The Manolo No-Poncho Pledge

By Manolo the Shoeblogger

Manolo says, it looks like something the carefully groomed, pedigreed siamese had dragged in.

Manolo says, the Manolo he thought he had buried the poncho this most unattractive of the fashions. But now, thanks to the Martha, it is again rising from the grave!

Formerly, the Manolo he had regarded the poncho as merely the benign if ridiculous fashion trend.

Now, the Manolo he realizes that the poncho it is the evil incarnate.

It is the loathsome seducer of the womens. It calls in the sweet voice, “I am the poncho, if you wear me I will help you conceal your flaws. I promise, your hips, they will disappear under my protective cover of man-made fibers. Look, darling, you can even make me yourself for $1.49 in the material. Choose the aqua yarn. It is pretty no?”

And so you go with the poncho, and you wear it out to the business meeting, on the hot date, or to the social of the church, and all it seems well.

Then, one morning, you wake up hung over, and the bank account it is empty, and there are twenty-seven ponchos of various ridiculous colors and patterns in the closet.

In that instant you realize that your life it has been wasted on this loser of the fashion. Worse, thanks to the ubiquity of the digital cameras, for the next twenty years you will have to look at the family photos in which you appear to be the over-stuffed sofa covered with the homemade afghan.

Do not have this happen to you. Do not be seduced by the poncho.

You can help the Manolo put the stake into the heart of this hideous vampire by taking the Manolo No-Poncho Pledge.

The Manolo No-Poncho Pledge
“I (insert the name here) swear on the head and/or the grave of my sainted granny to never wear, buy, knit, crochet, or fashion from the old throw rug, the poncho. And if the poncho it is given to me as the gift, I will graciously thank the giver and then, when she has left, put the poncho into the dog’s bed and/or the trash as the case she may be. Only by doing these things faithfully can I help end for the good of the humanity the scourge that is the poncho. So help me Manolo.”

Manolo says, it is indeed sad that is has come to this point.

P.S. Many thanks to the Manolo’s internet friend the Dena for pointing out the pictures of the Martha with her poncho.


17 Responses to “The Manolo No-Poncho Pledge”

  1. vanderleun Says:

    Ah, the hiding of the hips and the Callipygian thighs of thunder… surely the poncho would be the poltical when it came to helping the Hillary run for the President, it that no the so?

  2. Precious Says:

    What is even more of a travesty is the MEN’S Poncho!! Manolo, you must stop this from continuing! Please!

  3. AmyK. Says:

    Please Manolo, when can we expect to see the No Gaucho Pledge. Please?

  4. Feorlen Says:

    I have to say that I cannot in all honesty take the No-Poncho Pledge. But I wholeheartedly support the intent and willingly forswear ponchos until such time as they have returned to their respected modest place in the fashion firmament.

    Not being much a follower of trends, a while back I thought I might make myself a nice poncho. A classic South American style or similar well-crafted garment of handspun wool. Handspinning is what I do, after all, and I was in need of something just right for those cool mornings, noons and nights that pretty much make up the weather in San Francisco.

    Then I saw THEM. I was aghast at the abominations I saw on my own streets. The day I found the hot pink and lime green angora fluffy monstrosities in my local discount store, I banished all thought of making one of my own until this collective madness passed.

    One day I will certainly consider making a poncho, but only a fine garment worthy of my time and materials. And I assure you that by no means will I allow such horrors as Colinette Point 5 or any Lion Brand product to cross my needles.

  5. Marcia Says:

    I will take the poncho pledge only after the rest of the world pledges to tuck in their shirt tails under their waist length sweaters (which was a look I deplored the last time it was in style. I mean, I can’t count the times I’d accidently tuck the back tail in, while in the bathroom, then walk around work for hours like that, with no one telling me.), and covers their pelvic bones. (at least, in the 70’s, we had body suits.).

  6. Magpie Says:

    I am on board with the No Poncho pledge, except I don’t think Martha should be our
    poster child. After all, if you believe what People magazine says, this was
    knitted for her as a going-away present by another inmate. Awww…

  7. Denise Says:

    Alas, I’m still waiting for the No Legwarmers pledge. Call me.

  8. Fausta Says:

    I’ve officially taken the pledge now, but had stated my intentions back in October

  9. tallgrrl Says:

    I’m taking the No CROCHET Poncho Pledge.
    But I’m gonna tell you something:
    2 years before The Craze hit, I made a rectangle “poncho-thing” out of a charcoal coloured Rowan Felted Tweed. (NO FRINGE.) The yarn knitted up into this wonderful tweedy fabric that I’ve seen no where else.
    Because my ass is of a size where it doesn’t need anything pointing to it, I wear this piece sideways.
    Every winter, it is one of my favourite things to wear, and people always ask me where I bought it.
    If you do it right, the poncho can be a cool thing.
    What Martha was sportin’? It is NOT “A Good Thing”
    : )

  10. E'Bert Says:

    The Poncho is a sad and dangerious thing. I was most dismayed when I first encountered my local knitters guild only to discover that most of them were waisting their lives knitting ponchos. Where will it all end? think of the children, won’t someone please think of the children?

  11. Sahara Says:

    I’m glad you have taken a stand! I hated them when Anna Sui brought them back, how many years ago?

    That photo is the kind of thing that will make knitting and crochet go out of fashion again. I prohibit my knitting and crochet students from making them as their first projects.

  12. CrochetWithDee Says:

    Ah, perhaps Manolo would be interested in going to the upcoming show Martha has planned — all Manolo needs to do is crochet up one of Martha’s “Coming Home” ponchos and wear it at the taping …

    Go ahead, pick up a hook and crochet one. Manolo just might love it! ;)

  13. Cathy Says:

    I fall to your feet in praise and worship. How is it that people insist on wearing a shapeless rectangle? As a knitter, I’ve take the “I will not knit a poncho pledge” as a mantra.

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