Manolo the Columnist: Connie from Donald J. Pliner

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

I’m getting married again at the end of May. Since this is my second marriage, as well as the groom’s, we’ve opted for a informal wedding with close family and a few friends on the beach in South Carolina. Since my dress is light blue, I need a pair of sandals that will match. Can you please help?

Barbara

Manolo says, ayyy! So romantic! Indeed, just the words “beach wedding” alone can conjure up in the mind of the hearer all sorts of fantastically romantic scenarios to explain why someone is getting married at the seashore instead of the church or the justice of the peace.

For the example, you are the beautiful mermaid of the certain age who, during the giant storm, has been washed ashore suffering from amnesia only to be found by the handsomely rugged sea captain (played by the Tom Selleck), who despite the long-standing and well-know animosity between seafarers and merpeople (in reality misunderstandings caused by practical joking dolphins) has carried you back to his skipjack and chastely restored to health, hand feeding you sardines and oysters and little pieces of delicious eel, while softly singing sea shanties and playing his ukulele.

When your health and memory have returned, rather than swimming back to your underwater home, to your rightful place as Neptune’s spinster merdaughter, you have convinced the old merwizard to give you legs. Many complications and dangers ensue, but in the end, here you are, standing on the beach in South Carolina with the man in the Hawaiian shirt and famous mustache getting married.

Here is the Connie from Donald J. Pliner, the silver thong sandal that will be perfect for wearing on the beach.

Manolo the Columnist: Metallic Flower Sandals from Miu Miu

Dear Manolo,

Now that the first day of spring has arrived, I find that I need a new pair of sandals suitable to the season. I would describe my style as understated and classic, but this year I’m feeling a powerful need for something a little more colorful than usual. Please help.

Marci

Manolo says, the spring, it has sprung! Finally has arrived is the most glorious time of the year, when the Mother Nature shakes off the gloomy gloaming of winter, hitches up her skirts and gets to work painting the countryside in the riotous shades of green and gold, accenting the fields with flowers and the trees with singing birds.

How can one not be in love with this vernal season, when life returns to the Earth, bringing with it the hope for better days and warmer weather?

It is only natural that we should wish to respond favorably to this bounteous love offering by choosing to wear colorful clothing and beautiful shoes. How better to honor our fabulous good fortune, and the Divine Providence that has provided it, than by expressing our joy in as many ways as possible, with the smiles and kind words, the cheerful mien, and the beautiful happy clothing? Our outward appearance should be the reflection of the happiness that resides within, so that others my share in the mood of the season.

Here is the glittery, jeweled flower metallic sandals from Miu Miu, the perfectly gorgeous sandals for the perfectly gorgeous time of the year.

Miu Miu Metallic Sandal

Manolo the Columnist: Gianne from Joan & David

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.


Dear Manolo,

My baby niece is going to be baptized in a formal ceremony on Easter. I’m the black sheep of the family who last wore a pantsuit to my dad’s summer
wedding. (Think Carrie Bradshaw mixed with Sporty Spice) I’m not a fan of sandals due to an ankle injury so what do you suggest would be a good fit?

Elizabeth

Manolo says, it is the old problem: what to do when you are required to attend the celebratory occasion which requires the particular sort of costume which conflicts with your trademarked personal style.

For the example, your darling sweet grandmother, whom you adore, has requested your attendance at her annual Suburban Ladies Who Luncheon Garden Party. Unfortunately, among the other demimonde habitués of the Lower East Side you have the hard-won reputation for being the most anarchic of the Anarcho-Punks, because of the scatological epithets scrawled on your tattered military-surplus jacket, your willingness to tussle with the cops, and the way your hair is matted just so.

But, you have to go to this party, because of your grandmother, but what do you wear? What will happen if someone from Alphabet City sees you getting into the livery car wearing the light cotton sweater, flowery shift, and the pair of girly sandals?

The Manolo says, contradict yourself, you are large, you contain multitudes! Dress up or dress down as the occasion demands

Here is the Gianne from the Joan and David, the mid-heel slingback pump in the pastel yellow that is perfectly consonant with the joyous Eastertide ceremony.

Gianne from Joan and David

Manolo the Columnist: Ventura 2 from Bass

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

My lovely daughter will soon be graduating from the 8th grade from a Catholic school. In keeping with tradition, all of the girls will wear the same style white dress. It has a fitted bodice, wide straps, and a full skirt, and has been lovingly and meticulously designed to look awful on every body type imaginable. The dresses will all be hemmed to the same length from the floor, which for my daughter, who is tall and willowy, will be just below the knee. The shoes must be white, and the maximum heel height is 2″. Can you recommend shoes that will pass muster with the Powers That Be, while also being fun and flirty enough that she might actually wear them again?

Nancy

Manolo says, this is the most exciting time to be the Catholic, what with the new pope from Argentina being elected in the Vatican, on the platform of greater pastoral care for the poor and free tango lessons.

For the Manolo who loves both the ancient traditions and the pomp and the circumstances of any sort it has been the gloriously entertaining few days.

Think how much better the recent American presidential elections would have been if we had forced the Barack Obama and the Mitt Romeny to dress up in red silk gowns and parade around the Capitol Mall while exhibiting pious humility and wisdom.

Indeed, as the Vatican has proven, the entire world would be the better place if we all adopted traditional medieval costumes, say doublets and stockings for the men, and bejeweled robes for the women.

As for the shoes, the Manolo thinks that for the 8th grad graduation something fun like the white oxford, or perhaps the white loafer, would be both suitable and likely to be worn again. Here is the Bass Ventura 2, the traditional loafer that would also later look good with jeans.

Ventura 2 Loafer from Bass

Manolo the Columnist: Expressed from Naughty Sandals

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

From the depths of Snowmageddon 2013, I implore you to show me some fun, sunny, light-hearted shoes to make me feel better. I want to see shoes that will reassure me that the weather will soon get warmer, and that spring will arrive on time. Please help!

Jessica

Manolo says, ayyyyy! It is always like this in the Washington, D.C. when the biggest snowstorm of the year finally arrives, and the city is plunged into chaos and despair.

As some wag once said many centuries ago, D.C. is the city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm, the statement that is never more true than during the snow emergencies, when the mere four inches of white flakes turns the entire town into the sort of dangerous, post-apocalyptic, Ice Age wasteland.

Not only do all ordinary services cease, but those few pedestrians who are brave enough to venture forth from their poorly-heated caves are continually in danger of being crushed to death by the mammoth SUVs that
are skidding off the unplowed street with shocking regularity.

Happily, joyously, it is already March, and the spring, which is by far the best time of the year to be in Washington, is just around the corner, and we will soon be freed from our dreary cold weather wear, and will once
again walk in the sunshine.

Here is the Expressed from Naughty Monkey, the fun, light-weight, spring sandal that will make you think that everything is proceeding according to divine plan. The Manolo is especially fond of the chocolate colored shoes.

Naughty Monkey Expressed Sandals

Manolo the Columnist: Kalia from Ivanka Trump

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

At the beginning of April I’m supposed to be a bridesmaid for my sister. She has chosen for us to wear long, dove gray, empire-waisted dresses, which because I will then be 8 months pregnant, will almost certainly accentuate my giant belly. What I need is a pair of low-heeled sandals, something that will give me some stability as I totter down the aisle, while not overly constricting my bloated feet. Oh, and because I’m sure my feet will shrink after my baby is born, I don’t want to spend too much money on these shoes. Please help.

Grace

Manolo says, as always the Manolo has much sympathy for the pregnant ladies, especially those who have been involuntarily lassoed into the ceremonial role that will involve much standing up before the public while someone else is the center of attention.

Indeed, it has always been the belief of the Manolo that the pregnant ladies should be exempted from any sort of obligation more strenuous than eating the chocolate-covered, peanut-butter pickles while being carried, like Marie Antoinette, from place to place in the sedan chair born by six, long-haired, bare-chested Fabio-a-likes.

Sadly, the best the modern day lady of gravidity can hope for is that her husband parks the SUV in the lot closest to the church.

Look! Here is the Kalia from the Ivanka Trump, the strappy gray flats with the little bit of the bling that will not break your bank.

Kalia from Ivanka Trump

Manolo the Columnist: from Stuart Weitzman

Manolo says, here is the latest column of the Manolo for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

After many re-heelings and much tender loving care, my favorite pair of super-practical, low-heeled, black leather ankle boots have finally given
up the ghost. These are boots I’ve worn a least once a week for almost a decade, so I’m pretty broken up. Can you please help me find a new pair?

Margot

Manolo says, oh, how well the Manolo knows the six stages of the shoe-loss grief–denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, and shopping–
however, it is the personal letters like this that bring home to us the tragedy of losing the dearly beloved one after the long slow decline.

It is not easy letting go and moving on, knowing that you will never again experience the pleasure of your dearest footwear friend.

And, yet, as the writer of the Ecclesiastics reminds us, “to every shoe there is the season … the time to wear, and the time to closet; the time
to keep, and the time to cast away.” The message is simple, when your shoe has reached the end, it is the mercy to let it go and ease its
passage out of your closet and into the recycling bin as painlessly and with as much dignity as is possible.

Do not worry, dear lady, undoubtedly your old boots would want you to be happy, would want you to find the new boots to cherish your feets.

Here are the Step from Stuart Weitzman the low-heeled boots that will perhaps ease the aching heart, especially as they are on the sale!

Step from Stuart Weitzman

Vikki Wedge Sandal from Kate Spade for the Monday

Manolo says, it is Monday and you are back at your work doing that thing that needs to get done so that you do not slip into poverty and find yourself living in the sewers that run beneath the streets of your town, pushing the shopping cart filled with smashed aluminum cans and cat pelts.

Frankly, you would rather be sitting at home in your pajamas, reading the Agatha Christie novel and eating potato chips, but the cruel realities of the modern world have forced you to venture out into the daylight and interact with the bosses, the coworkers, and the clients, three classes of humans without whom you can perhaps do.

Well, at the least, you can spend the few minutes sitting at your desk, pretending to work, while trying to find deals online. Or perhaps, thinking about how to make your yourself look smarter for work with new dress from Ted Baker, maybe something flowery that will get you out of your mid-winter rut and into the spring time mood.

Speaking of the the flowers, those love offerings that spring gives to us each year, here is the Vikki Wedge from the Kate Spade in the rose gold, the perfectly wonderful flowered sandal.

Vikki Wedge Sandal from Kate Spade

And here is the coupon for the free shipping from the Jildor shoes to help you make up your mind.

Manolo the Columnist: Braiden High Loafer from Cole Haan

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

I’ve just landed my first real post-college job, as a research assistant with a think tank. (I won’t say which one, I’ll just tell you that my male coworkers mostly wear bowties and quote Chesterton a lot.) As a
consequence, I need a new professional wardrobe, especially shoes. I need something traditional and not too expensive.

Emily

Manolo says, one of the things that has long amused and entertained the Manolo is how the various political tribes and sub-tribes of the Washington, D.C. identify themselves through their clothing and habits.

If you tell the Manolo that you are working at the thinking tank with the bowtie-wearing gentlemen of the Chestertonian persuasion, he will tell you that the conversation around the luncheon table involves the vigorous discussions of the Laffer curve marginal tax rates, fly-fishing in Montana, and the perfidious behavior of the tyrants at the Department of Energy.

If, however, you say that you are working at the place where everyone who is not driving the Prius to work, instead rides the recumbent bicycle, then the Manolo will tell you that you spend most of the day arguing about how best to bring the head of Exxon/Monsanto/Dick Cheney to justice in front of the tribunal of the people.

Sadly, despite what you may have heard, you can judge the book by its cover, especially if it is wearing the Birkenstocks on its feets, or the bowtie at its neck.

Here is the Braiden High Loafer from the Cole Haan in the attractive maple sugar suede finish with the little kiltie detail, exactly the sort of shoe of which Chesterton would have approved.

Cole Haan Braiden Loafer_

Manolo the Columnist: Perforated Straight Tip Oxford from Alden

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

Last week, you answered a Valentine’s Day question from a woman who is giving the holiday another chance. I have a similar dilemma, from a slightly different perspective. I’m a 28-year-old man who’s found the love of his life, and who now wishes to propose matrimony on Valentine’s Day in a fairly traditional, get-down-on-one-knee sort of way. I’ve got a new gray suit, and I need a pair of new shoes. The question is, brown or black?

Tom

Manolo says, the Manolo applauds your willingness to stick with the most traditional and romanticest form of the proposal, rather than as has become depressingly common, taking your beloved to the Capitals hockey game, and during the second intermission having the Slapshot the Mascot skate out with the ring on his stick, while your visage appears on the Jumbotron, thirty feet tall, pledging eternal love to your deeply embarrassed girlfriend, whom you refer to repeatedly, in glorious amplification, by your own special, little love nickname, “Sugar Butt”.

Trust the Manolo, only the lunatic, or the Hollywood producer (but the Manolo repeats himself) would think that such the spectacular public proposal was the good idea. Better to take your lady friend to the romantically dim little place, where if things do not go well. and you are rejected, you may slink away largely unnoticed by the few diners who are present.

As for the shoes with the gray suit, the Manolo’s choice is brown, which if properly chosen can have the deeper, more luxurious color than the black. Here is the perforated straight tip oxford from Alden in the rich walnut brown color.

Perforated Toe Cap Oxford from Alden

The Face of Villainy

Manolo says, the English archeological nabobs have made the facial reconstruction of the newly found bones of the Richard the 3, and not surprisingly he has the very shifty eyes….

Richard III

Richard III, shown without the hump.

Here is the close-up of the artist’s reconstruction.

Lord Farquaad

Definitely not the Lord Farquaad

Manolo the Columnist: Chantel from Pour la Victoire

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

Because of past experiences, which I shall not describe, I’ve come to hate Valentine’s Day. This year, however, I’ve got a new boyfriend who’s romantic enough to do right by the holiday. Can you please suggest some red shoes appropriate for the day?

Nicole

Manolo says, yes, it is true, Dia de San Valentine is one of the most dangerous days of the entire calendar, when the wild passions that bubble beneath the surface erupt in the geyser of candy hearts, red roses, and dime store lingerie.

Woe be to the man, says the Manolo, who ventures forth on that day, forward into the fray of love, armed with nothing but the box of the Russell Stover’s caramels and the risqué greeting card he has picked up at the Wal-Mart while buying the oil filter wrench, and signed, in block print, “Love ya.”

Such paltry tokens of ardor are insufficient to the task of soothing the savage breast of the ordinary American woman, who demands the more earnest evidence of ardor, such as the romantic dinner at the Red Lobster, or the gift certificate, denominated in the high two figures, to the Victoria’s Secret.

And woe to the woman, says the Manolo, who fails to understand that what the ordinary American man most desires on that auspicious day is that the festivities culminate in the most passionate embraces, after which he be allowed to peacefully roll over and subside into blissful slumber.

Look! Here is the Chantel the hot, sexy, hot passion red shoe from the Pour la Victoire/

Chantel from Pour la Victoire

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