The Decadant Phase: Diciannoveventitre Ultra-Distressed Sneakers

Manolo says, Slave! Peel the Manolo the grape, bring him his Diciannoveventitre Ultra-Distressed Sneakers, and order his palanquin brought around to the front. He is feeling like the man of the people today.

Overdyed, ultra-distressed high top sneakers with pre-rusted metal eyelets and dye-splattered rubber sole.

Diciannoveventitre Ultra-Distressed Sneakers

Diciannoveventitre-Ultra-distressed

Cost? The mere $1,975

Manolo the Columnist: Gale from Sam Edelman

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

I love your shoe recommendations, but unfortunately, I’m just a poor working girl who struggles each month to get by. Can you recommend a pair of summery sandals for me that won’t cost and arm and a leg?

Christina

Manolo says, as always the Manolo recommends saving your monies and buying the high-quality super fantastic shoes, because nothing provides as much pleasure as wearing the beautiful, well-made shoes that fit properly and last the long time.

Still, at the same time, the Manolo knows what it is like to be poor, indeed so poor that you must fashion your own super fantastic summer sandals out of the moldy corks and castoff foil you have scavenged from behind that trendy wine bar next to the yoga pants store.

And so, because of this, the Manolo has much sympathy for the poor working girls that live in the 400-square-feets studio apartments where the oven of the two-burner stove must also serve as the dirty laundry hamper. (Remember the time you pre-heated your camisoles and that hunky fireman who showed up and laughed at you? Sadly, it not the good kind of “ho, ho, ho, you are so cute and ditzy” laughter, but the “ha, ha, ha, wait til I tell the guys at the station about this” jeering sort of laughter.)

Here is the Gale from Sam Edelman, the kicky thong sandal with the beaded accents that will be perfect for your summer wearing needs. And look, it is on the sale, less than $60!

Gale from Sam Edelman

Manolo the Columnist: Eleni from Pour la Victoire

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.


Dear Manolo,

For the past month, my husband has been in California working on a business project in Silicon Valley. At the end of next week, I’ll be joining him for a week long vacation in San Francisco and Napa Valley. I’m not really sure what to wear. Please help.

Monica

Manolo says, for the Manolo, who is of the certain age, whenever someone says they are going to San Francisco, the Manolo thinks “be sure to wear some flowers in the hair.”

But then the Manolo remembers that putting the flowers in the hair to go to the San Francisco is like dancing the Lindy Hop, or wearing the coonskin cap to watch the Sunday night television programming; the artifact of the distant past, poorly remembered, and perhaps better forgotten. (Ayyyy! The Manolo just looked it up!, That song came out 46 years ago this week, in 1967, when the earth was still young and nubile. )

Now the days, when one thinks of San Francisco, one is more likely to think of the unpleasant, shallow-chested billionaires–the plague of the modern era–who believe they should rule the world from the front seat of their all-electric Google cars.

If you are going to Silicon Valley

Be sure to vest some options in your stock.

If you are going to Silicon Valley

You’re going to meet some awful people there.

Undoubtedly, you will want to wear the sandals on your feets. Here is the Eleni from Pour la Victoire, which will be sufficiently and defiantly bohemian.

Eleni from Pour la Victoire

Manolo the Columnist: Stacked-Heel Sandals from Marni

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.


Dear Manolo,

With Mother’s Day coming up I want to buy my mom (think Barbara Streisand without the singing or acting talent) a new pair of shoes. The problem is that she still insists on wearing super high-heeled shoes even though she complains incessantly about her feet and back. I’m hoping that the news that low-heeled shoes are trendy can persuade her to change her ways.

Krista

Manolo says, when the daughters write to the Manolo it is usually because they wish to de-frumpify their mamas, as in, “Manolo, please help me, my mother is dressing like the progressive nun, in the polyester pantsuits and Birkenstocks. How can I get her to look more stylish and hip, maybe like Vivian Westwood, but more dramaticy?”

To which the Manolo can only reply, “wait until the funeral.”

In this case, however, the Manolo can wholeheartedly recommend that your mother adopt the chunky-heeled shoes, which as the Krista has noted are au courant on the feets of the super models on the runways.

Here is the silvery, stacked-heel, gladiator slingback sandal from the Marni, exactly the sort of shoe that the lady who wishes to command favorable attention will wear. And, look! They are extra fashion forward, and comfortable for the ladies of the certain age! Mirable dictu, the stars they are aligned!

Slingback Sandals from Marni

Manolo the Columnist: Austen Jacquard Pump from the Fendi

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

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Dear Manolo,

I see that low-heeled pumps are in fashion this season, which is perfect for me. I really can’t walk in anything over two inches. It’s too painful. Can you recommend something sharp to wear to the office?

Marjorie

Manolo says, ayyyy! It is true, the New York Times fashion section has declared that the frump is fashionable! According to the Susan Joy, this season “dowager classics like frame handbags, cardies, and costume jewelry are the height of chic”

To which the Manolo says, when have such practical and handsome items ever truly been out of the fashion? Yes, beautiful young peoples with lithe bodies and smooth skin can wear anything and make it seem fashionable. Indeed, who aside from the Manolo remembers that strange moment, circa Summer of 1983, when all the young Madonnas were wearing the faded bib overalls with one shoulder undone? (Please to review the summer of ‘83 music videos for “Come on Eileen” from the Dexys Midnight Runners and “Cruel Summer” from the Bananarama.)

But, for the sophisticated ladies who luncheon the uniform of choice has been remarkably stable over the past generation or two, and it is because such things as commodious purses, toasty cardigans, and reasonable shoes are practical and attractive.

Here from the Fendi is the Austen jacquard canvas and suede loafer pump with the yellow color block heel that takes the frump to the height of stylishness.

Austen Pump from Fendi

Black Diamond Hoop Earrings for the Friday

Manolo says, it is Friday and you are completely ready for the weekend to arrive.

Unlike the other nights of the week, when you must be in the bed by the reasonable hour lest you oversleep your alarm and miss the bus in the morning, you will not be sitting at home on the couch, your face buried in the second-helping of Lean Cuisine fettuccine alfredo watching your long-time imaginary sugar daddy, Mark Harmon, solving the imaginary crimes on the NCIS.

In the stead, shortly after work this afternoon, you will leave your cubicle farm and venture out into the night with the pack of like-minded girlfriends. First, however, you will shuck off your practical work clothing, layer on the makeup, put on the high heels, and shimmy yourself into the too tight dress. And as you stand in front of the mirror, contemplating the final touches, you realize that what you are really needing are the pair of black diamond hoop earrings.KwvXr8fThat is what is really needed to turn things around, something dramatic and unexpected, not another night out with the same old going-no-where people, dancing with the same old going-no-where men at the same old already-no-where clubs.

And that is when you decide to quit your job, just go in on the Monday morning and tell your boss, Mr. Grozny, “In two weeks, I am outta heah, sucka.”

San Diego has always looked good to you, and you have the cousin out there. Just pack the car and go. It is the American thing to do.

In addition to the new jewelry from TraxNYC you will need new shoes suitable to the climate:

Cynna Sandal from Via Spiga

The Cynna from Via Spiga, the pink and yellow flat sandal that will represent for you the break with the past.

Manolo the Columnist: Connie from Donald J. Pliner

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

I’m getting married again at the end of May. Since this is my second marriage, as well as the groom’s, we’ve opted for a informal wedding with close family and a few friends on the beach in South Carolina. Since my dress is light blue, I need a pair of sandals that will match. Can you please help?

Barbara

Manolo says, ayyy! So romantic! Indeed, just the words “beach wedding” alone can conjure up in the mind of the hearer all sorts of fantastically romantic scenarios to explain why someone is getting married at the seashore instead of the church or the justice of the peace.

For the example, you are the beautiful mermaid of the certain age who, during the giant storm, has been washed ashore suffering from amnesia only to be found by the handsomely rugged sea captain (played by the Tom Selleck), who despite the long-standing and well-know animosity between seafarers and merpeople (in reality misunderstandings caused by practical joking dolphins) has carried you back to his skipjack and chastely restored to health, hand feeding you sardines and oysters and little pieces of delicious eel, while softly singing sea shanties and playing his ukulele.

When your health and memory have returned, rather than swimming back to your underwater home, to your rightful place as Neptune’s spinster merdaughter, you have convinced the old merwizard to give you legs. Many complications and dangers ensue, but in the end, here you are, standing on the beach in South Carolina with the man in the Hawaiian shirt and famous mustache getting married.

Here is the Connie from Donald J. Pliner, the silver thong sandal that will be perfect for wearing on the beach.

Manolo the Columnist: Metallic Flower Sandals from Miu Miu

Dear Manolo,

Now that the first day of spring has arrived, I find that I need a new pair of sandals suitable to the season. I would describe my style as understated and classic, but this year I’m feeling a powerful need for something a little more colorful than usual. Please help.

Marci

Manolo says, the spring, it has sprung! Finally has arrived is the most glorious time of the year, when the Mother Nature shakes off the gloomy gloaming of winter, hitches up her skirts and gets to work painting the countryside in the riotous shades of green and gold, accenting the fields with flowers and the trees with singing birds.

How can one not be in love with this vernal season, when life returns to the Earth, bringing with it the hope for better days and warmer weather?

It is only natural that we should wish to respond favorably to this bounteous love offering by choosing to wear colorful clothing and beautiful shoes. How better to honor our fabulous good fortune, and the Divine Providence that has provided it, than by expressing our joy in as many ways as possible, with the smiles and kind words, the cheerful mien, and the beautiful happy clothing? Our outward appearance should be the reflection of the happiness that resides within, so that others my share in the mood of the season.

Here is the glittery, jeweled flower metallic sandals from Miu Miu, the perfectly gorgeous sandals for the perfectly gorgeous time of the year.

Miu Miu Metallic Sandal

Manolo the Columnist: Gianne from Joan & David

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.


Dear Manolo,

My baby niece is going to be baptized in a formal ceremony on Easter. I’m the black sheep of the family who last wore a pantsuit to my dad’s summer
wedding. (Think Carrie Bradshaw mixed with Sporty Spice) I’m not a fan of sandals due to an ankle injury so what do you suggest would be a good fit?

Elizabeth

Manolo says, it is the old problem: what to do when you are required to attend the celebratory occasion which requires the particular sort of costume which conflicts with your trademarked personal style.

For the example, your darling sweet grandmother, whom you adore, has requested your attendance at her annual Suburban Ladies Who Luncheon Garden Party. Unfortunately, among the other demimonde habitués of the Lower East Side you have the hard-won reputation for being the most anarchic of the Anarcho-Punks, because of the scatological epithets scrawled on your tattered military-surplus jacket, your willingness to tussle with the cops, and the way your hair is matted just so.

But, you have to go to this party, because of your grandmother, but what do you wear? What will happen if someone from Alphabet City sees you getting into the livery car wearing the light cotton sweater, flowery shift, and the pair of girly sandals?

The Manolo says, contradict yourself, you are large, you contain multitudes! Dress up or dress down as the occasion demands

Here is the Gianne from the Joan and David, the mid-heel slingback pump in the pastel yellow that is perfectly consonant with the joyous Eastertide ceremony.

Gianne from Joan and David

Manolo the Columnist: Ventura 2 from Bass

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

My lovely daughter will soon be graduating from the 8th grade from a Catholic school. In keeping with tradition, all of the girls will wear the same style white dress. It has a fitted bodice, wide straps, and a full skirt, and has been lovingly and meticulously designed to look awful on every body type imaginable. The dresses will all be hemmed to the same length from the floor, which for my daughter, who is tall and willowy, will be just below the knee. The shoes must be white, and the maximum heel height is 2″. Can you recommend shoes that will pass muster with the Powers That Be, while also being fun and flirty enough that she might actually wear them again?

Nancy

Manolo says, this is the most exciting time to be the Catholic, what with the new pope from Argentina being elected in the Vatican, on the platform of greater pastoral care for the poor and free tango lessons.

For the Manolo who loves both the ancient traditions and the pomp and the circumstances of any sort it has been the gloriously entertaining few days.

Think how much better the recent American presidential elections would have been if we had forced the Barack Obama and the Mitt Romeny to dress up in red silk gowns and parade around the Capitol Mall while exhibiting pious humility and wisdom.

Indeed, as the Vatican has proven, the entire world would be the better place if we all adopted traditional medieval costumes, say doublets and stockings for the men, and bejeweled robes for the women.

As for the shoes, the Manolo thinks that for the 8th grad graduation something fun like the white oxford, or perhaps the white loafer, would be both suitable and likely to be worn again. Here is the Bass Ventura 2, the traditional loafer that would also later look good with jeans.

Ventura 2 Loafer from Bass

Manolo the Columnist: Expressed from Naughty Sandals

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

From the depths of Snowmageddon 2013, I implore you to show me some fun, sunny, light-hearted shoes to make me feel better. I want to see shoes that will reassure me that the weather will soon get warmer, and that spring will arrive on time. Please help!

Jessica

Manolo says, ayyyyy! It is always like this in the Washington, D.C. when the biggest snowstorm of the year finally arrives, and the city is plunged into chaos and despair.

As some wag once said many centuries ago, D.C. is the city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm, the statement that is never more true than during the snow emergencies, when the mere four inches of white flakes turns the entire town into the sort of dangerous, post-apocalyptic, Ice Age wasteland.

Not only do all ordinary services cease, but those few pedestrians who are brave enough to venture forth from their poorly-heated caves are continually in danger of being crushed to death by the mammoth SUVs that
are skidding off the unplowed street with shocking regularity.

Happily, joyously, it is already March, and the spring, which is by far the best time of the year to be in Washington, is just around the corner, and we will soon be freed from our dreary cold weather wear, and will once
again walk in the sunshine.

Here is the Expressed from Naughty Monkey, the fun, light-weight, spring sandal that will make you think that everything is proceeding according to divine plan. The Manolo is especially fond of the chocolate colored shoes.

Naughty Monkey Expressed Sandals

Manolo the Columnist: Kalia from Ivanka Trump

Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.

Dear Manolo,

At the beginning of April I’m supposed to be a bridesmaid for my sister. She has chosen for us to wear long, dove gray, empire-waisted dresses, which because I will then be 8 months pregnant, will almost certainly accentuate my giant belly. What I need is a pair of low-heeled sandals, something that will give me some stability as I totter down the aisle, while not overly constricting my bloated feet. Oh, and because I’m sure my feet will shrink after my baby is born, I don’t want to spend too much money on these shoes. Please help.

Grace

Manolo says, as always the Manolo has much sympathy for the pregnant ladies, especially those who have been involuntarily lassoed into the ceremonial role that will involve much standing up before the public while someone else is the center of attention.

Indeed, it has always been the belief of the Manolo that the pregnant ladies should be exempted from any sort of obligation more strenuous than eating the chocolate-covered, peanut-butter pickles while being carried, like Marie Antoinette, from place to place in the sedan chair born by six, long-haired, bare-chested Fabio-a-likes.

Sadly, the best the modern day lady of gravidity can hope for is that her husband parks the SUV in the lot closest to the church.

Look! Here is the Kalia from the Ivanka Trump, the strappy gray flats with the little bit of the bling that will not break your bank.

Kalia from Ivanka Trump

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