Manolo’s Shoe Blog

Manolo says, many of the Manolo’s internet friends have been writing to the Manolo to ask what he thinks of the new Knight Rider movie that is being shown on the television this night.

Yes, the magnificent Hasselhoff, one of the greatest actors of his generation, will be appearing in the cameo role, however the lead will be played by someone else, which is the travesty of all that is right and holy.

How can one have the Knight Rider movie without having Michael Knight and the original KITT? It is ridiculous. That is all the Manolo has to say, ridiculous.

Manolo says, ayyyy! The Magnificent Hasselhoff and two-surgically altered blondes!

Manolo says, occasional readings from Don’t Hassel the Hoff. Today, page 114.

Late that afternoon it was still raining as 15,000 people in Barbours and wellington boots gathered in the deer park to watch the concert. At the last minute, the rain stopped and bright sunshine streamed down. I went on stage and said, “Earlier today I prayed to Diana, “Could you do this one last thing and part the skies?” And she did. It was the most amazing thing she did today. Thank you, Diana — this one’s for you.’

The Word of the Hoff!

Manolo says, daily readings from Don’t Hassel the Hoff. Today, page 103.

Nobody knew I was in town so I enjoyed the freedom of not having to worry about paparazzi. Every day I’d drive across town from my rented apartment to visit my voice teacher and then go to the studio to record. One afternoon I had stopped at some lights when I saw a boy and a girl walking home from schoool wearing Knight Rider backpacks. I rolled down the window

‘Excuse me, have you seen KITT?’

‘Errrrrrr, no.’

‘My name is Michael Knight and I seem to have lost my car.’

They seemed rooted to the spot.

‘Well, guys, if you do see my car please say I’m looking for him. Here are some pictures to remember me by.’

As I drove away, I looked in the mirror and the kids were screaming and jumping in the air.

P.S. Previous readings from Don’t Hassel the Hoff.

The Word of the Hoff!

Manolo says, daily readings from Don’t Hassel the Hoff. Today, page 98.

When the divorce papers arrived at my home, I invited Mom and Dad and eight friends to a party at La Cage aux Folles, the nightclub on La Cienega Boulevard where people went to get super-loaded while watching drag acts. The female impersonators had great fun getting the Knight Rider up on stage and singing Judy Garland songs to him. When I stepped off stage, the maître d’ said, ‘Mr. Hasselhoff, Mr. Liberace would like to buy you a drink.’

I looked over and saw Liberace lit up like a Christmas tree in the middle of a group of young blond men. He waved at me.

‘Ask him if he would like to join our divorce party.’

‘I’m such a big fan, David,’ he said. ‘Who’s getting divorced?’

‘I am.”

‘Well, I’m available — let’s party.’

Liberace was drinking gin and tonic and smoking Carlton cigarettes. He was sixty-seven years old and had had a lot of plastic surgery; he very gracious and very sociable.

‘I can see you are upset about the divorce,’ he said.

‘I’m a little sad.”

‘Oh God, darling, put it behind you — life goes on.’

The Word of the Hoff!

Manolo says, daily readings from Don’t Hassel the Hoff. Today, page 115.

A few months later I checked into a big hotel in Johannesburg to make another film. This establishment was having trouble with one particular guest. People had complained to the management that a naked man was disturbing their sleep by swinging from balcony to balcony late at night. The culprit turned out to be Oliver Reed, the British actor, who was getting drunk and then doing a death-defying Tarzan impersonation high above the street. I had loved Reed’s performance in Women in Love and wanted to meet him, but he was caught in the act by security staff and kicked out of the hotel.

The Word of the Hoff!

P.S. Previous daily readings from Don’t Hassle the Hoff.

Manolo says, daily readings from Don’t Hassel the Hoff. Today, page 117.

Patricia and I spent our first romantic night together at the Heia Safari Ranch outside Johannesburg in an African-decor bungalow. That first night in camp one of the guides mimicked the mating cry of a wildebeest. Next day, we drove around the safari park in a little hire car. When we saw two wildebeest, I couldn’t resist trying out the mating cry. Patricia roared with laughter but one of the animals looked up and headed straight for us.

‘Wow — this mating stuff really works!’ I said.

We wound the windows up and I frantically tried to start the diesel engine, but before I could get the car in gear the wildebeest had rammed his head into the bodywork again and again. We made it to the park’s entrance and while the gatekeeper was letting us out a passing ostrich ripped off the radio antenna.

The Word of the Hoff!

P.S. Previous daily readings from Don’t Hassle the Hoff.

Manolo says, daily readings from Don’t Hassel the Hoff. Today, page 140.

I had been home in Sherman Oaks for a few days when there was a knock on the door and a man introduced himself as the new neighbor who had just moved into the house next door.

‘I understand you’re famous in Germany,’ he said.

‘Well, yes — how did you know?’

‘There are Germans in my trees.’

‘We walked up the driveway and there were shouts from the trees on his side of the fence.

‘Hello, David!’

‘Hi David, this is Fritz!’

The neighbor was right; there were Germans in his trees. I invited them to come down on to my side of the fence to meet me. It was quite common for fans from Germany or Austria to trek all the way out to Sherman Oaks to pay me a visit and talk about my popularity in their country.

The Word of the Hoff!

Manolo says, daily readings from Don’t Hassel the Hoff. Today, pages 260-261

When I took stock of my personal relationships, I realized there was a lot of work to be done. I believe a man needs a wife just as much as children need a mother, so it was a very, very difficult time for me to cope with the new arrangements. The only thing that kept me going was the love of my children.

Hayley was quite funny about my dating. When a twenty-year-old girl tried to hit on me, she said, ‘Dad, that is appalling — that girl is twenty and she only likes you because you’re a celebrity.’

‘What’s wrong with that?’

‘And she only likes you because you’re rich.’

‘What’s wrong with that?’

So Hayley put an age limit on my dating partners: no one younger than thirty-five, but after a while I negotiated that down to twenty-eight.

The Word of the Hoff!