Secrets of the Maestro Manolo Blahnik

Manolo says, Simon Doonan of Barney’s dishes the most intimate secrets of our beloved master, Manolo Blahnik.

MANOLO’S GHOST: Manolo has an 18th century house in the town of BATH England. The living room is haunted by the horrid ghost of an old dowager. The ghost is wearing dreadful shoes so Manolo refuses to acknowledge her presence
[…]Campari by Manolo Blahnik   The Manolo Adores!  Click!

MANOLO’S MAGICAL BIRTH: Manolo Blahnik hails from the Canary Islands. On the day his mother gave birth a canary with a deformed beak was twitter outside her window making a noise which sounded like MANOLO! MANOLO! Et voila!

MANOLO’S PHILOSOPHY: Manolo hates vulgarity or cheesiness of any kind with the exception of Mae West who he adores.

His birth was accompanied by omens!

What more does one need to say than this?


Project Runway 4, Episode One

Manolo says, Ayyyyyy! The Project Runway has returned!!

Mira! All of our old friends are back: the handsome and oh so smarty, Tim Gunn, charmingly goofy and teutonic Heidi, the wonderfully bitchy Michael Kors, and our favorite “frenemy”, fashion editor Nina Garcia.

Also present was special guest judge, Monique Lhuillier, who is beautiful, and has this marvelous sheen, as if she had been freshly rubbed with olive oil in preparation for broiling.

As for the contestants, the Manolo has just barely begun to sort them out: there’s the crazy ethnic girl, the weepy Hispanic guy, the bitchy young queen, the “oh-no-she-di-int” fierce black girl, the nice girl who no one notices, the intense Asian girl, the old chick, and every possible version of gay man in the canon of fabulosity. Oh, yes, and Fred Flintstone, too.

One thing the Manolo could not help but notice was the surprising number of ugly tattoos. The Manolo might, just barely, sort of, understand the impulse to get the tattoo (if you have been in the merchant marine or prison) but he cannot comprehend why people who are supposed to be obsessed with beauty would choose such ridiculously ugly images.

Yes, we know, Tattooed Person, you are the outrageous rebel who must express your rebellious nature through the medium of permanent self-mutilation…you and 45 million other Americans.

But whatever. Aspiring fashion designers are not often noted for their common sense.

And so with the introductions cut mercifully short, it was off to the races, literally, as the designers began the first challenge by running across Bryant Park like the Charge of the Light-in-the-Loafers Brigade, headed for tents containing mounds of colorful fabric from which to construct the garment that “best expresses their designerosity”, or some such.

And, the few hours later, it was goodbye sweet and gentle Simone, you had the banging eyebrows, but your dress sucked. Although, the Manolo must note, not as badly as the thing produced by Elisa, who is apparently the extra character left over from Being John Malkovich. Giant Marionettes?

At the end, it was also, hello Rami, who was the winner, and deservedly so, for he produced the most beautiful dress, using the simple fabric worked and draped into the classically fresh form. It bodes well for his future.

Of the all the contestants, the Manolo was most annoyed by the bitchy Christian, not so much by the personality, but with his asymmetrical, Chris-“Leave-Britney-Alone”-Crocker hair-do. Does no one realize that these sorts of haircuts make the head look lop-sided, as if you were trying to hide the unsightly head tumor. Perhaps he has lost his right ear in the fabric trimming accident.

As for his dress, it did not deserve the excessive praise it received. The top was straight out of Ladie’s Home Companion, circa 1896.

The Manolo must now go and watch the reruns of this episode and see if he can sort out the various contestants, and their corresponding desgins. Perhaps tomorrow he shall offer more the substantive critique of their work.

Here below, stolen from the Manolo’s friends at Blogging the Project Runway, are all of the designs from last night.

Project Runway Season Four, Episode One