Manolo says, it is Monday and you are back at your desk, somewhat rueful that your breakfast consisted of two cups of coffee, three bite-sized Snickers, two Starbursts, and the small box of Runts (you love the banana-shaped ones).
But what could you do? When you came down the stairs this morning, there was the giant tub of candy sitting on the counter, where you had left it yesterday afternoon when you fled the house for the lengthy bicycle ride, taken to assuage the guilt of your out-of-control candy-binging.
You know you should be more temperate, but Halloween is the worst. You love it so much, and always have, but it is the worst.
The instant it arrives, you flash back to the greedy little girl who on Halloween night would rush to her room with the plastic pumpkin full of candy treats, slamming the door on her little brother’s fingers, and frantically gobbling as much as possible before her mother intervened.
“Honey,” your Mom would call through the door, “why don’t you come out here with the rest of us and show us what you got tonight?”
“Mmphugh, mmphugh NO!!!!” You would shout back, bits of half-chewed Butterfingers spraying across the room.
Threats and counter-threats would be made, and then the tears would flow, as the holy blessed pumpkin was placed on top of the refrigerator, so as to put the parental governor on your consumption. (Like your little brother, who always ate his candy more slowly, that pumpkin would taunt you for days to come with his candy-filled, gap-toothed grin.)
Naturally, when you had children of your own, you understood why the pumpkin had to be placed on top of the refrigerator, although you also understood why the best candies would seem to disappear when the pumpkin was on the refrigerator; because your parents frequently dipped into it, the family tradition you have maintained.
Now, that your youngest is fifteen, your biggest Halloween problem is preventing her from going out the front door dressed like the Hoochie-Mama Witch, or the Slutty Hermoine Granger. (Oy, what has happened to society?)
Although, you are also responsible for buying the candy, which is how the ridiculous abundance of Skittles, and Milky Ways, and Snickers, and Starbursts, and Runts came to be sitting in the giant bowl on your counter.
Speaking of candy…Look! Here is the Kandy-Kolored, Tangerine-Flaked, Streamline baby from Christian Louboutin.
Manolo says, Miss Plumcake spells it out for you:
Like, sometimes you’ve had a hard year. Let’s say you’ve had problems with your convertible and your brother’s been sick and the men in your life are making you insane because you are just. one. woman and do not have TIME to deal with all their CRAZY GUY STUFF because it is NOT YOUR FAULT they have the emotional availability of a lobotomized he-goat and after a certain point you just need to unwind and spend a little “you” time.
And now go read the whole thing.
Manolo says, here are the few links which you may perhaps find amusing…
Manolo says, this photo is from what is perhaps the most depressing/hilarious/alarming/hilarious/distressing/depressing website the Manolo has ever seen, People of Walmart.
The Manolo has always tried to avoid comedy which mocks the downtrodden and impoverished (see the Manolo’s review of Borat). Intelligent people who tell such jokes, even if the jokes are funny, give evidence of their meanness of spirit. For the Manolo, the best humor is that which mocks the high and the mighty, exposing their foibles to the humanizing power of laughter.
But what the Manolo sees here, at the People of Walmart is so distressing that he cannot look away. It is the cautionary tale writ large, the portent of societal destruction, and even as he laughs, he still finds it one of the most depressing websites he has ever visited.
And now, allow the Manolo to here further quote Yeats.
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Browse People of Walmart at your own peril.
Manolo says, here is the Manolo’s latest column for the Express of the Washington Post.
I live in Boston, which has already had some snow this year, and have need of some boots that can withstand the slushy streets and salty sidewalks. While rejecting all form of Ugg-liness thus far, my feet have been very cold, as every pair of boots I find is either made for the abominable snow monster, or for an indoor kind of person. I don’t have a car, so I also need something walkable. Are there any such winter boots (preferably $200 or under) that do not offend the discriminating eye?
Manolo says, for much of the country winter has arrived far too early this year, pushing us out of our fantastically trendy but thin-sided boots into feetwear fit for the Earnest Shackleton expedition.
And while such feetwears may insure that your toes do not turn black and fall off while you are waiting for the bus, they also insure that the young men who are waiting for the bus with you, will refer to you as “Dude”, as in “Dude, whatta say we get a brewski, watch the Celtic’s game, and chase some ladies?”
But fear not, for sexy feminine snow boots can come from the most unlikely source, such as Timberland! Here is the Timberland Urban 14” Round Heel boot.
Manolo asked, whose shoes?
Manolo answers, it is the Doris Day!
Congratulations to the Manolo’s friend, the very talented writer Linda Grant, who was the first person to correctly identify this week’s personage of note.
And now, you must go read Linda Grant’s very amusing fashion blog, The Thoughtful Dresser.
Manolo says, here are the pair of tastefully embellished gray suede pumps from the Roberto Cavalli that the Manolo thinks would be perfect for autumnal soiree.
As always, the Manolo is surprised when Cavalli chooses restraint..
Manolo says, here are the few links which may perhaps amuse…
The most common shoes on campus seem to be the flip of the flop on the student feet, the large rubber sport sandal on the male faculty feet, and the comfortable large mary jane on the female faculty feet.
Manolo says, our friend Glinda has the few words for the peoples at Disney.
I read the promotional materials that accompanied the DVD’s, all of which claimed that simply by watching puppets do things to classical music, your baby would become smarter.