-standing and well-know animosity between seafarers and merpeople (in reality misunderstandings caused by practical joking dolphins) has carried you back to his skipjack and chastely restored to health, hand feeding you sardines and oysters and little pieces of delicious eel, while softly singing sea shanties and playing his ukulele.

When your health and memory have returned, rather than swimming back to your underwater home, to your rightful place as Neptune’s spinster merdaughter, you have convinced the old merwizard to give you legs. Many complications and dangers ensue, but in the end, here you are, standing on the beach in South Carolina with the man in the Hawaiian shirt and famous mustache getting married.

Here is the Connie from Donald J. Pliner, the silver thong sandal that will be perfect for wearing on the beach.

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