Back To School Special

“Try these on,” my grandmother commanded. “They’re lamé!!!! They’re
beeooteeful!!!”

“But I only need them for gym class,” I protested as I struggled into
the accursed golden sneakers. I was ten years old at the time, but
this had already become a ritual: the back-to-school pilgrimage to
Fayva Shoes.

To my grandmother, Fayva was a Temple of Delights in which the cultic
goddess Synthetica and her consort Roo presided over a garish orgy of
fluorescent green saddle shoes, cork-heeled pumps (with or without
decorative grommets), and, of course, the ubiquitous ’Roos-brand
sneakers (available in white or gold lamé.)

“Can’t I just get those?” I implored, pointing at a pair of white
sneakers with Velcro closures. It seemed a fair compromise, even from
the perspective of a ten-year-old.

“No,” my grandmother snapped, “you can’t get The Velcro.” She always
prefaced the word Velcro with a pronoun as if in honor and awe of this
mystical substance. “If you get The Sneakers with The Velcro you
won’t be able to use these.” She held up two neon orange lace ribbons—

‘Madonna Bows’ to use the parlance of the time—which she clearly
intended for me to use as shoelaces.

The indignity was unbearable. Hot tears began to flow down my
face. “Why are you crying?” she shouted, immediately calling the
attention of everyone in the store to the horrific tableau being
played out upon my feet.

“I feel sick,” I sputtered. The golden sneakers, the orange bows, but
worst of all, the overwhelming stench of plasticine chemicals, of Peds
that had been worn and re-worn, of soiled insoles and cork heels . . .
they all mingled with my shame and conspired against my senses! I
fainted. Oh, the ignominy of cheap shoes!!

**

Submitted by Tara Helfman of the New Haven, Connecticut.

Super Fantastic Runner Up
Manolo’s Super Fantastic Essay Contest

Click here for the complete list of winners




Manolo Blahnik Says
"Manolo the Shoeblogger?
Sorry, not me. But it’s very
funny, isn’t it? Hilarious!”


Manolo Recommends






Free Overnight Shipping at Endless.com



Shop Shoes.com

NORDSTROM.com - Shop Boots Under $100

Saks Fifth Avenue



Net-a-Porter US

YOOX.COM




"The King of the Fashion Blogosphere" ~ Linda Grant


Disclaimer: Manolo the Shoeblogger is not Mr. Manolo Blahnik. This website is not affiliated in any way with Mr. Manolo Blahnik, any products bearing the federally registered trademarks MANOlO®, BlAHNIK® or MANOlO BlAHNIK®, or any licensee of said federally registered trademarks. The views expressed on this website are solely those of the author.






Follow the Manolo on TwitterBefriend the Manolo on Facebook!








Categories

  • Abel Munoz
  • Alber Elbaz
  • Alexander McQueen
  • Anne Klein
  • Aquatalia
  • Ask Miss Plumcake
  • Ayyyyy!
  • Bad Fashion
  • Balenciaga
  • Bargains
  • Be Super Fantastic
  • Bernardo
  • Betsey Johnson
  • Beverly Feldman
  • Bloch London
  • Books
  • Boots
  • Botkier
  • Brian Atwood
  • Bruno Magli
  • Build the Outfit
  • Burberry
  • Camper
  • Carmen Steffens
  • Carnivale of Couture
  • Carolina Herrera
  • Celebrity
  • Chanel
  • Christian Dior
  • Christian Louboutin
  • Cinema
  • Clothing
  • Coach
  • Cojo
  • Cole Haan
  • Consolation of the Shoes
  • Crocs
  • Culture
  • Cynthia Rowley
  • Delman
  • Diane von Furstenberg
  • Doings of Manolo!
  • Dolce & Gabbana
  • Dolce & Gabbana
  • Donald J. Pliner
  • Donna Karan
  • Due Farina
  • El Dantes
  • Elie Tahari
  • Fab Four
  • Fashion
  • Fashion Designers
  • Fashion History
  • Fit Notes
  • Flats
  • FN Shoe Star
  • Forums
  • Franco Sarto
  • Frye
  • Giambattista Valli
  • Giorgio Armani
  • Giuseppe Zanotti
  • Gucci
  • Handbags
  • Hasselhoff!
  • Horrors
  • How To
  • Is It a Shoe?
  • Isaac Mizrahi
  • Jerome C. Rousseau
  • Jewlery
  • Jil Sander
  • Jimmy Choo
  • John Galliano
  • Jonathan Kelsey
  • JP Tod's
  • Kate Spade
  • Kenneth Cole
  • La Canadienne
  • Liam Fahy
  • Lin Yu Chun
  • Loeffler Randall
  • Louis Vuitton
  • Malene Birger
  • Manolo Blahnik
  • Manolo's Internet Friends
  • Marc Jacobs
  • Media
  • Men's Shoes
  • Michael Kors
  • Miss Plumcake
  • Missoni
  • Miu Miu
  • Miuccia Prada
  • Moschino
  • Music
  • Nicolas Ghesquiere
  • Nicole Brundage
  • Nicole Miller
  • Oscar de la Renta
  • Pedro Garcia
  • Platforms
  • Pour La Victoire
  • Prada
  • Project Runway
  • Pucci
  • Pumps/Court Shoes
  • Pure Evil
  • Ralph Lauren
  • Rebecca Taylor
  • Reed Krakoff
  • Rene Caovilla
  • Robert Clergerie
  • Roberto Cavalli
  • Roger Vivier
  • Rupert Sanderson
  • Salvatore Ferragamo
  • Sandals
  • Sergio Rossi
  • Shoe Personalities
  • Shoemaker Saturday
  • Shoes
  • Sigerson Morrison
  • Sneakers
  • Stella McCartney
  • Stuart Weitzman
  • Tabitha Stevens
  • Taryn Rose
  • Television
  • Thakoon
  • The Manolosphere
  • Tory Burch
  • Trends
  • Ugg
  • Uncategorized
  • Valentino
  • Vera Wang
  • Versace
  • Via Spiga
  • Wedges
  • What the Manolo Is…
  • Whose Shoes Wednesday
  • Will's Fancy
  • Yves Saint Laurent
  • Zac Posen