Manolo says, ayyyy! It is the Mariah Carey New Album Pop Quiz!
Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.
I’ve just been hired to work at a firm that specializes in “green design”, and now I’m looking for a fabulous pair of shoes that won’t have my co-workers throwing red paint on me and denouncing me in office meetings.
Manolo says, every revolution has its Jacobins, and while the Manolo is all in favor of taking care of the environment, he is more than the little suspicious of those committed fanatics who would crush our individuality under their free-range, all-natural, hemp and raffia jackboots.
If you were to listen to them and be as strict as possible, you would have to give up the made-from-animals leather, the made-from-oil plastics, the made-from-rainforest rubber, and the non-organically grown cotton and flax. All you would have to wear would be shoes made from reeds that you had gathered yourself from along the riverbanks near your cave.
But you do not look good in bulrushes and cattails, and so you begin to compromise, and next thing you know, you’re wearing thigh-high pirate boots fashioned by Chinese prisoners from the skins of pandas and civet cats.
There must be the happy medium, yes?
Look, here are the cute and eco-friendly Baldaci Ballerina flat from Timberland, made from the soft suede, environmentally raw materials, and recycled yarns.
Manolo says, the Manolo’s lengthy and exhausting evangelical mission to the world is beginning to pay dividends.
Has the end of the road been reached for the cheap shoe? According to new research conducted by Mintel, over the next five years the number of pairs bought annually in the UK is expected to drop by 7 per cent.
Analysts believe women have wised up to the fact that cheap shoes are uncomfortable and liable to disintegrate at the first sight of a puddle.
So although they might buy fewer pairs, in future, they are likely to save up for more expensive shoes: one-third of women questioned said they now pay more.
Which is exactly the message the Manolo has been preaching to the masses for so many long and arduous years now; years during which the Manolo’s lone voice sounded in the desert, imploring those who would listen to eschew the shoes of cheapness in preference to the super fantastic shoes of quality and value.
And so, this is perhaps the most gratifying thing the Manolo has ever read.
Manolo says, Once upon the time, there was the poor tailor who was in danger of having his head chopped off if he did not complete the fabulously fierce outfits for the evil queen,
and her court…
…jesters, Toothy Orange Bottom and Brunhilde Valkyrie.
The tailor worked for many days without sleep, cutting and sewing, sewing and cutting. But, as the deadline approached, there were as yet fifteen yards of organza to be worked into the designs he had chosen, and the unhappy but honest tailor became worried and began to despair.
Even his acquaintance, the wise wizard who lived down the block, could only offer platitudes.
“Make it work,” said the wizard most unhelpfully, as he left the tailors shop.
“Ayyyyy!” shouted the tailor, “I am doomed. The Queen will have my head!”
The tailor collapsed into his chair near the fire, put his head in his hands, and wept the bitter, bitter tears, knowing that all was lost. After many minutes of sobbing, he fell asleep, certain that the morning would bring his execution.
It was then, while the tailor was sleeping his uneasy sleep, that the most miraculous thing happened.
First, there was the faint sound of tiny bells, followed by the strong scent of Aqua Net and Elizabeth Taylor’s “White Diamonds”, and then, with the audible pop, the tiny little fashion elf appeared out of no where!