Manolo says, the evidence seems incontrovertible, Karl Lagerfeld Hates You!
“No one wants to see curvy women,” Lagerfeld was quoted as saying on the website of news magazine Focus on Sunday.
“You’ve got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying that thin models are ugly,” he added.
The world of fashion is about “dreams and illusions”, he said, dismissing as “absurd” the debate prompted by Brigitte magazine which said it would no longer feature professional models on its pages.
“Surely,” you are saying to yourself, “Karl was not referring to me. I mean, I like potato chips, and am a little bit curvy, but still he doesn’t hate me, right?”
No, it is you (and cuddly furry animals) that Karl hates the most!
In fact, it is much worse that you imagine: Karl Lagerfeld hates you and loves…CLOGS!!!
The Kaiser has spoken, and evidenced from yesterday’s Chanel show, the word is clogs. While I myself love them, they can be a bit awkward to actually walk in and somewhat “Hey guys, wait up!” when it comes to cruising quickly on your feet through city streets. But really, what’s going on here? What was once reserved for surgeons in the O.R. and argumentative vegans has just been elevated to a new level. Is this Crocs crossover? Well, never mind, either way. If it’s good enough for Karl, bring it on.
If this is not conclusive proof that Lagerfeld is evil, the Manolo does not know what is.
Manolo says, it is Monday, and perhaps you are at your desk, or perhaps you are not (seeing as it is either the Day of Columbus or, for some, the Día de la Raza). Either way, whether you are at the work or enjoying the day off, today is the day to celebrate discovery.
And what better way to celebrate this discovery than by remembering the woman who made it all possible, Isabel la Catolica, the Spanish Queen who provided the approval and funding for the Columbian scheme?
Of the course, we do not know exactly what shoes Isabel actually wore on the fateful day when Cristobal Colon was finally given the approval.
Happily, however, the Manolo is the amateur student of history, one who is qualified to make the educated guess, and thus he imagines it was something like this…
Although, the Manolo is also willing to accept that it was the glittery sandal, such as this.
“But, Manolo,” you are perhaps saying to yourself, “late 15th Century lady monarchs would have worn sensible brocade flats, not glittery-sexy pumps or sandals.”
To which the Manolo replies, O RLY?
The application of the well-known reasoning principal entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem, yields the following locgical question: “What sort of fabulous shoes would you wear, if you were a) the most powerful queen in the world and b) able to be carried anywhere you wished in the opulent sedan chair?”
To which the most reasonable answer is Glittery Louboutin Platforms!*
Thus…Q to E to the D.
*The answer “Bejeweled Louboutin Platforms”, is also acceptable.
Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.
Do you have any suggestions for a young, super queer college kid looking for nifty brogue shoes? I’d like to find shoes that are non-bulky and have lots of detailing to add to my small footwear collection. Unfortunately, the only brogue shoes I can find for ladies tend to have towering heels attached. These, like almost all of the trappings of modern femininity, make me deeply uncomfortable in a place near my pancreas. Please help.
Manolo says, the Manolo’s Sapphic friend probably does not read the fashion magazines (those pancreas-paining bastions of retrograde femininity), for if she had, she would know that we are currently in the middle of the brogue moment.
Indeed, the various street fashion blogs are replete with photos of waifish girls in mannish shoes and rolled-up jeans, androgynously going about their business.
And this is how fashion works. One minute you are the sensibly shod, butch girl, the next you are the leading edge of the fashion parade. But, do not be disturbed by this. If fashion follows true to form, by next week it will be onto something else, like dainty ballet slippers or wooden clogs.
Here is the Elsbeth leather oxford from J. Crew, the non-bulky brogues with beautiful cap-toe detailing
Several things will immediately impress you. First, this is, without the single, solitary doubt, Madonna’s greatest acting achievement. Secondly, it is probably Guy Ritchie’s greatest cinematic achievement, certainly in his top three. Thirdly, who knew Madonna had this much humorous self-awareness about her own image?
P.S. From the Manolo’s internet friend Moe Lane.
Manolo says, for the past week or so, the Manolo has been day-dreaming about these expensive zipper and buckle boots from Chloé.
Daydreaming, because, although they would be perfectly wonderful to wear with the shorty knit dress and the bare legs, the Manolo has been considering other, less conventional combinations, something that could be both chic and unusual; such are the reveries of the Manolo.
Manolo says, the Era of the Art Shoe continues!
Here are the details.
It may be hard to believe but this bizarre orange peel shaped-creation is actually a high heel shoe.
British architect Julian Hakes used his engineering skills to design the bizarre ‘Mojito’ footwear, named after the lime-based vodka cocktail.
Unlike a traditional shoe the Mojito doesn’t have a foot plate – but supports only the ball and heel which Mr Hakes says is perfectly functional and makes the wearer feel like she’s walking on air.
The 36-year-old said: ‘People say “how does it work?” but you can see where the heel and foot goes.
‘It protects the ball and the heel – that’s where the load is transferred when you walk.
‘When I thought about high heels I wondered why there was the need for a foot plate. If you look at a foot print in the sand it is very clear to see that the main force goes to the heel and ball.
‘By standing on a wooden block the foot naturally ‘spans’ the gap with bones and tendons.
‘The foot has its own inbuilt strength and support so why duplicate this? You would not have a jumper with rigid arms between elbow and wrist.’
This is very arresting idea well executed, one that makes the Manolo happy. However, as the matter of practicality, it is on the same plane as the “concept car“, exciting, interesting, thoughtful, and yet sadly not much more than the design exercise.
Manolo asked, whose shoes?
Manolo answers, it is the Megan Fox.
Congratulations to the Manolo’s internet friend Klee who was the first person to correctly identify this week personage of note (the personage who is not, in the opinion of the Manolo, all that).